How do you finally learn to accept your limitations? We all know we dont want to. Whether its by age or our MS or something else... At some point, we have to say ' I cant do that anymore'.
But how? No, like Seriously, How?
Me, personaly, I go kicking and screaming! Sometimes tho, l just have to accept that things wont be like they were!
I think back to how lucky l was to have the experiences l had! Wish l could do them again! But l would kill myself! 🤣
What about you? How do/did you learn to accept your limitations?
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Jesmcd2
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hi Jes, I am so with you! It's an important question and for me the answer is complicated. Somethings i will never do again and I have peace with: walking in the woods, riding a bike that is not stationery, traveling to Europe. those days are over and I can live with that. what I fight with is functional losses: writing/typing, walking around my home or even outside, dressing. . I will not give up on things that are crucial for my independence. Currently I am taking my second round of OT. It is humbling to struggle with the easiest of right handed tasks but that just makes me more determined. Hope this helps.
I struggle with acceptance every day. And it feels like despite my efforts the bar for what I can do gets lower and lower. Recently I’ve been working on doing CBT (cognitive behavioral training). Basically it’s to become aware of your thoughts/moods and then assess them realistically (positive and negative) to arrive at more balanced thoughts. It does help a little…
I did a round of CBT group therapy- it was good to get more tools but I found life takes up the time to focus on some of tge activities and finding a thought journal/CBT journal helps a bit to continue.
I also did a round of grief group therapy and mindfulness in an attempt to build my arsenal of coping skills - some stuck and some I flat out gave up or laughed at. 😬
I’m not sure if it’s the worsening but evaluating the truth of the stories we tell ourselves.
Meaning we may make it out to be worse as we precieve it that way but the reality is it’s incremental but as we live in the body being effected our thoughts can exaggerate and embellish as it builds on our fears.
I realize as I’m saying that you know that but it’s good and hard to be reminded.
Just cause someone has a fancy car “oh they must be rich 🤑 “ doesn’t mean they didn’t save for 10 years to have the car of their dreams. 🤗
if it helps I’m having a crap day…I’m tired 🥱 not motivated and my legs feel like they don’t want to support me.
What I’m trying to tell myself is my legs hurt cause I don’t move enough and should walk daily even for 5; I’m not motivated cause I’m home and want to be in bed and not choosing to do plenty of things around me and I’m tired cause I’m always tired and that’s not changing but typically I feel ignore it
So I need to rally and start something- anything and go from there 🤗
For myself I am an alcoholic and was brought up by alcoholic parents. I know to some extent that is no excuse I did have my own choice. I was thirty three years old when I had a spiritual awakening and went into treatment. Thru the AA program I learned how to deal with and live with reality. Without this program I wouldn’t be here period. This program and other similar programs have helped many people out there. When I was 39 I was diagnosed with MS and also lung 🫁 cancer ♋️. I had a lobectomy surgery and had a surgical stroke during operation. It was a rough time as I was wheelchair 🦼 bound and no hope for recovery ❤️🩹. Thanks to my spiritual awakening and allowing my higher power to take control I was able to deal with this along with my wife, family, and new found family. After three years of struggle I was able to talk again and was out of the wheelchair with an AFO and a 🦯. I was able to continue on with my disability and accept what was given to me🙏 I had many other things happen through this journey and been able to do this with my new found friends and also this group of MSer’s that allow me to be me and say what I feel. Six years ago I was diagnosed with stage four throat cancer ♋️ and given two to six months and I am still here 🙏 My wife suddenly passed away 3 years ago and was another massive change in my life but I had this family and the AA family that helped me through this🤞🏼 So I guess what I am saying is that I did NOT due this alone, it was through the help of others and my higher power I have been able to accept live on lives terms good or bad. Open up, be yourself, be kind to others and yourself 👍🏼 I know long reply but that’s me 🤪 Stay positive and take each day as it comes 👍🏼 We were all dealt our hand and we have the choice to play it as we choose 🙏😉🥰🤣
My hat is off to you! You are a true inspiration having come thru everything that life has thrown at you and you keep your sense of humor with your daily laughter. I pray 🙏 that you keep up your strength and that you will be well.
Thank you sir, for being you. For sharing your story. Always caring, trying to inspire and lightening our days with your warmth and sense of humor… thank you!
Good words Kenu & congrats on your sobriety! We can't do this life on our own, when we try we usually fail. Chosing your "Higher Power" was & is the best choice for everything we go through, bad or good. I'm also a friend of Bill & have been for 31 years. Life happens but with the strength of our "HigherPower" (mine is Jesus) & good friends we can get through it.
My body just said no. I would work in my yard, just a bit longer, just till I get this last thing done and one day my body said “No”. I had to sit down in the grass and rest for a while because my legs wouldn’t hold me up. I tried crawling but my arms wouldn’t do it. Luckily it was a nice day and my grass was soft. I told my husband that I would be okay, just needed to rest. When I could finally get on my feet I stumbled to the bathroom and took my first totally sit down shower. Luckily it was already set up for the handicapped.
Mine is a variation of Morllyn's. I did things until I reached the point where I just couldn't. I still push myself too hard at times, but those are special occasions and usually around the house.
I limit what I do because I don't want the embarrassment of having my 86-year-old neighbor hobble with his cane down the hill and through my field to see why I'm just laying there. Other neighbors (disabled themselves) have already searched the field, in the dark, because our old car turned its interior lights on while we were away from home. It's nearly identical to our good car, and they were afraid I'd fallen or gotten confused and wandered off.
Having worked my whole life, and growing up on a farm, it was really hard in the beginning to accept that I am now on Disability and will never work again. But then I had a long talk with myself. I spent decades working at paying jobs while also caring for my family, from infancy to second childhood and death. I never faulted any of them for their health issues or declining mental states; I simply did what had to be done, like most of you my age or above. So, Self, it's time to take care of yourself. There are things you can't do anymore, and that's okay.
It took quite a while, and I still have days when I'm frustrated at what I can't do, but for the most part I just accept it now and focus on what I CAN do. My family has adapted well, and when we make plans they usually preface everything with "Can you...". They know that my abilities vary by day, so they understand when I have to back out at the last moment or make some adjustment to the timing.
My old mantra of "This too shall pass" doesn't cut it with MS, so I stick with "Pride goeth before a fall" these days.
I live each day as it comes. ms has never done anything for me so I’m ain’t doing anything for it. I was told when I officially dx that they could do nothing for me, I accepted that and went on with my life. I have good days and bad days, I do what I can , it may take me longer but I keep going, to God be the Glory 🙏
I have learned to embrace the Serenity Prayers through all the difficulties in life. A lot to write about and I have tried to moved forward through the painful experience and just became numb to most of it. Just thankful for being able to do things one day at a time with God’s help daily🙏🏾
At first it was hard for me to accept being diagnosed with PPMS and that eventually it was going to disable me. Three years ago, I was up walking around doing good and now my balance is gone, using a scooter and walker to get around. After being cancer free for ten years, MS was not on my mind. But I thank God for awaking me up and allowing me to see another day. I have accepted it and I keep moving.
Like you, kicking and screaming... I will try.. and if I can't do it in 3 attempts, I will concede defeat.. now not 3 attempts one right after another.. 3 attempts at different times.. cuz I have to take the low blood sugars into account.. and other things besides the MS... That my dear is the crux of my problem..
For 8 years I still have not accepted what I can't do. So I know that can injury me but I jump on it. If I can get some of it done I will take a day break and go back at it. Of course it takes me much longer to do than it should. But it fills time that I have to much of.
I go to a specialist MS psychologist who makes me feel better about myself after the appointment and I go back to my non acceptance self the next day. It's a horrible cycle to deal with.
Two things that have been mentioned b.ny others are a big part of my life with MS. One is pushing myself to try as much as possible. It may require advanced planning to get something done, and it may take much longer than it used to take. but I will push myself to try.
Second is my wife. Having a life partner that I can count on to understand me and help only when asked is wonderful for me.
I still go as if I can do anything...and then I can't. But I still keep going...then I collapse. I have a "go, get 'em" personality. What to do? Perhaps this is why my tiny granddaughter has been brought into my life. At this point with her, nothing is fast. I can sit and cuddle like a champ!
What a great question, if I only had an answer! I still push myself as though I had no limits, until gravity reminds me otherwise. I KNOW I have this weird disease, and SPMS is much harder to ignore than RRMS, but I was only diagnosed 41 or maybe 42 or 43 years ago, and I'm still getting used to the idea, and reading the research, but it keeps CHANGING, so what to do, what to do?????? I do remember those first Neurologists ( all 4 of them) did not know anything about MS! They said there would be NO PAIN, there were NO medications for MS,
And none of them thought I had a very good prognosis.....So I would have to say, do what you can, and what you want too, for as long as you can. Thank God for every day that you are given, and spend each one in love and Joy and peace, and He'll show you what you are still on earth to do. Linda
Limitations allow me to do things in a different manner, Jesmcd2 . It takes me longer to do things these days, but I like to think that it’s a way to slow down and appreciate that I can still do it!
The way I see it, if there's nothing I can do about it then move on & try something different. It takes energy to worry or fret over something I can't change or do anything about. I don't have that much energy on a daily basis as it is so I'm not going to waste it on something I can no longer do. Even if I wasn't diagnosed with MS there comes a time when I won't be able to do what I could do 30 years ago. Our bodies age & wear out & there is nothing I can do about it. So MS has sped up some of those things. So I find a different way to do things like carolek572 said. And being thankful for what I can do changes my attitude toward what I can't do. Life is good. Thanks be to God🙏
for me this is a constant process as i worsen. for years i've been stuck in limboland which is maddening. i've wanted to know so i could fight back. so i'm out here trying to cope. with each new symptom i used to go through these stages: depression, suicidal thoughts, rage, fear and acceptance.
sharing really helps me. since i've found the site i've cut out suicidal, which helps a lot. i still get (i think) too angry, but the times to get to acceptance are shorter. sharing really helps: to get it out and to receive supportive feedback.
I think those stages can be understandable BlanketTime1 Except the suicidal thoughts! Those are Not ok! So lm glad those have stopped? 🤗 Im so glad that you find so much support here! 🤗💕🌠
I got the flu shot it's still got the flu! Just like you can get covid after getting a covid shot.( I dodged that bullet!) Hope you feel better soon.😊😇❤ Lisa 💕
I'm watching my father dealing with the effects of a stroke, coming to terms with all the things he cannot do anymore. He and I find ourselves on a similar path, although the we came to it at different stages in our lives and by different routes. We share many of the same frustrations. Perhaps it is not so much accepting limitations but creating alternatives, finding new ways to do things, and learning to rely on kindness of others to help. I've learned a lot about asking for help, not something I am naturally good at. Mindfulness meditation is very helpful when I get into the pity party cycle.
One of my daily mantras is " one thing at a time," meaning quite literally one thing. My daily to-do list has one thing on it, and if I get that one thing done, I take a rest and congratulate myself and go on to another thing. I'm not sure how much lower my expectations can go. But I am grateful for every day that I can get out of bed and draw breath.
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