A Time for Everything

[TonyiaR7]

My MS can be challenging at times to absolutely miserable but life in the world has been challenging and hard for many. I find myself not looking or reading about DMTs, or my usual MS forums or magazines. When I do look at those magazines and I see the new faces, just like I mine, 30 or so years ago.

I had a bittersweet birthday, Labor Day Weekend, September 6. I was responsible for the care of my mother after she had fallen in her house, and was not rescued until 3 days passed. I thank Lonny, my mother’s taxi driver/chauffeur, for checking on her since she didn’t answer her phone. He took her to church every Sunday; and ran many types of errands for her.

It broke my heart that my youngest brother who lives my in NY couldn’t take care of my mom; he is still suffering from his TBI and going through a bitter divorce. (It’s terrible that we even share similar neurological symptoms.) Well after they released her to me for subacute care to strengthen her legs, she had an Afib and difficulty breathing, thus admitted to another hospital. She had one stable day with me; sharing stories, singing hymns, quoting scriptures, eating dinner together, watch a little TV while giggling... then the next day she was about in the same spirit but she passed away on Sept 9, 2020, at 4:15 pm, EST. She just stopped breathing. This occurred 3 days after my birthday (Sept. 6) . She lived alone after my father’s death, since August 11, 2009, which was her birthday. She lived until 86 years, taking care of her home and was an avid gardener & quilter. She loved and trusted God. I am so thankful I had a successful total knee replacement, exactly a year ago. I wouldn’t have had the stamina to stand and walk through the hospital in NJ, or NY (USA). The Covid rules in my area of NJ were more relaxed than in Long Island, NY.

I thank God for a mother who loved me, prayed for me, & cared for me, especially regarding my MS and other related symptoms as well as some health issues which are a result of old age. She always wanted the best for me and vice a versa. I am really not that old, but in MS years, at times I feel extremely challenged or old. I prayed for her happiness and needs, and honored and helped her in any way. My husband is a good sport and shows the same care and love.

Year 2020 is a Bittersweet Year. My eldest son recovered from Covid-19, and the remainder of the family, friends and neighbors are well. Praise God! Remember to cherish and be gracious for others who weave in and out of your life, as well those that stay or fly away. Do not disregard your opportunities to help others, A chance to make their life more beneficial.

Thank you for caring and supporting me. Without your prayers, kind words and encouragement, my road with MS would have been much harder.

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3

Peace.

Tonyia

[rjoneslaw]

Sorry to hear about your mother. I'm sure you enjoyed the few days you had

[TonyiaR7 in reply to rjoneslaw]

I did and I think she did to. They told me the following morning she was jubilant and ate her lunch giggling at some story. When I found her unconscious, they were in disbelief. Everywhere she went, people referred to her as Miss Mary, in an endearing way. I let know that something was wrong with my mom’s breathing. I never left the room when they tried their best to assess her condition. Her breathing became shallower by the second. Instead I let her go. It was harder now than at the moment. Thank you.

[Ali_B62]

I too am sorry for the loss of your mother, but it sounds like the time you had after she was in hospital will be a lovely lasting memory for you to cherish.🥰

[TonyiaR7 in reply to Ali_B62]

Yes, it is. Thank you for your kind words.

[jimeka]

TonyiaR7 its good to hear from you, as always. I am so sorry about the loss of your Mum, loosing ones Mum is hard at any time, but at least you got some special time together before she was taken home. Your Mum sounded like mine, wanting the best for us and always praying and encouraging us, memories. We did remember your birthday, so when you have time press on my info and you will see all my posts, scroll down to September 6th. Keep in touch, love life and it loves you back. 🙏 💜 🤗 💐 🎶

[TonyiaR7 in reply to jimeka]

Thanks for remembering my birthday. It wasn’t a celebratory time for me this year. My son planned a picnic for us. He was so thoughtful. 🥰

[kdali]

Those coats!! 🥰🥰

I’m sorry for your mother and so glad you were able to care for her and have those last memories. 💐

[TonyiaR7 in reply to kdali]

I don’t understand your expression, Those costs!! 🥰🥰. Well I gather that it must be something warm or protective. Yes I am thankful I had this opportunity. I don’t know why I didn’t call my brothers and put them on a Zoom call or speaker phone, as I think about it now. I guess I expected to see and speak to her. But I came home in anguish, saying my mother is dying. And yes she was dying, ready for the next leg of her journey. She is having a reverent ball!!

[kdali in reply to TonyiaR7]

It was suppose to say “coats” 🤦‍♀️ I love those coats!

[Kenu]

Sorry 😐 about your mom and at least you have great memories with her. Great post and really enjoyed reading it👍 Prayers are with you 🙏🤗 Ken 🐾🐾

[TonyiaR7 in reply to Kenu]

I am glad you enjoyed reading it. I enjoy re-reading it. Today was one of those days. 😢. Well I guess I going to have quite few of them. Thank you for your care.

[falalalala]

I'm sorry about your mom. <<HUGS>>

[TonyiaR7 in reply to falalalala]

More HUGS, More HUGS. I sure need them today!

[Humbrd]

You have been through alot. Your spirit is strong and you have a very kind heart. What a wonderful daughter you have been. Your mother sounds like she was an amazing woman. You must have gotten your strength from her. Stay well! 🌷

[TonyiaR7 in reply to Humbrd]

Yes. She was an amazing woman, wife, mother and friend. Thank you.

[carolek572 CommunityAmbassador]

So sad at hearing about you mom, TonyiaR7 You have been through a lot this year. Stay Strong, my friend.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to carolek572]

I am doing my best. But a UTI and other health issues are brewing. I sure miss talking to her today.

[carolek572 CommunityAmbassador in reply to TonyiaR7]

I know that it's not quite the same, TonyiaR7 but I am here for you, we are all here for you. vHugs to you

[TonyiaR7 in reply to carolek572]

Thank u

[greaterexp]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom. I'm sorry for your grief, even in the midst of waiting for that joyous meeting in heaven one day.

I'm so grateful you had a truly wonderful mother who molded you to be the beautiful woman you are. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about your mom and your love for her. You honor her with your words, but also with your kindness, love, and beautiful spirit which you share here. Thank you for sharing that photo, too. Such a lovely couple!

I wish we could meet in person so I could give you a warm hug, but I'll keep you in prayer for God's special comfort. Keep singing those hymns.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to greaterexp]

Thank you. I miss the hugs. Miss physical human interaction. Hugs to you. And all those who loss someone to Covid-19. Difficult way to mourn.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to greaterexp]

You are precious. I did have a truly wonderful, remarkable mom. All she wanted was a big happy family. She was an only child, a black child born out of wedlock during the depression. The stigma back then was terrible. Estranged from her mother, but God put her in loving, Christian homes. She did reunite with her mother and extended family; gave us a grandma who eventually became a Christian. She unconditionally loved her. She let her real father how hurt she was, at her own grandfather’s funeral, that he never claimed her. My sister and I were there to witness the show down. He didn’t say anything but he did acknowledge us. So we learn love and compassion from her. And she left a mark on this world spreading, more love and care to all. And I always felt loved as a child. So I hope I do the same honor. Love you all!🌹

[TonyiaR7]

Unfortunately my 2 brothers did not get that opportunity with Covid and my mother’s desire to be with her daughter to take care her medical needs. Their grief is overwhelming and I seem to react differently.

[JSSimp]

My prayers are with you and what a beautiful story. God bless!

[Hidden]

Thank you for sharing your story—

It sounds like your mom was a wonderful woman and passed that on to you. I am sorry for your loss.

You must have lots of great memories of her.

Blessings to you 🙏.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I don’t I will measure up to my mom. She was definitely one of a kind. However, many of her traits, values, care and love for family and others, have been passed on to me. I hope I still honor both parents, and now my mother’s legacy. We have many memories. Mostly good!

[bxrmom]

I am very sorry for the passing of your mom. I am glad you did have some good time to spend with her before her passing. Virtual hugs your way.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to bxrmom]

Thank you for the virtual hugs. I sure needed them today.

[Brindisi1]

What a beautiful testimony and a beautiful mom. Condolences on her loss but I see her living in you.

Keep up the good fight

[mrsmike9]

I assume the photo is your parents. What a lovely looking couple!! I am glad you were able to spend the last days with her. Sounds like you and she enjoyed being together. I'm glad her passing was quick and she didn't suffer. I know the loss. My mom passed in July. Every day I think of something I want to call her and tell her. Your mom will live on in you. Blessings.

[Tinker-Belle]

Praying for your peace and comfort. Blessings to you and your family.

[DIsneyQueen]

Dear ToniaR7, thank you for sharing your story. It sounds very similar to mine. Your mother was blessed to have you with her at the end of her earthly life. She needed to know she had done her best for you as you needed to know you had done your best for her. She is safely in God’s arms now with your dad watching over you and praying for you like she always has. God Bless you and may He bring you peace and comfort. 😇🙏

[Amore55]

I am so sorry for your loss. It is very difficult to lose your Mother. She sounds so lovely in every way. May you and your family find comfort and even joy in your happy memories. Hugs, Kelly

[Tulip77]

I am so sorry for your loss, but glad to hear that you were obviously blessed with a wonderful mother. My mother passed 14 years ago at the age of 64. It took me about a year to figure out my life without her in it. What I would give to be able to talk to her now. There is not a time clock on grief. Be gentle with yourself and remember the good times.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to Tulip77]

Thank you. Yes, I am starting to feel the after shock. I held myself together, arranging funeral and burial. Get flowers. I bought some beautiful cards $2 a card to give as thank you cards, pre-printed. It was hard for me to get through many. I wanted to get cards for my closest friends and to her close friends. Very emotional.

[Tulip77 in reply to TonyiaR7]

It’s the trying to go back to life after it’s all over that is hard. Routines change to accommodate the loss. It’s sucks for a while to be perfectly honest. I’m thankful my mother lived to see both of my kids, but I hate the fact that she has not been here to walk with me during some of the most difficult parts of my life. On the flip side of that, I developed a whole new relationship with my dad. I’ve always been close to him, but once mom was gone, my dad treated me more as an adult which changed our relationship. I’ve loved realizing, seeing and experiencing what a good man he is as he has walked through the trials of my life with me.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to Tulip77]

Thank u for your sympathy. Yes. My mom treated more as an adult when my father passed away, and she wasn’t hindered by the roles and relationships he expected or imposed on her. Plus she needed an adult friend, but the mothering never stopped to the end. And fathers are always looking after the safety for their daughters. I am glad he has been there for you now during difficult times.

But sooner or later we will gain enough wisdom and experience to do the same for our adult children. I find it hard for me at times treating my sons as adults. It’s because we love them so much!!

[hairbrain4]

Praying for you & your family in the loss of your mom. Losing any family member is hard but I think losing mom is the hardest. 💞

[TonyiaR7 in reply to hairbrain4]

I think so. I lost my dad and sister. My body is having a rough time. I hope my MS doesn’t flare up. I was opening cards and I started to feel ill. Yes, I miss talking to her. I feel parent less with both parents gone.

[hairbrain4 in reply to TonyiaR7]

I have lost both of my parents. It does get easier but it takes time. You have to go through the grieving process. So let yourself feel the sadness & the loss, but don't hang on to it, give it to God and let it go. As you do that you will notice the sadness and loss changes to the good memories you had with them. It also releases the mental stress it causes, which can contribute to an MS flare up. So think happy thoughts as much as you can!

[TonyiaR7 in reply to hairbrain4]

Thank you. I am focus on good memories. Last week my MS symptoms started worsening while reading sympathy cards and thanking folks. I had numbness in both legs. I have answered and read enough of the necessary cards for now. Too much stress. following your advice. 💜

[pamgarner]

my deepest sympathy,your mom will always be your mom,it is wonderful to have such good memories.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to pamgarner]

Thank you. She will always be my mom and have enough fond memories to last me a life time!

[mm1527mm]

Sorry to hear about your mother. Praying that you will find strength and peace during this difficult time. Great picture

[TonyiaR7 in reply to mm1527mm]

Thank you. I need prayers for peace within me .

[tiffortat]

I’m so sorry for your loss Tonyia. What a blessing that she left you with a lifetime of sweet memories.❤️