I am sorry that I haven't been around. Wednesday was bittersweet. It was the anniversary of the day I got up and didn't shove a gram of crank up my nose. I had been snorting a gram a day for a little over 2 years and I gave it up. I have been clean for 30 years, but lately it has been tough. This fatigue is bringing me down. I don't have the energy to do things with my sons. I don't have the energy to live my life as I want. Hell, I barely have the energy to buy myself groceries. I have been craving and wanting to "use" again. I know that I won't but the cravings are bad.
Crank was like cocaine on speed but without the paranoia. It would give me the energy if they still sell it. haha I won't do it. I can't do it. Then, I was young, muscled, and playing college baseball. I am none of those things. I have kids and MS. I have been going to meetings every day to help me get over this bump and I am sure I will prevail once again. Addiction is a disease. I will always be an addict. That will never change, but that doesn't mean I will use. It just means that I will always want to use. I just have to get through today and let tomorrow worry about tomorrow.
Thank you for letting me get this out. I think I should start a blog somewhere. Tell my story of how I got here. The life I have lived. It would be quite facinating. haha
Aaron
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TexasLawman
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Congratulations on your winning a battle. Keep going for yourself and your family. I think we can all understand the desire to feel better, even if it's only temporary. It's wonderful that you understand where giving in to an unhealthy craving can lead, and that you don't want to go there. Hurrah for you!
Thank you for sharing your honest account of life how it has been for you. It took guts to do that, so you have already shown how strong you are, so you can handle this ms. I hope that you can get help with the fatigue, Blessings Jimeka 😊
One Day at a Time 🙏. I know things get crazy and it’s time to call a sponsor or another friend of Bill’s! Meetings are great 👍 and keeps us back to reality. Hang in there you know it’s not worth going back and just add another problem. 👍🙏😉😊🐫🐪 Ken 🐾🐾
Congrats for staying sober for so long! Don't give in to the cravings. Stay strong.
Have you been checked for sleep apnea yet? I was recently tested for it and apparently I tend to forget to breath while sleeping so I don't get good quality sleep at all. That adds to my fatigue. I'm waiting for a cpap machine that might help at least some with the fatigue. We'll see.
Yes, I have sleep apnea and I use a device called Inspire. It is an electrode that I can turn on with a press of a button. It sends an unnoticeable shock that works like a cPap but without the Darth Vador situation. haha Thank you though.
Congrats on staying strong and staring down the dragon of addiction! Keep fighting the temptation for yourself and your kids. You are modeling strength in adversity. That’s a powerful lesson that they are learning from you.
Most of us deal with that blasted fatigue. It sure gets in the way of living life at times. It’s part of my daily life and has been for decades. I’ve tried different remedies without much success so I just live with it like many other MS’ers do.
Kudos to you on accomplishing to kick bad habit. I know physically you don't feel strong but mentally you are! Continue to stay strong! Our best medicine is when we can recognize our own issue and strive to continue to do better!
so glad you kicked the addiction,daily trial i am sure,there are so many addictions we all are marching through I am sure.smoking ,drinking,food,gambling.Just think about how strong we are when we beat it,we had to pull courage and strength from our whole being.sometimes we have to march through the desert for along time to get to where we should be.As far as fatigue,my worse enemy,I think sometimes I am Rip Van Winkle, I could sleep for 20 years.I just sit down and fall asleep.it is irritating I want to do so much,but then I think about when I was working, I would have killed for a nap!Thank goodness everyday is different,handle tomorrow when it comes, we just need to take care of today and it will be a good day!
Congrats on 30 years sober, that is a GREAT milestone to reach. Keep it up, one day at a time. I know sometimes it can be hard and its one second, one minute, on hour, one day...but keep it up. We are here if you need to vent. Keep up with attending the meetings.
Aaron, it would be fascinating (and NO "ha ha"). Do it! It would help you get it out and it also may help someone! I'm proud of you for being clean! I can barely imagine how hard it must be for you. This group stands with you and let it out when you need to.
Congratulations to you on continuing to prevail in this never ending battle. Wish there was something we could do about the fatigue. Prayers for you, my fellow Texan.
I read your message and I am SO proud of you. 30 years is awesome. I love coming here because so many of us have stories and I admire you for all you are dealing with right now and your accomplishments. I wished I had more energy too and I would do anything to live the life as far as energy, walking, thinking, and etc as I did 5 years ago. Keep doing what you are doing for yourself and your family. I am dealing with a few things that I am questioning my self as to what am I going to do now with the challenges that I am facing. So I will think of you and how strong you are and how you got through this. I will keep you in my thoughts. You will be fine. You are making leaps and bounds as I am and our family here at Health Unlocked are here for you. Vent whenever needed. We are here for you.
i think this is great for talking about it i think helps , i feel for you for my husband use to be an alcoholic ...it has been hard on him it has been well over 20 years but i think he still misses the bar scene ..but it almost busted our marriage and he stopped to save it ...have you talked to your doctors for they may help with the fatigue ...it is the pits but we just get up and do what we can since i have been on Ocrecvus i have had so much more ,feel so much better so i don't know if you are on any drs for the ms but it sure helps me and walking so better ...i worked in my yard this summer and that is the most i have done since i was dxs in 2004 where before i had been working and when we moved here i worked everyday on clearing the property of the bitter bush and other stuff so i know it does work to make it better at least for me ...good luck to find and answer for the fatigue which is part of the ms but maybe they may have a suggest to help you ...love your sons that is the main thing for your sons and to be there for them ...children need someone to show them the road for life to grow up and have a wonderful life ...you are strong and you can do it for yourself and them...take care and stay safe ....if you believe in God he can help if you ask him for the help i am not a bible thumper but it has helped many and yes i do believe in the angels that help us ...they said me several times in some bad situations with my husband so i do believe very much there is a higher power that can help us threw terrible situations that we are in and in our hour of need to get out of ...sorry for the babbling but you really do sound like a very strong case of working on this for the rest of your life to keep yourself safe and to be there for the boys ...take care love yourself so they can love you ....love and happiness lots of laughter ...
I’d be remiss to read this and not say that being in ketosis, I assume, is similar to crack...except free and legal.
It’s a crappy addiction to have when MS zaps your energy and your brain tells you it knows what you need a little of to feel better. Bad brain! Kudos to you for 30 years and for telling your story to us. I’m a firm believer that stories left here help more than we will ever know because we never know who is reading and not replying. If it helps you to talk about it, please do! We are never dealing with just MS around here.
I feel the part about your kids. I feel like a failure with my toddler sometimes, and my limitations are not that much.
My heart breaks for you as I have witnessed the battle with my son. He was addicted to heroin and fought the addiction over half his life. He went to Coleman for rehab. They started him on suboxon, basically something else for him to be addicted to. They also prescribed anti-depressents. After years of being on these meds, they pulled his prescriptions cold turkey. I called them and begged them not to stop drugs immediately. Travis had his drivers license revoked and wasn’t able to get to daily meetings. This is why they pulled everything. Travis passed within three days. My point is, we can give you all the moral support in the world but don’t be in a position you are dependent on anyone. Be strong and use your inner strength to get you through. Words of encouragement from a broken hearted mom.
Congrats on being sober its mind set just look at your kids i totally understand cause i was an addict at one time but you gotta be strong for your babys. I cant do alot with my kids either but your still there to love them. Also drugs do us more harm than good. Its mind over matter be strong and fight it.
Addiction is a life long battle and I am glad you recognize that just because you haven't used for 30 years doesn't mean it comes easy with no chance of using again. Continue to use the tools you learned 30 years ago to get through each day.
wow man your honesty is amazing, to lay your weaknesses out there for everyone to see has to be a strength. I’m a husband/caregiver of a wife with advanced M.S and know how hard it is to fight that habit. Everyday I fight a losing battle, but I MUST keep fighting to the bitter end. There’s something poetic in fighting the good fight right!
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Been there doing it again 
Been home every day for 6 weeks 
I have been longing to get in a pool! Finally!
19 June 2023 The day at LAST
