MS: Hello. My dad is 91 years old and has... - My MSAA Community

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Ansee5 profile image
12 Replies

Hello. My dad is 91 years old and has MS. He has been accusing my mom of having an affair. Why and where is this coming from? It’s destroying my mom and she’s the one taking care of him. Is it Dementia? What can she do about it? I told her to her to walk away the next time he says that to her.

12 Replies
greaterexp profile image
greaterexp

I’m sad to hear this. Brain atrophy is almost a given with MS, but to varying degrees, and it may not be responsible for a change in mood or cognition. Has he been evaluated recently by his neurologist or primary care doctor? It must be hard on all of you.

Raingrrl profile image
Raingrrl

Hi Ansee5 ...

I’m sorry you dealing with such a stressful situation. I’m sure you understand that we aren’t doctors here and can’t diagnose. Can you and/or your Mom speak with your Dad’s doctor? It does sound like dementia though; whether or not it’s MS related probably isn’t significant. I have a neighbor in the late stages of dementia so I know how out of touch with reality people with dementia can get. I wish you strength to get through this. Good luck!

RoyceNewton profile image
RoyceNewton

ms is a brain disease, central Nervous system technically. I assume your mum is in in her eighties, hats off to her for being such a great wife. I feel for her pain but it is a brain disease and he most likely can not help it as much as ha may want to. Just support her and just imagine what he must be going through. Your mother is a very very good wife.

Kenu profile image
Kenu

Dementia is so hard it effects everyone except the one who has it😣. I went through it with my wife’s grandma and my mom. They one with it doesn’t understand what is going on 🤷🏼‍♂️. I’ll you can do is stand by your mother and help anyway you can. Has he been evaluated by a doctor? I have not heard of MS causing this type of reaction? MS, old age, Dementia? Good Luck and let us know how it works out.👍🙏😉 Ken 🐾🐾

goatgal profile image
goatgal

As others here are suggesting, based on our experiences, this sounds like dementia. Your dad's doctor is the best place to start the search for answers. If it is dementia, your dad really can't control what is happening to him and your mom needs support in dealing with this additional burden. You do need to find real help for each of you with your varied needs because this will probably not go away. Please take care of yourself.

pamgarner profile image
pamgarner

of course you need to talk to dr.at least he/she will give you direction.Could be several things at his age,could be physical(dementia,brain shrinkage,etc. many things).I have a father 88, and I have noticed when his independence has slowly disappeared he has started blaming everyone around him.we sold his house and moved him to assisted living,than sold his car.He cannot understand why things have to change. and wants to go back to the life he remembers even though he couldn't manage it anymore by himself.maybe your dad is lashing out at your mom because it maybe the last thing in his mind that may disappear.he may think "everything else has disappeared" and he feels he can't control anything anymore.Aging is a yuck!

agate profile image
agate

Ansee5 , I'm assuming you've heard these accusations yourself and aren't just taking your mother's word for it. Is it faintly possible that your mom could be exaggerating somewhat or even making it up? If she's older as well, she may have her own problems with cognition and misunderstanding of situations.

Even uncorrected hearing loss can lead to huge misunderstandings that are often mistaken for dementia.

I'm just saying that it's best to be very cautious in approaching a situation like this one. Be absolutely sure you understand what is really going on.

If your dad is accusing your mom of having an affair, you could always try persuading her not to let herself be bothered by it. Could she be coaxed into just treating his accusations lightly--shrugging them off as "just a wild hair" he has and hoping it will pass if she just lets some time go by? This seems to me to be a far easier path than trying to talk your dad out of his idea...

Ansee5 profile image
Ansee5 in reply to agate

I haven’t personally heard it but I do believe my mom and she is 10 years younger than my dad

kycmary profile image
kycmary

I agree with the others dementia is more than likely when my mother-in-law went "off" on a rampage I'd try to jolly her up get her mind off what ever set her off. You could try something like that. First make sure there is nothing else happening with him. I will be praying for your whole family. Mary

tnolan2006 profile image
tnolan2006

Yes - dementia, all too common in MS.

BigMar7 profile image
BigMar7

Ansee5, I am so sorry for what you all are being put through. Everyone here has given you very good advice. I hope you find a solution to the problem. 😀❤️🌺😎

mrsmike9 profile image
mrsmike9

I would say yes to dementia. Perhaps he was insecure in the past and it's being pulled to the surface. My mom has it. It is SO hard to deal with. Everyone has already said to take him to his doctor. Definitely agree with this one. With my mom, I just met her where she was. She would say, Why hasn't Henry (my dad) come to see me? He died in 2002, so I would say, "Oh, you know how busy he is with Science Central (he helped start that). I'm sure he'll be around." Knowing she would forget she asked. If you're around when your dad says something like that, perhaps you can say, "What makes you think that dad?" Perhaps that will give you a clue where this is coming from. Good luck to you and especially your mom. It must be so hard for her.

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