I feel so alone...

[Wizardsmom]

Hi all, I am feeling so alone today. I found out about my husband's emotional affair 2 months ago. He said that all we did was go to the doctor or I was always at the doctor. Things have been better since, but I worry that he just isn't going to be there for me. We have been married for almost 26 years and have 4 kids and I was diagnosed with MS only 3 1/2 years ago. I thought he was my rock but now I found out that he is a bunch of pebbles....I feel I can't rely on him and worry that his affair will start up again if I do. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

[MsGelfling1]

I'm so sorry for your troubles. I don't have anyone I can count on anymore either. My husband left when I got sick. It can't get any worse. It has to start getting better soon.

[Qt314grl in reply to MsGelfling1]

I’m so sorry, he doesn’t deserve you anyway!!

[jimeka]

It’s frightening. You give your best for all those years , as you say you thought he was your rock, and then when the going gets tough, they opt out. I have been married 27 years, and all I can do with my hubby is apologise. I am too tired to go out at night, going shopping once a week was hard, so now I get home delivery. Life changes so much for everyone. I am sorry that your hubby choose the route he has, but he has to realise that not only has he cheated on you but also on his 4 children, and he now has to live with that. I hope that you can resolve things, trust is a hard thing to restore. Be strong, but please try to not get too stressed, your ms won’t like it. Blessings Jimeka 🦋 🤗

[greaterexp]

It’s been a very short time, so I have hope that you can overcome the pain and that he will learn what real love is. He could become that rock. That said, I do hope you develop a support system beyond your husband. He may not be able to always give you all the support you need, no matter how much he grows.

I’m glad you can come here where we all understand what MS is like to live with.

[CloverPrincess]

I’m sorry 😐 you can always rely on the people in this forum as well as contact a local MS navigator with the national MS Society on their website.

[Kenu]

Sometimes it is better to know where you stand 👍. I am sorry 😐 that he has let you down and it would be hard to just forget about it. My brother did this and he also had 4 kids and it ended his marriage after twenty six years 🤷🏼‍♂️. He had ended the relationship, but she could not forget and I don’t blame her. All I can say is lots of prayers and vent to help with the pain 👍. Stay strong and we are here for you 🙏🙏🐾 Ken

[ssdw1958]

I to hope your husband wakes up to realize that the two of you started out as a team and yes you may have changed but it still doesn’t give him the right to stray from you. Like others here have said what about the children. It doesn’t matter how old they are. Your a family and families stick together. Do you have any one you two can go talk to. First you have a one on one, then he does and then all three of you together. I am taking like someone from your church not a friend because you don’t need this spread all over the place the word I am looking for is discreet.

I’ve been married for 34 years and I’ve known him for 7 years before that. But my husband said to our oldest son we were friends before we got married and we will always be friends

If and I think you do want to fight for your husband then you need to, and you need to let him know that.

Stay strong.

Sandra

[Morllyn]

Sorry. 🤭😔 We are always here to listen. 👂

[Momjules]

I’m just sorry for you

[bxrmom]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Are you guys now in counseling? How about you by yourself? We are always here for you to come to and vent, cry, etc. I hope you guys are able to work things out eventually. Trust is a hard thing to get back once it's broken. Font give up hope just yet.

Jessie

[REDLIPS44]

I am so sorry to hear this. I think the person without MS always looks at the worst that can happen.. I have been single for over 17 years, and now have met someone and all I can think of is why would he want to sign up for this, I use a rollator 24/7 doesn't bother me but I wonder what he really feels.

[Qt314grl in reply to REDLIPS44]

Because you are more than just a body using a rollator!! He obviously likes the inner you. Don’t let your fears push him away. You deserve to be loved too.

[REDLIPS44 in reply to Qt314grl]

Thank you

[Shan58]

So very sorry and pray things work out. You are loved on this site..

[Bxpeach1962]

Hi sweetie. My husband did the same thing to me after I got diagnosed with RRMS Over 26 years ago. I was so sick and fighting to get better but with the stress I was only getting worse. I didn’t know what to do with 3 children that needed me. I had lost all feeling from breat to feet totally. Doctors said I would never walk again. But I’m here to tell you that the devil is a liarer!!!!!!!!!!! It took two months to regain complete mobility. Once God restored my body I put him out because that’s where the stress was coming from which was destroying me . I got better and was able to go back to work. I’m doing great sweetie and now it’s 26 years later. Thanks to god I’m 100% mobile/ 20/20 vision. I wish you nothing but the best. God bless you

[Qt314grl in reply to Bxpeach1962]

Yeah!! Way to go!

[CraigS]

I’m so sorry. Please find someone close you can confide in to help you.

Counseling? I don’t think that this is an unusual feeling for the spouses of people like us. Understanding I feel is key.

[Wizardsmom in reply to CraigS]

Our counselor says he needs a support system, which he doesn't really have. I can't get that for him, I am working on my own support system. I wish he would open up to his guy friends.

[positiveness]

Well I'm glad you had a chance to ramble. I feel as though we are all here for that reason.

[elaineinqueens]

Hello,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. You need to have someone close to you that you can talk to - and you can always talk to us, we are all here to listen and support and care! Perhaps counseling will help. It may be that he is "running scared", that he doesn't know what the future will bring and it is hard for him to handle you being sick, or even weak physically. That certainly does not excuse him, but it could be something that may be worked through in counseling. When people take those vows of "in sickness or health" they are often doing it when both are healthy and they can't visualize down the road the things can can happen to either spouse. Try to stay strong and lean on friends, family and all of us any time you need to! Hugs to you!!!!!!!! -Elaine

[Wizardsmom in reply to elaineinqueens]

Thank you!

[MS_Indestructible]

I had to think for a while. I know you just needed to rant, however, maybe I can just put a shed of light on the subject. I am guy, and I not going to defend your husbands actions. You state your husband had an "emotional affair" not a physical one. Guys are strange [me included] from a womans point of view and "vice a verse a". Sounds like he has found a female "friend" he has confided in. I want to keep this short, but maybe he is trying to be strong for you by not talking to you about the fears he has about your health. Maybe he didn't know how to talk to you. To talk to his "guy" friends about the subject matter could show weakness to his friends. Only you and him would know. Sounds like you two need to create a safe place that the two of you would feel safe to talk about what is happening and why he feels the need to talk to another female. This might need to be a church official or a marriage therapist. But you guys have 26 years together with three children. Not simply something to throw a way. He might not be aware that his actions were harmful to you. Anyway, he was wrong, but maybe he can change if he knew how. I could say more but I'm not a therapist. Know we all are here for you and you can rant here anytime you want. I'm sure it is very emotional/stressful for you. Hang in there. I hope the best for you and your family. Things change with time, they are not always immediate ~terry

[Qt314grl]

Let’s try this again...my first response I deleted was for anothe poster on this thread.

Ok-so how are defining an emotional affair? Is this a work friend? I know it’s common for people to have “work wives/husbands” because they spend so much time together. When I was in the work force, I had a “no time alone outside of work” rule. Meaning, we could go out for drinks and stuff with a group of friends but I never spent time alone with members of the opposite sex outside of work. It’s just to easy for bad things to happen. Perhaps if you guys decided on that guideline then you’d start moving back to trusting him?

[Wizardsmom in reply to Qt314grl]

My husband would call and text her and talk about how all we did was go to the doctor. He also saved quotes on his phone. One of them said "I don't understand why destiny allowed two people to meet when there is no way they can be together". That's why I called it an emotional affair. I don't really know 100% that it wasn't physical.

[Qt314grl in reply to Wizardsmom]

Ouch that stinks. Has he said it is over now? Getting trust back will be hard but hopefully not impossible. I’m so sorry.

[Babslover]

Hopefully he rembers why you got married, for better or worse. No one can forsee what is around the corner. Hopefully it will get better. 🙏

[Wizardsmom in reply to Babslover]

Thanks, I hope so too.