After reading Jes's post on the process of grieving I was inspired to write this post . Having been diagnosed with MS 4 years ago I have days still when my symptoms overwhelm me and my anger comes to the surface. After the outrage and the anger leave me then the depression hits because I understand that this is who I am and where I am today and it is not the me that I ever pictured before I was very very old. It was then that I found out the hard way, that the key to the depression is to focus on positive things.
I sometimes have to repeat this phrase to myself 3, 4, 5 times a day to keep my attitude where I want it and that is to find the positive in my situation. It is then that I keep telling myself how lucky I am to have MS. Yes you heard me right, I feel lucky and we all are lucky to have MS. We have a future. It might not be the future we dreamed of, but I know I will see my sons marry. Next, I know I will see my grand babies. I will be able to laugh with them, to set with them, to read with them, and be part of each stage with them as they grow toward adulthood.
Now you ask why I say that we are lucky to have this dreaded monster. It is because I lost two sister-in-laws to cancer. Both were way too young to die. Fanny was in her mid forties and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We lost her less than a year-and-a-half after she was diagnosed. Julie was in her late sixties. We lost her less than two and a half years after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Now, my step daughter, who I am extremely close to and blessed to have her for a daughter, just found out her mother was given less than 10 years to live due to an aggressive form of Parkinson's disease she's been fighting for the last 2 years.
I am certain that each of us can relate this story to their own family to some extent. With MS we have time to Hope and to pray for new Therapies to beat this monster. Why in just the last few years the new therapies that has been developed are delaying our disease progression and buying us even more time until we find The Cure. I'll be 59 this summer and I I am uncertain that a cure will be found in my lifetime. However, for the younger members in this chat room and God forbid that my children contract this monster I believe a cure for MS will be found in their lifetimes. Once we find out what causes and brings on MS, we can cure it.
So whatever the story reads related to yourself, you need to realize how lucky we are to have MS. Will that stop our grieving, no. Will that lessen the shock of discovering we have MS, no. Will that stop us from getting depressed, no. But if we can focus on the aspect that we are indeed lucky to have MS it ffan lessen our depression and anger and allows us to control, to some extent, our grieving process. Thus it can improve our outlook on life and all it entails!
Written by
Fancy1959
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Morillyn, some days it's harder than others to remember this fact. But I always repeat it over and over when I get depressed or angry and it does seem to help. That's why I shared. Fancy.
Ssdw1958, it's Fancy1959. That's my job and I tried to lighten our load wherever I can. Attitude is everything. Especially when you're dealing with the monster we call MS. Fancy.
RoseySawyer, it's Fancy1959. We all have those days so don't feel like you're the Lone Ranger. As long as we keep the attitude that were lucky on most days it's a win-win for us. No one can be bubbly and happy 365 days a year. It is just not possible with this monster we live with🙂.
Elaineinqueens, it's Fancy1959. There is much we can learn from one another if we share our thoughts. It is what we do best in this chat room. That's why I always say together we are stronger!
Thanks for sharing that Fancy1959 You are so very right! We are lucky to have been diagnosed with MS. And with all the different therapies out now, we are more blessed than ever.
I’ve had this disease for 14 years and for11 of those years I’ve been trying to keep my job and dealing with the other monsters at my job and that took so much out of me I totally forgot to remember ME and really deal with my MS the way I should have. Now that I am home I am trying to deal with the MS and you know what it’s hard to try to put ME as number one. WOW talking here and trying to put my house in order it really is a challenge, maybe with spring coming I should turn over a new leaf and figure it out. I need a plan. A good plan. I want to thank you all and you fancy1959 you got me thinking about ME.
Ssdw1958, it's Fancy1959. If I achieve the fact that I got you thinking about yourself then I've had a huge success today! It's hard sometimes to put yourself first and it's even harder to realize we're not as independent as we used to be. That's so hard to give up. It can be so hard to ask for help when we never had to ask for it before. Just remember what my nephew taught me all we have to do as ladies is ask for help every time we need it from the best looking guy within our range of vision! LOL! You'll find out if you follow this advise it won't be near as hard to ask for help as it used to be. Hahaha!
Oh Fancy1959 you are unbelievable LOL I’ll have to remember that for the best looking guy. Thanks for that bit of advice but it is so true with MS I do second-guess myself and I hate that part so it takes me a little bit longer to do things that It shouldn’t.
Very inspiring piece of writing Fancy1959 I have to agree with u. Seeing my mum pass away after an awful 2 years of end stage Heart Failure and my best friend Sandra died of lung cancer 6 weeks after diagnosis 😕😕😕😕😕😕.
Oh God bless you janetb1968. What an absolutely horrible way to come to terms with were lucky to have MS. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your mother and your best friend would be very very hard. The only positive Point here is that no one is suffering anymore as they watch you from above and guide you during your journey with MS. I'll be thinking of you all day today. Take care until we speak again. Fancy
Humph. I don't have to feel lucky to have MS! I hate it! And personally it can seriously kiss off! Pretty sure I had been thru hell and back enough to not get kicked with this chit!
But that's a between me and MY Angels 💕n God.💕 Seems we have a love hate relationship. He loves to kick me down, and I love proving him wrong!
But MS and I have learned to live together, because it's easier that way. IF it needs a day I give it, because the next day is Mine! 😊
Awe. Jes , if that works for you darn if I'm going to get in between you and your love hate relationship with life in general.! LOL! Go tough nut! Your attitude can be all inspiring to the other tough nuts in this chat room. Keep it up. LOL!
Fancy1959 - We are twins but you have a better attitude. I turn 59 in May and I was diagnosed 4 1/2 years ago.
Your post reminds me of when we adopted our first son from Russia. He had been horribly mutilated and required 9 surgeries the first year we had him. I remember well our first trip to Riley Hospital in Indianapolis and feeling so badly for our little son. Then I saw in wheelchairs bald little children and thought, you know J has had a horrible thing happen to him and is going to go through trying surgeries, but he will LIVE. I just knew those little bald children were going through chemo.
If we open our eyes we can always find someone worse off than us. However when it affects US, it still is painful and depressing. Sometimes it is just hard to recover from that.
This is mrsmike9buffering, of course it's hard and of course sometimes it's hard to evade the depression that stalks us everyday with this disease. But we can only let the depression take his down it's deep dark hole if we allow it to. We have a subconscious choices humans or should I say a conscious choice is more accurate 2 live our life with a smile on her face and hoping her heart with her glass half full or to live our life down in the whole depression leads us with a frown on her face and looking at our life as if her glass is half empty. Long ago, before MS even stalked me I made the conscious choice 2 live my life with joy in my heart and a smile on my face. Keeping positive does much to alleviate the depression and why would I want to go through life mad at the world and letting myself fall in the deep hole depression can create. It sure doesn't help anything in the world but I have found myself there before as well. I keep saying to myself how lucky I am How Lucky I Am how lucky I am when the depression stalks me. It helps some but more than that my family support helps and finally wins over and I know unloved and I know I have a purpose in life. As one of our chat room member stated earlier I might have MS but MS doesn't have me. Think about that the next time the depression hits and I think it will help tremendously. Fancy.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression a very long time ago. My family, from my mom's side, has a history of a chemical imbalance. It seems easy to me, that some of you can just put on a smile and "make yourself" happier. It's much more complicated with clinical depression. It reminds me of when people tell us that we look good, not knowing the pain and effort we have to go through to get through our days. My depression is like that as well. I am unable to make myself happier just by plastering a smile on my face. I rely on medication, that sometimes my body adjusts to, so it won't work anymore.
Having MS has been another nail in my coffin. I have 2 disable sons that are incredibly taxing, physically and emotionally, to deal with 24/7. My mom is 95 and doesn't know who I am anymore. I had to lose my house, that I designed and had built, because of MS. I couldn't drive my car that was rather quirky and fit my personality because my left leg couldn't hold the clutch in anymore. I had to change jobs from a full time one to a part time one, MUCH less money. So we struggle financially.
So you must excuse me if I can't just put a brave face on and pretend everything is fine. It's not the way I'm wired...
Couldn’t agree more. I try to think of it as a blessing everyday no matter how hard that can be. A positive attitude and taking the time (which many of us did not have b4 our diagnosis) to recognize and appreciate the little things can help so much. After the passing of my young friend earlier this week, it became so apparent the effect we have on others. That is what she devoted every minute of every to and it is obvious in the posts I have been reading on FB - whether from family, friends, people who only had the chance to meet her one time, etc. Here is one in particular which really hit me:
“The older I get the more life's tragedies give me pause and sometimes regret. Regret that I failed to tell someone of their positive impact on me, and the world around them. Sometimes the greatest impact is just an infectious smile, and unending support to all. Humans rely so much on one another and depend on human relationships, yet find it difficult to share with others how amazing they are.
Share gratitude with those you love and respect. Tell someone today that you value who they are, how they are, and how they have impacted you. Tomorrow you may not be able to.”
This post was from a Team USA Coach who had only met her a few times. And it isn’t just bc of how beautifully he stated it - it’s that he’s acting on it. He has responded to every single comment telling each person the impact they have had on his life.
During our MS grieving, look deep and find the positive(s) of your situation. It has definitely helped me.
Amen! It comes down to and how we look at life. The conscious decision to be positive. And it goes back to the old saying is your glass half-full or half-empty..
Thank you Fancy, for your great thoughtful post. I spent a lot of my career working with disabled children, who never had the pleasures of walking, or feeling normal. I am always reminded of how lucky I have been. It’s not always easy to stay positive, but the benefits are huge. we are really lucky not to be diagnosed with something terminal, that won’t allow us the time to see our children and grandchildren grow up. Thank you for the good reminder. I will write you down tonight in my gratitude journal. 😊🙏
By the way you certainly deserve bragging rights, living next to Justify. That is so cool! Have a good day. Linda
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Just for fun: what do you call your MS? She? He? It? Did you give it a nickname?
