Hello gang it's Fancy1959. I know a lot of people have been very supportive and wants to know what is going on with me. No one has been more supportive than my fella Community Ambassadors Jes and Tutu. I finally realized after we got away for our anniversary that I have isolated myself from not only this chat room but family and friends as well. This Monster we live with loves to work on our psyche and cause bouts of depression which then in turn makes us hide from ourselves, our friends, and our loved ones.
Having a series of four falls and tearing up my meniscus did more than I realized to my self-image and my self perseverance. On top of that waiting for the ever-elusive Ocrevus seems to be taking longer than I realized. Between it all I've come to realize I let myself basically stop fighting and give up to some degree. Well I'm here to tell you now that ends here! I am doing home therapy by myself again and today I start with working with my grip strength, my balance by playing with balls, and I even ordered a old-fashioned Thigh Master to work on my leg strength and especially my arm strength.
Somehow I forgot about what I preach everyone else that is to never give in and never give up to the beast. I also forgot that as an MS Warrior we need to fight on even against all odds. And lastly I also forgot that together we are stronger! I guess I'm writing this in hopes that anyone else doing self-imposed isolation and giving up will realize it can happen to any of us. Then we'll also realize it's the Beast Within us that makes this so. So Battle it back down, pick your self up, and fight fight fight! I need you once again to help you battle this Beast back and support you in any way I can. And again thanks to all the wonderful family members in this chat room, and especially Jes and Tutu, for worrying about me and realizing something wasn't quite adding up and keeping tabs on me.
More posts will follow soon , as my oldest son is moving today and I'll be somewhat busy. Please remember together we are stronger!
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Fancy1959
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@fancy1959. Good for you. Glad you're back. Good to hear your words of encouragement. I know I need them. I've been going thru some things my self and it's refreshing to hear someone remind you to not give in to this thing that we all fight. The last few days stress has really took it's till on me and ive let it get me down and hearing you remind us not to give in But fight was an on time word. Thanks. Glad you're back in fighting form and God bless.
Fancy1959 so happy to hear your voice, so to speak! I am so happy you have realized your issue and are taking steps to fix it! We are all praying for you!
Fancy1959 , I'm so happy you're doing better. Thank you for posting honestly about your recent struggle. It's a great reminder to be always vigilant in watching for the first sign of depression or discouragement. We can't control much in life or with this disease, but we can at least try to keep a positive attitude and remain hopeful. It's sure easier at some times than at others, but doses of encouragement and laughter, especially from our friends here, are so therapeutic!
We are all hoping and praying for you to heal quickly from your falls. We missed you!
So happy to hear you cheering us all on from the sidelines, Fancy1959 . We're here for you, praying and continuing to cheer you on as well. Sending a big hug...💞
Fancy1959 thank you for being so honest. I am sorry that you have had such a rough time of it, we all seem to have up and down days, literally. Hopefully you are now on the mend. On a brighter note, happy belated anniversary, was it any special one? Blessings Jimeka
Fancy1959 Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. The image that comes to mind is how a garden may be lashed by rain, the plant stalks bent, blossoms frayed...but the next day or so, the stems upright, new buds on the flowers. You epitomize strength and resiliance.
Fancy1959 If it weren't for my husband, I would probably keep myself isolated. Depression is a horrible condition, something I've been battling, usually not well, for a long time. I will go days ignoring things and then try to make up for it all at once. I know I probably should seek treatment, take something, or whatever. Every time this last year when asked I say I'm depressed. All that's gotten me is a diagnosis of depression and notes in my medical records. It seems to be up to my primary care doctor who I haven't even seen in a year. So I shovel my way out f the hole I put myself in and I have a wonderful husband who keeps me sane.
melack01 , why hasn't your doctor (neuro or primary care) prescribed an antidepressant or counseling? I'm kind of shocked it was just noted in your chart and then shrugged off. MS can cause primary or secondary depression. And of course, depression can exist separate from MS too. I'm just surprised at your docs' lack of action. Thankfully you are blessed with your husband...💕
WAshingtongirl They all know how to ask the right questions...they just don't know what to do with the answers. If my primary care doctor has noticed, she hasn't said anything. I guess I have to demand help and I just don't do that. I'm a veteran, though not a combat veteran. My medical is through the VA. I guess they're not in tune with non-combat, non-PTSD depression.
How sad, melack01 , all veterans count, and all depression should be addressed. I see my primary care annually. She always goes a step further with, "Now how are you really feeling and doing?" My neuro is on top of things too. Praying you get the best care...💕
I'm supposed to see my primary yearly. I'm probably about due. But I hate using the phone because I tune out mid conversation. At the VA it's easier to see the specialists than the primary care.
WAshingtongirl . At 3 this morning I was using the veterans crisis line. I took the depression quiz and was advised to seek treatment immediately. They even offered to make an appointment for me. I told them I was seeing my neurologist this week and my primary care physician next month and that if I still didn't get help, I would get back with them.
Welcome back Fancy1959. Happy to hear you are back and fighting the monster! We are stronger when we are together! You go girl!
Thanks Fancy1959 . I needed that kick in the ass! I realize I've been isolating because of what this stupid ms has been doing to my body, and it's time for me to buck-up and fight back. I lost yet another doctor recently, and am searching for a new one that will listen to me and actually care about my quality of life. I don't get depressed often (I've had ms for 25 years), but my pain has gotten unbearable, and I realize that I'm exhibiting signs of depression. And I never want to go there again - the "black hole" I call it. I've allowed myself to go to those dark places in the past, so I try to recognize the signs while I still have time to stop it! I went to a couple of new doctors to help me with the pain, and I was treated very badly. Your post has inspired me to just keep searching, and to take care of myself in the meantime. I refuse to allow ms to rule my life!! And I won't continue to isolate, either! God bless all of you for being here.
Thanks for sharing. I needed to hear every word as I have been struggling with isolation due to severe fatigue, severe memory and cognitive deficits as well. Yesterday when I told my husband i was worried because I was worse than normal.... not being able to complete a thought, sentences, etc. , he told me he didn't see a change. When I asked further, "Don't you think I'm obviously some worse than a year ago?" He got defensive and yelled "YES! BUT YOUR MS HAS BEEN BAD FOR YEARS!" That's all I got, and needless to say, I thought last night I may as well quit trying. I know that's wrong and your message is an inspiration to me!💐Thanks!
Hi, I'm Sally and new to this site, but I want to congratulate you for fighting and I hope you feel better soon! I'm fighting too - I have MS and severe osteoporosis, and I've been dealing with fractures in my foot for almost one year. I'm starting (again!) with physical therapy. It makes me feel better so I guess that's what we have to do. Hang in there!
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