I'm OK.

So going to be honest here. It's been a really stressful month and it ALL blew up the other day!

Should of known things were kind of to good, for like 2days haha. Started with argument with mom, big 1, hung up on her, next day she's in the hospital.πŸ˜‘ Long story short, dad, 2 brothers blame me. Not the fact the SHE decided to NOT take her meds, including her antidepressants! And she won't eat, drink, talk to anyone and it's my fault.πŸ˜‘ Yeah me. I'm now taken off all her medical stuff. And have had pretty much NO information until yesterday,when she called saying she was doing a bit better.

The bf is still waiting for the pipelines to open up! In the mean time he's driving me nuts with he's feeling sorry for himself! Ripped into him, lm about done with that! Get over it! LOL

Then l got seriously angry and said something's to friends that l never meant!

Because you see l thought l could handle it being 2 yrs. Boy was l wrong.

2 yrs brought back so many emotions that l couldn't handle them all! I literally got sick. Believe me when I saw lm so thankful for you all,but l forget you guys can help me to! I was so scared, anxious, angry and that word acceptance? I had it for about 10mins but as hard as tried l couldn't hold on to it.

So for the past 2days took apart my grandma's chest of drawers and deep oiled them and watched the Magicians. And took a whole Xanax.uhg.

But you know what? Time doesn't stop, and it's always One foot in front of the other! And lm ok!


35 Replies

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  • Here's A BIG HUG for you ☺☺

  • Thank you Royjr 🌠~hugs~ back!

  • Jes, Jes, Jes. What can I say! 🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫



    🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌞🌞🌞🌞🐾🐾🐾🐾 Razor kisses 😘

  • We are always here for you Jesmcd2 πŸ’πŸ’πŸ’

  • Thank you erash sometimes l forgot that partπŸ˜žβ˜ΊπŸ˜…

  • Ah Jesmcd2, life can be hard and MS sure knows how to complicate it. I believe you posted that serenity prayer a while back (God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot control...). I am going to be praying that for you, and hoping peace follows. We all love you. πŸ’ž

  • Don't make me cry Tutu !!! Thank you!πŸ’•πŸŒ 

  • Jesmcd2 Hope venting made you feel better. Being off your mom's medical stuff might be a good thing as it will take some stress off you.


  • I think tackling my grandma's chest too the stress off!! I have muscles hurting that haven't hurt in a long time Iona60 πŸ˜… πŸ’•πŸŒ 

  • Lots of hugs and prayers for you Jesmcd2. You're doing the right thing, take care of you! Your family will come around after they've had what they think is their way. I know what you're saying, been there myself. Venting is good, takes so much stress and pressure off. We all love you and know you're here for us and for your family! <3

  • Thank you jennie62 !! I'm going to be up in your neck of the woods this week! Keep the good weather!!!!

  • Here's hoping for better weather than the past couple days. Have a good trip!

  • I sat outside yesterday in the sun for about an hr yesterday! jennie62 It felt amazing! 🌠 Here's to spring!!

  • It's good for you to vent to people who 'get it' Jesmcd2! I'm sorry you have been dealing with so much. Please take care of you first! I agree with Iona60 that it may be a blessing in disguise to be removed from your Mom's medical stuff...especially if she isn't listening to you. Let you Dad and your siblings deal with her instead of blaming you.

  • Than you Raingrrl If only it was that easy! πŸ˜… I have a serverly wacked out family! I have a TTL of 5 brothers 3 step brothers who have actually been disowned by my parents! My youngest (the golden child) brother lives 2hrs away, and got married behind the parents back! Just so they wouldn't try to buy her off! ( They tried to do that once already) My other brother is in Alaska, and expects me to handle it! My dad SAT there and told me, just between you and me, your mom just came home to die. WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THAT! What am l supposed to do with that? And then insinuate it's my fault?

    I want to be disowned too!


    ps. She is doing better now, she finally called! After she's been back on her meds for 2wks! But lm still ticked about the whole thing! Sorry for the vent!

    I love you all thank you!πŸ’•πŸŒ 

  • Ah ha! You have a golden child too! My older brother can do no wrong. You are there for us and WE love you NO MATTER WHAT! Remember you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. :D

  • jennie62 πŸ˜…πŸ˜… the baby is the golden child because he is the only bio child my mom and dad! 3 step brothers ( disowned) dads side. My bio brother mom's side and the baby . There is a 13 yr difference between him and l. As lm the oldest. πŸ˜…πŸ˜… He still can do no wrong! πŸ’• It kills me!πŸ˜…


  • I know what you mean! My brother is only 2 years older than I am, but he acts like such a (can't use these words here....#*&^%#)

    Love you and all you do for us!


  • Thank you jennie62 🌠

  • Let it out girlfriend! πŸ˜‰

  • I swear, family can be the biggest stresser we got out there. They r all about the drama.

    Just remember - we cant make our parents do what they should (without a court order πŸ˜‰) just like they couldn't when we were teenagers.

    It is ok for you to disown them for awhile 😘😘

  • Midgey_Midge06 l actually have disowned them for awhile πŸ˜… They are just getting up there in age now, so not able to do that anymore.😞 🌠

  • Ya. My mom has alzheimers and my dad is gonna be 90. We have had family drama over it. My sisters r not soeaking to each other and all that crap. I had to just ignore them all cuz it was causing me ms hug pain

    I so feel ur pain πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ’œπŸ’œ

  • Family drama is the worst Midgey_Midge06 and lm so sorry about your mom and dad, 😞 How are they doing? How are you doing? Are you still having the MS hug?


  • They r doing good. The hug comes and goes now which is way way better than it used to be. I am still doing horse therapy. Which i get to do today! So excited 🐎🐎🐎

  • Awww Jes. You are always so full of encouragement for all of us. I'm glad we can be here for you. Listen, so many of us have wacked families that we understand. And you know, since I have been diagnosed I have found myself emotionally overwhelmed where I lash out at people, get a little out of control, and later wish I hadn't. I don't know if it the possible emotional lability of MS or hormone swings of approaching menopause. And it actually doesn't matter which it is. I always have valid reasons for my anger or frustration, which I'm sure you do too. I haven't fully worked through handling it yet, but I do now recognize when I start to feel that tweek, that lack of patience...and basically I pull back from most interactions until I feel its grip release. Could be hours or days. I tell myself: let it pass, now is not the time to deal w this issue, I can deal with it when I feel better. And I'm always able to handle it later w no problem.

    I hope that helps....I'm with ya girl.

  • Thanks Karen-x l can usually do that. Pull away, hide away, or put things away until later. Until as you say the grip let's go. Unfortunately, my mouth doesn't always listen to me.πŸ˜‘ And it's like l just can't stop. My boyfriend used to look at the calendar. Until l threatened his life and started watching Snapped again.πŸ˜•πŸ˜…πŸ˜… He got the point. My middle daughter always says, mom, you have more patience's than anyone l know, until you don't! Then your just scary! πŸ˜…πŸ˜… Yikes.

    I need to be better!🌠

  • That is too funny! I hear ya. You know, I went to my primary (and hubby always attends) to talk about going off my antidepressant. Well, I left there with an INCREASE in my dosage. My hubby talked to him about my times of anger....lol.

  • Sometimes l just scare myself Karen-x πŸ˜…πŸ˜… my head doc put me on Xanax cause l flipped out on my dog😞 for not being able to get me a broom.πŸ˜‘ I mean l flipped!!!! I called him that day, l was so upset! I didn't have a clue what happened πŸ˜΅πŸ˜•πŸ˜…πŸŒ 

  • Jesmcd2 , you always put on a happy face and sometimes we can't continue to act like all is OK when it really is not! I know that "overwhelming" feeling myself lately and I do not like it at all!. I may be out of line, but you only have one mother and she is not always going to be here. If I were you, I would call her and apologize for the argument - not admit any wrong on your part - just apologize while you still have the chance. You don't want to be forever sorry that things ended this way.

  • Hi SueAB no sweetie you are not out of line at all! Because l know your right. My mom isn't going to be around, and l have the sad feeling that she is deciding to give up. And preparing us. And it's terrifying to me. 😞

    I'm sorry that your feeling overwhelmed 😞 What's going on? Don't be like me ughπŸ˜‘ and hold it in. It's not a good thing! Believe me!!!


  • Dearest Jess, there are times when the roof falls in on all of us, you're not alone and please don't forget that. It's okay when you see the roof cracking to step back, take a few days off and simply take care of yourself! We would much rather have you take a few days off than watch you crumble under all the stress. I took time off first of the year and you covered for me. Please, next time, allow me the honor of returning the favor for you. You are part of the backbone of this chat room, a member of our family, and please don't forget how important you are to us. Fancy1959.

  • You Fancy1959 are a true friend! Thank you! I know for sure l get my recharge tomorrow! I get my bubby fix!!! My daughter is bringing him with us to my Neuro appt. πŸ’• A hug from him ALWAYS makes me feel like everything is alright with the world again!!πŸ’•πŸŒ 

  • @Jesmcd2 - I am so sorry you are having all the family drama with your mom. I believe that we all have a certain amount of insanity in our families, yours sounds particularly difficult. That is a really bad place to be, to have others insinuate it is your fault she is in the hospital etc. ... how luxurious for them to blame you. You can consider it a blessing to be out of the health care proxy role. Let them deal with it, it is no longer your problem. A difficult mother is something I can relate to. When they get closer to death, they can actually get very mean, and you will find yourself desperate for her approval and love. Do what you have to do, for your own sanity. Nobody can tell you how to feel, or how to react, just let your gut help you navigate. I chose to be with my mother for 2 solid months, while she died a horrible death. I had forgiven her for her abuse long before she got sick, but I did that for me, and I will never forget. Thank god I have an irish twin, who suffered the same abuses, with me, so we are able to talk honestly about the damage now that we are older, we actually laugh about it now. When she passed, I unfortunately was not only her health care proxy, but the executor of her estate. What a nightmare, two years of solid drama, non-stop. Two months after she passed, I had the worst exacerbation I have ever had. I have never recovered from it completely. I lost the whole left side of my body. Was in PT/OT/Speech/Cognitive therapy for six months after that exacerbation. The stress of all of that drama caught up with me, and it put me down for the count. I worry for you, because you may be in the same situation, and the stress is going to get worse, so you need to step back from it, and be very careful of your health right now. The people around you have no idea how very damaging all the stress is on your body, and its not something you want to have happen. I will be praying for you, and wish you strength and hope you are ok.

  • alliepoirier thank you for your kind words.πŸ’• And l expect no less from my family. Which is unfortunate, but it is what it is. ☺

    As they say though "The Strong Survive" And Lord KNOWS that l survive!


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