Since the door was opened regarding sex

I have been hoping someone else would bring this up, but I guess it'S me! I'm not able to have intercourse anymore, boy this is embarrassing. Does anyone else have this problem or know what I should do? I am only 55, soon to be 56, and this is not how my husband and I planned on things turning out. I am sick of ms stealing things from all of our lives. I am a warrior and keep fighting, but this issue has thrown me! Thanks for any advice,truly appreciate it on this super sensitive issue. Kelly xxx

26 Replies

  • Kelly, I can't help with your concern but I can agree MS is an evil thief 😡

  • Hi Kelly,

    I to have that problem, spasticity is a real problem for me and my mess are nOT working. This is not how I saw these years going me. My husband of 32 yrs & I have been able to find other ways to take çarè of our needs but this isn't how I expected our "empty-nester" days playing out.

  • Hi Kelly,

    Another brave soul ! Sorry to ask but I'm not understanding the reasons behind your issue. Is this a mechanical thing : spasticity, numbness, lubrication, pain ? I do find my muscles more prone to spasm in certain positions - it's impossible to enjoy when muscles are cramping painfully ! I do experience some tightness down there too and sometimes have probs with lubrication ( but then I am 48 now ). I am lucky that I still have feeling. I am often too tired or simply do not get the urge these days. My partner is on meds to control high BP, which has an effect on his ability. So, it is a rare blessing for us if it happens ! We do find alternative ways to please each other when we need to and sometimes a nice massage/ cuddle can be just as intimate : ) x

  • Angeline, once again, very embarrassing, but if I can't tell my ms sisters, who can I tell? It's like my muscles have closed shut, like Aladdin's cave! Maybe we should try "open sesame". But seriously it is very frustrating, and I can't imagine I'm the only one with this problem. We are creative, but sex again would be great. Kelly xxx

  • Angelite, sorry my computer spelled your name wrong. Smiles. Kelly

  • No worries - I answer to most names : ))

    I am thinking this is maybe a spasticity type issue ? Seems like most muscles in our bodies are fair game for being affected - sigh. I am going to have a search round some websites to see if I can find anything relevant/useful. Do you feel able to ask your doctor about this ? Maybe hubby could accompany you for support ? x

  • Angelite, thank you so much, what a sweetie you are. I really appreciate any info. Talk to you soon. Kelly xxx

  • Hi Kelly,

    Does this sound anything like what happens to you ? I wonder if it is triggered by other kinds of attempted penetration ( tampon, gynae exam etc ? ) or if it can relax between attempts ( I guess you'd have to sneak up in stealth mode to test this out ! ) x

  • angelite i was about to suggest Kelly search the same. vaginismus reliable causes, treatments may be helpful.

  • I had no idea this problem existed, Erash, so it has been educational for me. I do hope anyone experiencing any kind of sexual dysfunction is able to bypass any embarrassment they might feel and seek help. x

  • I've encountered it when trying to do Paps on some women (w/o MS). I've had to use a pediatric speculum and a few times had them pre-medicate with Valium.

    They just needed a designated driver for the appointment 😊

  • Kelly - I can relate. I have the problem with my muscles closing down there. I also have the problem of getting cramps in my legs no matter the position in addition to vaginal dryness. I haven't found a reliable solution yet. Unfortunately my husband also has issues because of the blood pressure and diabetic medicine he is on. Because of these issues it is a rare occassion when intercourse happens. We have found other ways to pleasure each other that help but I do miss intercourse. I am 53 so too young for this. Though I have been going through menopause for about 10 yrs now. I miss my active sex life. Cuddling is great but nothing beats a good romp between the sheets. LOL. Sorry if that was too crude!

    I am going to a new doctor this week and plan on asking about that as long as I remember and/or don't forget the note I wrote myself!


  • Jacqui, thanks for the support. I am so sorry I haven't called yet. I've been in bed a lot. But will call soon, can't wait to get together! Love, Kelly xx

  • Kelly - It's ok, I completely understand. With the MS and the holidays things are probably pretty hectic and busy for you. I know they have been for me and I have been working overtime which has made my MS worse. Call when you are able. I hope you get to feeling better so you don't have to spend as much time in bed.


  • I wonder if a muscle relaxer would help? I take Flexeril right now until I see my new neurologist next week. The down side is it effects feeling by making muscles too relaxed but it might be better then what you have now.

    I had a post about sex myself not long ago. I struggle more with feeling worn out and tired and downright sick feeling by the end of the day/night. So I'm just not in the mood. My husband doesn't really understand and it makes me feel guilty. Someone pointed out about the Flexeril in my post, making my sex organs too relaxed, so I don't take it before I know we are going to be having intercourse now and that helps (I don't have your clenched muscles problem in that area, that happens in my thigh muscles and calf).

    Hang in there. It's totally unfair and I'm not a fan of the unpredictabile. Never knowing where MS will strike. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor. Maybe start with your GYN. We shouldn't have to loose our sex life on top of everything else.

  • Same problem. My husband had it from age 40. I've been widowed almost 6 6 years. widowed 6 years soon. Wonder if there is a way to meet people with the same problem.....or just lack of desire.

    Two way sex is out, but oral sex bestowed on one and massage or backscratchers bestowed on the other might be workable.

  • Well, the reason varies a lot including the subject, not only us are the main problem or should assume that. Even before the menopause women can be dry easy and we are much more tired(fatigue is the highest symptom) than before and taking some medication including anti depressive and pain med which cause not be in the mood like before. Most the time womem are more in the mood during the day, early, not at sleep time as men style, when I say to my husband I am not his sleep pill. If he wants something its better happens when I still have energy during the day. And I use lubricant all the time, more natural formula available. And we have to remember that men have much more ED even young age and other problems like high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and much more which already cause to them disfunction which can not be blame on us by excuse of not sex like dryness, etc. When is not in relax mood in both sides than nothing is going to happen anyway, not only muscle contraction, etc. Men have more sex disfuction than women, but they blame to us and we somatize all above situations. I am not in the female cause, but we the girl should give a little bit more massage therapy play to the partner for better blood flow and suggest treatment for them as well. It is not our fault.

  • Topical estrogen (intravaginal) is fairly safe for dryness. Other things to consider are Crisco and Coconut oil. Be careful of allergies. Astroglide is a better lube than K-Y. Replens vag suppository OTC gives moisture but messy.

    I did MUCH of our office's well women visits and am a certified Menopause practitioner thru NAMs

  • Baclofen is a good often used muscle relaxer, r u in a state where cannabis is legal? CBD works for my Trigeminal Neuralgia, maybe it will loosen must;es, Lots & lots & Lots of foreplay,( something u women never complain about:-) I really do not think booze is an answer. Perhaps a long deep talk with the other participant. Hope this helped spmewhere, it is 6am and I tend to ramble & only reD HALF z msg....Have a good un mate, Royce

  • Amore55, it's Fancy1959. My husband of 30 years and i have not been physically intimate in close to 3 years. I went thru menopause early in my mid 40's and for me, now just over a decade later, changed my sexual identity forever. My sex drive disappeared, my sense of feeling sensation and joy disappeared, my bodys' ability to produce natural lubricant disappeared, and finally my body's ability to allow the pelvic floor muscles to relax and allow intimacy to occur pain free has disappered.

    As aways, you need to speak to your doctor to get on a plan to fix your lack of intimacy problems. If your doctor does not or will not tackle your lack of intimacy problem, find a doctor who will. Believe it or not, it is my Urologist who is the Doctor who is taking steps to bring my joy of intimacy back. Who would have figured? I am now on Baclofen to relax the pelvic floor muscles. I am on a local hormone cream to help increase my sex drive and to bring natural moisture back. This is a new doctor for me and the regime he's mapped out for me is relatively new so i have to give it a chance to work.

    I have done a bit of research on the topic and it seems if you suffer from incontinence or other bladder issues caused by MS you are extremely likely to experience intimacy issues. This is always an extremely tough topic to discuss openly and I applaud everyone who has come forth. You cannot solve problems unless you know they exist and are not alone and suffering in silence. Remember together we can find a cure for this terrible monster. And together we are stronger!

  • Thank you for your food-for-thought ... I'm going to have my hubby read what you wrote. Very helpful ~ Mary (newbie to this community as of today)

  • Hi MaryBee58 and welcome to the MSAA Community! Hope you didn't think you could slip by.☺ I'm so glad that you liked this thread. We have many informative ones, if your looking for one in particular, just type it in the search box at the to. Or start a new conversation about it☺.

    I hope you find us a friendly and informative bunch on here, but most of all Always Supportive! We are all in the same boat after all 😊


    ~Helpful Hint~ If put an @ in front of person of who your addressing, they will be notified. IE @ jesmcd2 *With No Spaces*

  • I do not have any advice to add to what has already been given, but I want you to know that I appreciate your asking and I read the responses with interest. It is so nice to have a site like this as a resource.

  • Men have problems too. ED is common with MS. My neurologist prescribed an anti anxiety medicine. It did not help. Heart Dr said viagra ok (had heart operation 4 years ago) but at $60 per pill it is very expensive. A sextherapist we saw at a seminar suggested manual stimulation. It works but it is not the same. My wife is not overly worried as she has female problems of her own.

  • Hi Robert,

    Your frankness is appreciated. I had no idea my partner had a problem for a while - I was only aware that he seemed to have lost interest in initiating and avoided my advances. This led me to think that he no longer cared for me, found me attractive or had possibly found another lover ! So, it was actually rather a relief when he was courageous enough to tell me about the physical problem ! I'm naturally very chilled so this has never phased me and I'm happy to support him in any treatments he feels he would like to try and equally happy to work around the problem without treatment. Viagra, Cialis and Levitra have not proved sufficient. There are many options these days - talk of possible injections at his last doctor's appointment. It depends on the causes, cost and what you are personally comfortable with ( some could be considered quite extreme ) We remain just as close and cuddly as we have always been : ) x

  • Ask your doctors about this issue! I use an Rx Estrace Cream, expensive, but keeps things working better down there. Supposedly fewer bladder infections, more flexibility and lubrication. Lubrication can also be bought OTC for feminine use like Replens.

    On my last visit with my Neuro (2 days ago), I asked for a change from Cymbalta to an antidepressant that did not cause sexual dysfunction. I am 73, husband 78 and wanted the ability to enjoy this piece of life while I can, and he can. My diagnosis was made about 2 years ago, but my Neuro (a handsome man, about 35 yrs. old) very thoughtfully agreed to my request. He had previously been determined that I would stay on Cymbalta! I am now trying samples of Brintellix, which is a brand name, and thus will be $$$, but am giving it a try. I get a health letter "HealthAfter50" which had an article on The ABCs of Antidepressants, and it said that Serotonin modulators tend to be sedating, (which I can use), but they don't cause sexual dysfunction like other classes. Had "explosive fireworks" in August on vacation, after weaning myself off of Cymbalta temporarily, so looking forward, with great anticipation to more in the next couple of days!!! Don't be ashamed, afraid, or too embarrassed to explore any and all avenues to overcome this issue! I told my Neuro that my age and fatigue had taken most everything else of things I can enjoy in life, but while it's still possible, I would like to enjoy this while we can. This is our only trip through this life. ( I believe in a better life, when this one is over, through Jesus Christ.) Do what you can, where you can, with what you can! Don't ever give up!!! Life down here ain't over till it's over, ladies!!!

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