Do you ever play the MS card excuse?

I'm fortunate in that my symptoms are not always evident. And mostly, I don't share my diagnosis with co-workers. Too much stigma. But there are times I do use my MS as a reason for not being able to do something. It's a legitimate a cause for my difficulty with travel, or long work days, or fine motor lack of speed on the computer. But I feel like I am playing the MS card as an excuse and I feel guilty and shame and weak and wonder if I should just push through the task. I wonder if I'm conveniently copping out. Do others share these feelings?

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12 Replies

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  • Erash, i wanted to say hello and welcome you to this site. I am Fancy1959. If you can take only one thing away from this forum, i hope you understand that you are NOT WEAK! When I was still working full-time and newly diagnosed, I had no choice but to hide the fact that I had MS. So, many times I, too, pushed through the many difficulties that the MS baggage train leaves behind. Do not be ashamed that MS brings with it a new reality to your life. You did not choose to get MS, MS chose you! Listen to your body and learn to find ways to cope with your MS while still working full time. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed about having MS. If anything you are a true inspiration. Remember information is your friend, so talk to us in this wonderful chatroom, talk to your neurologist, and go to any educational forum and support groups you can find. Welcome new MS Warrior and remember together we are stronger!

  • erash if l didn't joke around about having MS l would lose my mind. It's not an excuse it's a fact of our lives. I forgot everything, and have a tendency to repeat myself 2 or 3 times, ppl tell me l already told them that, l just say stupid MS. I don't apologize for it. It is what it is.

  • I always say I wasn't listening to myself and I often wonder why other listen to me when I don't. LoL

  • thank you so much for this...i'm printing and tacking to my bulletin board

  • I only use it to get out of family functions with the in-laws!! SHHHHHH!!!!!

    I'm sure that will bite me in the butt one day. LOL

  • LOL...

  • I think there is a big difference in pushing through and skipping out. I agree with what Fancy1959 said. I am new to this as well, & all our symptoms are different. I have to remind myself that I am doing the best I can, and I can only compare me to me, no one else because that would not be a level playing field. Also, I have to remind myself of the negatives if I push through, depending on how hard I push at work or certain activities that decreases my energy and likely will bite me in the but the next day, or two after with fatigue. I do the best I can, conserve energy when I can, but I also need flexibility to survive my work life. I have an accommodation to work flex hours, so that I can rest when my body requires it.

    I'm also dealing with the fact that I'm not able to do what I once was able to, or burn the candle at both ends. I'm still grieving the loss of old me, but still see glimmers of her here & there when there are skills & abilities I have not lost.

    My montras are "perseverance not perfection" & "keep moving forward"

    Best wishes to you, DeeAma

  • Erash, I was diagnosed March 2015, but we aren't sure how long I've had ms. I was the type of person before this all hit me to push through everything, push through pain push through lack of sleep, push through stress. I worked 12 hour days 6 days a week while 9 months pregnant with my son and took care of my 1 year old daughter at the same time (unfortunately my kids' father is a piece of crap and didn't have a problem with me doing it all while he did nothing, that's why he's my ex husband!) Anyway, sorry I ramble some times lol. As a single mom I had no choice but to work, a lot but still do it all for my beautiful kids, work 2 jobs both basically full time hours. I never wondered why I was so tired everyday. I worked through severe back pain (from an accident in 05) and kept telling Dr's I couldn't have surgery. When I fell in 2011 I no longer had the choice but to have the surgery on my back. Well that's when it all went to hell. I started having numbness on my left foot. It was passed off as nerve damage in my back. When it reached my arm and then my face and I wasn't working as much and still so exhausted no matter how much sleep I got. My Dr finally referred me to a neurologist and after all the testing in the world it seemed I was diagnosed. I have learned that saying I can't do something or go somewhere is not "using the ms card" we can't do a lot of what others can do. We pay a higher cost if we do push too much. I was pushing myself so hard and so much after I was diagnosed, my Dr said I pushed way past my limit. I was working 2 jobs still and I pushed myself to being very sick. I had to stop working I got bad so fast. Don't feel if you say you can't that it's just an excuse, it's not, it's the truth and you want to stay healthy longer so you can do even some stuff! I'm so limited to what I can do now without paying a higher price than so many others it's ridiculous! I did that part to myself, but I sure didn't ask for it or ask for this ms life I have now. Good luck, and stay safe!

  • Thank you so much for your story and words of wisdom. For me its not can't do but concern or fear that if I do I will have repercussions. Fear is disabling. I worry it's a slippery slope. Wishing wellness to you!

  • I share your feeling of copping out. But I'm right there with you my fine motor skills are affected. People wouldn't know I have MS by looking at me. But after my symptoms started and my diagnosis two years ago. And I was diagnosed quickly, I was blessed. My typing skill deminished it went to two fingers. So things take me much longer. But there are a few people that I trust at work and they have help me adjust to my new normal. They watch out for me. Their true friends.

    I have a question for you. I have a wreck yesterday and totaled my car no one was hurt thank God. I would have sworn the light was green but whitness said it was red. So I apologized profusely but I still keep going over it in my head and see it as green. I saw her coming and said she's running the red light. She's going to hit me. This is the first wreck I've ever had and I'm 46 years old. I have RRMS I'm scared this could have something to do with the accident am I being silly?

  • Wow Pbargal so glad no one was hurt. Of course I can't say whether that was related to MS for you but I can share that I have also made errors in driving like stopping beyond the Railroad bars when a train was coming. I think it has to do with MS and information processing problems. If there's too much stimuli coming in my brain gets muddled and causes errors in judgement. For awhile, I didn't use my phone at all, even the hands free aspect, while driving. This is tough because of the nature of my work. Your story is a reminder to me that perhaps I need to return to that no other distractions while driving rule. Again, so glad you are ok!

  • Thanks erash I agree. Please do consider the no distractions while driving. My husband has band me from all phone calls hands free or not while driving. Thanks so much for your take on things it helped more than you know.

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