Help and some advice

[Pikedale221]

I'd like to go back a month and 23 days which is a few days before all this happened my main theme as an adult is hocd... I remember how confident I was how happy I was what it felt like to be me... Now my sex drive is gone the thoughts get so twisted up I feel like I'm floating from one day to the next.... My family and girlfriend says not to worry or do anything stupid cuz I'll be the same person I was before the spell it's hard... Logically I know I'm not gay but the disinterest I have in what used to bring me joy is scary... I'm worried I'll never be myself again I know it's stupid but I wish I could just wake up and feel how I did before

[deValentin]

HOCD is an irrepressible need to conclude in a domain that’s important to you (whether you're gay or not) + inability to conclude because you need absolute certainty to do it. So, no wonder that issue is occupying your thoughts and you lost interest in everything else.

In order to arrive to some form of conclusion, you need to look objectively at all the possibilities. What are the possibilities? That issue may never cease to torment you. You may never be your old self again. Or, on the positive side, the dissonance between your intellect and your affect may end, and not only logically but also emotionally you'll know you're not gay. You'll feel as you felt before. I guess it's what you wish.

It's important you open your mind to the possibility that no matter how long you debate the issue, you may never be absolutely certain of your sexual orientation. Based on evidence and common sense, you can find good reasons to settle the issue one way or the other. That's all. There are no absolute certainties in this life. Once you open your mind to the possibility you may never solve with absolute certainty the problem that's presently tormenting your mind, then the need to solve it may not be as strong. You may be able to focus on other topics. You may get used to a reasonable degree of certainty, and you may renew with the same person you were before the spell. It's at least what I wish for you.

[Pikedale221 in reply to deValentin]

What doesn't make sense is I was happy in my normal can OCD randomly hit and twist you up this bad

[deValentin in reply to Pikedale221]

OCD is self-feeding. Once you give it a finger it will take the whole hand. Be aware of slippery slopes like debating an issue in your head instead of doing objectively more important work or carrying out more fulfilling activities.

[IStillHaveHope]

Hello. I'm sorry you're having trouble right now. I really am. When I was younger one of my topics was HOCD. I used to be concerned that I was attracted to my male friends and was looking at them sexually. Sexuality may be mostly biological, but I do think there is some choice involved. Knowing that helped me a bit. Remember that you are not your thoughts. They come and go. We can only choose how we react to them. People with OCD tend to ruminate a lot. We try to "figure out" the problem. We think if we can solve it, it will go away. I'm my experience this isn't true and another thought will just replace it. We need to learn to just "be" with the thought. It will scream and shout and tell you your making a huge mistake. It will tell you all sorts of nasty horrible things. I've found though that there is a smaller voice. One that says, "I know what the truth is. This whole thing is silly.". I've tried to listen to this small voice. It was hard at first. The OCD screamed at how important this thought was and that it needed to be solved immediately. However, over time, it got quieter and the small voice got louder.

OCD can go dormant too, sometimes for years, and then some life event will set it back. Remember however, you can never go back to 0. It may feel like you're close sometimes, but all the skills and techniques you've learned won't be unlearned. You know you can get better because you've been there. Life is full of setbacks, and I'm sorry if you're having one right now. My heart goes out to you. The good news is that there are people who want to (and can) help. All you need to do is ask.

I don't know if this helped, but I really hope you find the peace you deserve my friend. May God bless you.

[Pikedale221 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Can I ask you something?

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Pikedale221]

Feel free.

[Pikedale221 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

It's got me so twisted up that sometimes f the thoughts feel like "I realized I'm gay" but when I think back before this I never was had a healthy sex life with my girlfriend was confident I was happy .... Is it possible to distort reality like that?... Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy my girlfriend and family help as well I wanna be myself again and it feels like I'll never feel like I did before

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Pikedale221]

Yes OCD can twist you all around like that. It was originally call the doubting disease after all. It can cause people to doubt themselves, others, their sanity, or even reality itself. That's why it's so insidious. I used to think that "maybe" what I had wasn't really OCD, but something else entirely. The disease caused me to doubt if what I had was really the disease However, I found out that this is in fact very common for people with OCD. Some of the best advice I got was to "live your values". The OCD thoughts will be there regardless so move towards what you value, not the OCD.

Another important thing to do is get treatment. If you haven't I would talk to a doctor (or psychiatrist since they are better capable of handling this IMO). Things changed for me when I was just honest with my doctor. He prescribed some medicine and I asked him to refer me to a therapist. It wasn't easy, and took a lot of time, but I am in a much better place than I was. I know that OCD has got you all spun around, and I know how desperate and hard that can be, but you will get past this (and be stronger for it too). I really hope you find the peace you deserve soon my friend.

[Pikedale221 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

The scary part to me is that I've went thru this a few times now and when I was 23 my whole family and girlfriend told me don't worry you'll be your normal self again exactly how you were cuz that's who you are that's the real you ... Why can't we see it like the people around us can?

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Pikedale221]

It's the OCD creating doubt in us and the difference between us and people who don't have OCD What helped me a lot with this issues was learning to identify between the OCD-thought and the "real"-thought. It was difficult in the beginning but I got better with time. I think that's why a lot of us refer to our OCD as an "other". It helps us know that it isn't really us, just some chemicals in our brains that are making us attribute meaning to what is essentially meaningless. You are not your thoughts, but your choices. That is why we should consistently choose what we value.

[Pikedale221 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Have you had times with no intrusive obsessive thoughts between 15 23 and now I was myself and sometimes I worry that since it's not constant thoughts or jumping themes that it's not OCD and it means something

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Pikedale221]

Oh yes. For me it was about 13-22 and then from 30-40. OCD tends to wax and wain over years. What you're experiencing is very very typical for OCD suffers. I would also argue, that one of your themes is worrying about if you have OCD or not

One thing I realized once I started getting treatment was that a lot of what I thought was a "standard-worry" was just another OCD thought. I began to realize that the times when I at my best, the OCD was still there. I just didn't realize it, or call it that.

[Pikedale221 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

So really we end up going back to how we were before the spell it just takes time?

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Pikedale221]

I have found that to be true in my experience. There's actually a story I heard a while ago that I like that explains this.

One day I went walking down the street. I fell in a hole and it took me a long time to get out. A few days later I was walking down the street and fell in again. It took me less time to get out this time because of what I learned the first time. A few days after that I walked down that street and was able to step around the hole, though it was difficult. A few days after that I found a new street with no hole and now walk that.

We grow in understanding though our experience. The beginning is always the hardest.

[FirstResponder23]

hey, I know exactly how you feel. Exactly what you’re saying with the wanting to feel good like we did before is 100% how I feel. I also feel like I’m just drifting through the day and grinding it out until I can get to sleep and have some relaxation. And then when I wake up in the morning I am overrun with anxiety, shaking, sadness… so I know how you’re feeling and you’re not alone. I do want to offer this piece of advice. And I can say it, but I still struggle with it as well because ocd is strong when we hold on. We can’t look back at how we used to feel good, or wish we felt that way. Wishing is a compulsion. And the more we wish for that, the more stuck we get in ocd’s trap.

I know it’s really hard, but letting ocd know “okay, yeah, I may be feeling crumby, but that will not dictate my day.” Again, I know so much easier said than done. I am still struggling to do this effectively. I am letting the emotional part get to me a lot and I am trying to find a way to break that cycle.

[Pikedale221 in reply to FirstResponder23]

It's just so stupid... When I went thru this at 23 I worried about the same crap and when it passed I was the same felt the same glued to my girlfriend like white on rice... I really struggle with how everyone around can see that I'll feel normal again but I can't see it right now .... Do you think it's cuz we're the ones that are in our heads?

[FirstResponder23 in reply to Pikedale221]

I believe it’s because we are so focused on trying to feel a certain way when that’s not what we are supposed to do. Even though it feels automatic, we are not supposed to observe how we are feeling and supposed to go through the day as if it was any other, regardless of how we feel.

[Coffeelove4444 in reply to FirstResponder23]

I totally get what you are saying. Grinding through the day is a good description.

[Natureloverpeace]

Sexual orientation or gender identity themed OCD is a common OCD theme. OCD can attack anything a person values. It helps to look at the process of OCD instead of focusing on the content. Focusing on the content is missing the forest for the trees. Learning about the process of OCD, how it operates, helps us in learning how to beat OCD no matter what its outward appearance or theme is. OCD is OCD, it doesn’t have different diagnostic categories. You can learn more about OCD at iocdf.org.