to preface: I’m a therapist and I have OCD so I KNOW I’m having a rough few weeks of OCD and this can change but I’m also losing my ever loving mind.
I can’t focus on anything that I typically do to unwind and recharge because I’m having persistent intrusive thoughts that I’m going crazy or losing my mind. Even though I can recognize it as a symptom, I’m so worried that I’m honestly not sure if it’s just a worry anymore. Like, I’m going insane and no one can see it and then it’ll be too late.
It sounds like you’re going down the rabbit hole of OCD “what if” thinking. As you know, it’s one of OCD’s tactics. It may say this could be real, what if it’s real, and then before long we have jumped to the worst case scenario. As you know, OCD is OCD, it uses the same game playbook no matter the theme. What would you tell a client if they presented to you with this situation? If you want your question answered by an OCD Specialist anonymously, you can submit it anonymously ahead of time or live in the Ask the Expert livestream. If you’re not familiar with it, you can learn more about it at iocdf.org. Click on Recovery and Support, then click on Livestreams. It’s hosted by Liz McIngvale and Chris Trondsen who are OCD Specialists.
Do you believe that the mind self-regulates if you create the right conditions for it to self-regulate? However, by wanting too much your mind to regulate itself, by worrying too much about it, you prevent it from regulating itself. As a therapist, you probably heard of the pink elephant paradox: the more one tries to suppress a thought, the more it persists.
You also probably heard of the expression "the best is the enemy of the good". For instance, people who are obsessed about their health and stressed about it are doing to their health more harm than good. And people really going 'mad' don't have enough insights to know they're going 'mad'.
As a therapist, you probably realized over the years that people engage in self-destructive behaviors to feel better. Excessive gambling, drug use, procrastination, etc. are a short-term mood repair. You feel better at first, you think it's good for you, then the effect on the mood wears off, negative consequences catch up with you, and you think it wasn't such a great idea after all. However, when one starts a dependency, it's hard to break it.
Now, it looks like you're experiencing an obsessional fear of losing your mind. If you worry ceaselessly about that possibility and seek excessive reassurance, you may find some short-term relief. So, you may think you're on the right path. It's time then to think long term. What would happen when the feeling of relief wanes and you're faced with the negative consequences of your rumination?
If you stop ruminating about the fear of losing your mind and start to engage in OCD-free activities, the hope that that will benefit you in the long run will help you tolerate the temporary discomfort that response prevention will cause you. I know, it's not always easy, it takes a little bit of faith in yourself. However, good experiences will bolster that faith. I'm sure you saw that happening in many clients. If you start to experience small successes, it'll become easier to believe it could happen to you too.
Thanks for the responses - sometimes it's just nice to write my "crazy" thought down and share it so I can see that it's not as powerful or awful as I thought. I'm in the process of getting more support to handle the increase in my OCD severity so I'm hopeful I can pull out of this awful mindset.
Good luck. Never give up. You can do this.
Hi Senneca,
I’m really sorry you are having rough times. It seems to me like you are really in a severe OCD episode. Although this is reassurance I will tell you, you are not going crazy and it’s just your very “inflame” OCD brain playing tricks on you. Are you taking any medication? I understand you are a therapist but sometimes you just need some help from outside.
I am taking medication, but I moved up my next appt with my psych to Monday so I can talk about something else that might help. You are right, I need a boost on this one!
You probably know already but OCD requires higher doses on antidepressants. I had to double my NSRIs and add antipsychotic to calm my OCD brain. I honestly will do whatever it takes. I feel disappointed when I have to increase the doses but I also don't want to deal with this bs, I just want a normal life. Wishing you good luck and hopefully you will find your solution sooner than later
I’ve been dealing with a severe episode of ocd/depression for a year. I’ve been doing exposure therapy which is painful and exhausting but it’s working. But my thoughts were still racing and my body was in pain. I needed something external to help calm the physical part of panic/franticness (medication has not worked for me). My therapist and I talked about acupuncture , I had my first session last night and feel so much calmer and clearer. I’m still dealing with my stuff and still working through the disorders but I finally have some relief, a little bit of calm and balance and I can communicate with myself better. Maybe look into a quality acupuncturist and give it a try.
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