Feeling a bit stuck

[Nicolemichaela7]

I have been experiencing OCD to an extent for my whole life. From a very young age I can recall just many times in which I thought my behaviour was normal but it was really just a reflection of my OCD. Certain things have gotten better since my diagnosis and brief therapy sessions. I no longer fear sexual or violent intrusive thoughts, I no longer believe I will hurt someone else or myself or that I am a danger to others. I can laugh these thoughts things off. However I just can’t shake it. Once I get over one thing another thing pops up. Obsession about loved ones dying, fear or becoming seriously ill, fear of losing my mind, over aware of physical and cognitive symptoms, over aware of emotions and feelings and feelinf the need to analyse everything that pops into my head, and over responsible for other peoples safety and wellness. I feel stuck. I can’t afford therapy, the NHS waiting list is endless. I genuinely feel a bit numb from it, my brain feels like it’s messy and full of crap and honestly as if it will never be able to function normally. It’s so hard to remember the good days among a string of particularly bad ones. It was hard enough as a teenager, I turn 21 next month. I came back here and found a post from when I was 17. It feels as though these irrational anxieties shouldn’t be coming into my adult years with me but it’s a chronic condition. I genuinely just find that hard to accept. How will I function as a independent adult, a mother, a full time worker? There is not a day that goes by when I am 100% free of ocd and anxiety. Has anyone been freed from this? What can I do? I am okay, I just need a bit of support and motivation and honestly an opportunity to vent.

[deValentin]

If I understand correctly, you undertook a therapy, overcame your disorder, and thought it would be gone once and for all. I guess you were mistaken, as you realized later on. Maintenance work is required because if you set goals, it’s good for morale, and if morale is good, it’s easier to cope with adversity. On the other hand, if, for instance, you start to procrastinate, problems accumulate in your life, pressure to be reasonable builds up, and because mood is degraded, desire to be reasonable is lost, and you feel stuck. High stress and low morale are fertile ground for intrusive thoughts. When reasonable intentions are worn out, personal vulnerabilities start to show up, whether is overeating, addiction, overthinking, excessive worrying, inflated responsibility, etc. To give in to a compulsion doesn’t take any effort (what takes an effort is to resist them) and who knows? they may bring you the relief you’re desperately seeking. It’s deceiving though because in the end, it’s only feeding a senseless loop. It’s why I find that Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) complements Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) because recovery is also finding fulfillment in values-based living.

In summary, if I have an OCD vulnerability (sensitive conscience) and start to do what a person with OCD would do, what’s going to stop me? Nothing. Whereas if I start making sensible choices in my life, I need to keep making them regularly in order to keep the ball rolling. But it's an enjoyable effort. It's my experience at least.

[Mcfly64]

Hi. Is there any way you can get some type of assistance to afford therapy? Have you spoken to your doctor about this?