Help!! Strange symptoms.

[Milliewaterlilly]

Dear community, I wanted to share something that I'm currently experiencing to see if anyone can relate or tell me more about this very uncomfortable symptom I'm experiencing. I feel very alone in this :(( Back in 2020-2021 I lived many traumatic situations and major life changes that led me to a mixed state of anxiety and depression from which I mostly recovered. I also had dissociation symptoms and I also started to experience, for the first time, an hyper-awareness of my own experience of the "self". But not in a meditative or peaceful way - observing my thoughts without judgement. It's quite the opposite: like a part of me is totally involved and fixated in the inner and sensoriomotor perception of the self (for instance, but not exclusively, paying excessive attention to breathing). I believe that merely "being" should be an automatic process. It's a very disturbing and draining experience. I just want to be present and have a normal perception of my life experience like before those traumas.

Can anyone relate? How did you fix that?

[avoidingthebadthings]

I'm so sorry you are going through that. I have been there myself, and it is absolutely agonizing to be that hyper-aware and ultra-self-conscious. I felt that way every day until I finally went on meds for anxiety/depression/OCD/PTSD at age 26. It was a matter of dialing back my down nervous system which was in overdrive and always hyper-alert. It was a relief when I finally wasn't worried about how to breathe or if I was breathing or overwhelmed by the sound of my heart beating or how my eyes were blinking.

It sounds like you've been through hell in the past few years, so your body and mind are ramped up in an agonizing state of "fight or flight or freeze" response. I would talk to your med doc about temporarily upping your anxiety medication. You can always try to lower the dosage again when more time has passed. Otherwise, this extreme anxiety is taking so much energy to sustain, and your health will suffer.

Also I was unable to "relax" and do any sort of mindfulness meditation or yogic breathing before getting the med situation fixed. Trying to "focus on the self" just made everything worse. So give yourself a break and don't put any pressure on yourself to do anything that triggers your mind into even greater self-examination.

[NobodyInParticular-]

Yeah, I had this for a while not too long ago, almost like you're viewing yourself like a first-person videogame or a tv show. For me, meds worked best, and if that's accessible for you, I highly recommend it. But, if you don't happen to have that option, music and aroma therapy are very helpful. The kind of music and scent does matter, and I wouldn't listen to anything too provocative (unless that works for you) or use any scents that might evoke traumatic memories. On top of that, tactile sensations are also great for getting your mind off things, like holding ice cubes for as long as you can or having a rubber band on your wrist. I wish you well, and I hope this helps!