Hi! My username is Black_Rabbit, but you can call me Cole. I will be talking about my (suspected) obsessions and compulsions, so if you don’t wanna read that, scroll away when you see bold text. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with OCD, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve had it since high school. I’m in university now. Anyways, it’s nice to meet everyone! I’ll be active on here when I’m not busy.
Trigger Warning! Mentions of contamination and magical thinking related obsessions/compulsions.
In sophomore year, I got really into psychology (I’m autistic, too. And I have been diagnosed with that), so naturally I asked for a copy of the DSM-5 for Christmas, which I carried around in my bag. Ironically, I didn’t think I had OCD. What my brain fixated on instead was the inevitable fate that I was going to develop schizophrenia, for some reason.
Women (& AFAB people) who are prone to schizophrenia usually develop it in their early 20s + I was assigned female at birth (trans dude, just didn’t know it yet) = I am, without a doubt, going to develop schizophrenia when I turn 21. I was ~16 at the time? Since then, I stressed for years over my 21st birthday, because when the day came, I would suddenly “lose my mind.” I don’t remember avoiding 21 or any related numbers, but thinking about that birthday specifically made me really anxious. Spoiler alert: I’m 21 now, the only thing I probably have is OCD lmao.
Also, I worry about developing certain illnesses, spreading sickness to people, and allergies. I’m not allergic to anything myself, but when I’m in public and eating something with an common allergen in it (peanuts, almonds, etc). then I fixate on how I’m eating it, “I can’t touch the inside of the wrapper or the actual food at all. If I leave any crumbs then someone with that allergy could touch it, then have an anaphylactic reaction.” When I’m done eating, I wash my hands, but before I do that, I keep track of every single thing my hands have come into contact with once I started eating. It’s a pain.
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