Something I’ve noticed on my journey with OCD is how binary my thinking is when the disorder is in control. OCD loves to present this black and white view of “safe” and “unsafe” that makes me feel that everything is an emergency and I must follow its’ rules if I’m going to keep myself and everyone I love happy and healthy. Going outside is too risky, but being at home is safe. Not washing my hands is dangerous, but washing them is safe. Moving on from a thought is risky, but rumination is safe. The list goes on and OCD shrinks my world until I’m doing nothing, but sitting at home doing compulsions all day long because those are the only things that are “safe”.I end up isolated and exhausted because I’m constantly scanning for danger and living my life in a way that brings the least amount of exposure to danger possible. There’s no room for anything else, including joy.
What I’ve learned through therapy is that the reality of life is much more nuanced than OCD would have me believe. There is risk in everything. Some small and some large, but risk is an inherent part of living. Even sitting at home like OCD tells me to carries some risk. When I was able to understand and accept that risk is present in everything I do, I found it easier to stop listening to OCD. It became easier to stop assessing every single thought and action for danger and to start living my life based on my values. The risk doesn’t go away, but compulsions don’t make it go away either. The difference is now I can enjoy life versus fearing it and I trust myself to handle any danger that may come my way because I’m not living in a state of constant hyper-arousal.
What do you think? Are you willing to take some risks today?