I've read and heard many experts talk about how ERP can help you by showing your brain that the thing you feared doesn't come true when you resist your compulsions. My problem with that is that my fear (a "real event") isn't and really can't be disproven. I may have harmed people, if I did I don't know how many, I don't know who, and I have no way of figuring it out! And even if I did have all that information, I still couldn't be certain. My mind would still say, "Well, maybe they'll develop some health problem later that the doctors can't detect now!"
So when I sit with my uncertainty and anxiety, my mind doesn't get to see that the fear was irrational because the "bad thing" didn't happen.
I'm curious if this matters. Will ERP not be as effective? Is there something else I should do or some other way of thinking about this?
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Just recently viewed a livestream at IOCDF.org/peaceofmind/ speaking to "the gold standard" of OCD therapy . . . ERP+AU (Accepting Uncertainty). I recommend viewing/listening to the experts discussing this approach
As I understand it there are different views on how ERP works. I tend to agree that a lot of it is that the brain learns that a person can forego compulsions without the feared consequence occurring. However that must not be all of it because in many cases (like yours) there is no conclusion that nothing bad happened, yet the obsession eventually loses its power anyway.
My own current obsession is with a disease that has a long incubation period. When I get the obsession that I've contracted the disease or passed it along to someone else, I know that that possibility can't be disproven for months or even years. But if I resist the compulsions to check, clean, or ruminate about it all day, my anxiety goes away pretty quickly. Often I forget about the supposed "exposure" within minutes or hours. I think this is largely because even though my brain may not have proof that the fear isn't going to come true, it does get the message that I'm not considering it an significant concern.
Unfortunately you don't get the feeling that your obsession is not significant until after you've treated it as such. You have to act like the fear is irrelevant before you feel like it's irrelevant. That is hard, but you've said everyone who knows about this event has told you that it is not worth worrying about and that it is a symptom of your OCD. That is your green light to treat it like a symptom and not a real concern, and eventually you will look back and see that they were right.
A wise person once said to me, “You know what ocd thoughts feel like, so if you’re having them, treat them as such…” Ok, yes, that wise person was you!
It is SO much easier to think of someone else’s ocd theme as not something to worry about. Our own theme seems to consume us so easily that it feels desperate.
The other thing I think of with your struggle is that you could take this thought pattern to the extreme and every action you take in your life could *potentially* hurt someone in some way you’ll never know. This would not be helpful for anyone. Sometimes I have these thoughts and I think about “What if an authority, like the police or a lawyer were tasked with the job of determining my guilt (that I intentionally acted to harm someone directly)? Most likely they would say you couldn’t have known that your action would harm someone and you were acting within reasonable parameters of human experience. Don’t know if this helps, not meaning to encourage reassurance, but with the “unprovable” struggles, it does sometimes help me. Thanks for sharing, and hang in there. I know it’s hard.
It is my understanding that you are not trying to prove that the bad thing didnt happen but to accept the fact that it may have happened (accept the uncertainty) or mayt . So for instance, if you fear that you have hit someone while driving, you must accept the possibility that you may have hit someone without knowing it and do not do the ritual of driving the road again looking for bodies on the side of the road.
Hi there!! As someone who also struggles with real event ocd, disproving them is not the point or the goal. The goal is to sit with the uncertainty, the fact that you may never know. It’s horrible and exhausting, believe me, I know. You are not alone!! ERP is implemented by exposing yourself to the possibility that the feared outcome might happen/have happened , and learning to carry on in spite of it. I wish you all the best in your journey!!
This is a common trap - realistically, whether you are pessimistic or optimistic both are untrue, yet optimism allows for less worry.
Another thing that is not mentioned much is the RAS part of the brain which is where our unconscious focus is placed. This can be consciously reprogrammed, but if we don't reprogram it the same old negative thoughts keep happening.
I made a video about it here, if you are interested?
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