I am new here & hoping to find some support. I began ERP therapy about a month ago and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Every day is a struggle. I am discouraged, sad and anxious all of the time. I barely have an appetite and my sleep is disrupted. I just don’t know if I can keep doing this. However, I know ERP is the gold-standard treatment and that it has an extremely high success rate. I also know that it is common to get worse before it gets better.
Hi melren. i just want to say that i’m all too familiar with where you’re at right now, and I understand how hard it is to be feeling like that all the time. I agree that ERP is very difficult; having to talk about my intrusive thoughts, especially when I’ve hidden and avoided them for years, is really hard to do. If you haven’t already, you should probably tell your therapist how it’s making you feel and ask what you can do to sleep and eat better. I also just started ERP so i don’t know how long it takes before things start to improve, but I think going through the hard part will be worth it in the end, if it means we’ll get to a point where OCD isn’t making life so hard anymore.
I have tentatively started ERP as well and I agree totally it’s not easy but we must never give up. Just keep persevering. Good luck. Support and best wishes 🙏
Hi,My wife has been working on this for some time with her therapist (and me) and yes she also finds it hard. However, looking back we can now see the progress she has made with earlier lower level exposures not causing anxiety (yes they do now and then) and she is able to do higher anxiety exposures now too. These do cause anxiety but being positive these are things she avoided totally before. Some key points:
1. Start with lower anxiety exposures. Especially those that can be done daily. The brain gets bored with repitition.
2. Practise response prevention with both planned and unplanned exposures. The good work done with ERP on planned exposures can be undone by responding to other daily triggers. Not easy but even just delaying or reducing compulsions helps.
3. Recognise and reward successes. Don't focus on failures. See failures as being lessons to learn from not failures!
4. Do ERP with attitude! Watch Reid Wilson's videos on YouTube for info. Treat it as a positive opportunity - not something you have to do (fearfully).
5. There are alot of other good videos worth watching on YouTube which can help. Eg ADAA, Mark DeJesus, OCD & Anxiety, Therapy in a Nutshell and Natasha Daniels.
6. If you're not, try doing exposures with your therapist. Eg my wife's recent sessions have started with the therapist ringing her before her doing some shopping as an exposure which has helped identify issues and provide support.
7. Remember there are ups and downs. On down days focus on your previous successes and remember you're not alone.
Keep it up - focus in your end goal - what is motivating you to work on getting better. It takes time
Thank you so very much for your kind response! Due to life events, we unfortunately had to skip to the very top of my hierarchy first. But as we have all come to know, you can’t control life. Your advice is so appreciated & it is so endearing to see what a supportive source you are for your wife. This is a new experience for my boyfriend and he does everything in his power to support me, but ERP is a hard thing for an outsider to understand. I hope one day he can be as knowledgeable as you are.
Hi Melren, I won't deny it - it's not been easy and there's been plenty of bad days. If he is able to read about it and watch some videos too that helps understand. As a non sufferer it can be hard (and very frustrating) to understand why a partner can't use logic to dismiss thoughts and obsessions but if you could there wouldn't be a problem. And trying to do so when exposed only makes it worse in the long run - reassurance.
Space can help both of you (I've had to go for a walk on many occasions) but this hasn't always been easy over the past few years. I've also sat in on therapy sessions which can help understanding (and what he can do to help) but obviously this is a personal decision.
Hi Melren! I haven't tried ERP, mainly because so far the medications work their magic on me but I do know how intense and occupying OCD can be. When I am in a full OCD episode, just like you I can barely eat anything and the sleep is just a mirage. I'm here to tell you that we are very resilient people. You will be surprised by how much you can handle. Even if you think you can't take it anymore, you can. There is no other way! Day by day things are going to get better
Thank you for using the word resilient. Lately, I am often using the words mentally exhausted and hopeless. However, I have also proven to be resilient myself time and time again. My therapist often reminds me that there is no other way. I hope I can continue on fighting.
I am on escitalopram, 15 mg. Usually, I'm on 10 mg but I'm pregnant and my hormones are going crazy. If I had stopped them, it takes about three months to make me feel like myself again
It's a really hard thing to do. But don't be discouraged. It does get better! And remember that an attempt resulting in failure is better than no attempt at all.
In fact it's better not to think of 'failures' as failures. Each attempt to combat the OCD gets your mind accustomed to confronting it and not letting it win.
Don't overdo things - there's a limit to how much you can manage without making yourself feel worse. For me, I've found a gentle approach is best - if a therapist compels and forces me to do more than I'm able I don't respond well. Encouragement is better!
Gradually the ERP starts to work and each little victory over your OCD will help you with the next little victory and make you feel stronger.
Medication can help. It can take off the worst of the OCD and make the ERP easier to do. I know that ERP is hard, but it's likely that it's as much the OCD that is getting you down as the ERP.
Hi Melren. Despite how hard it is, you are doing it! You are showing up and putting in the work. That in and of itself shows that you are courageous and strong and resilient. In addition, your honesty and willingness to share your journey offers comfort and strength to others by letting them know they are not alone. Ups and downs are inevitable. Keep showing up and trust in the process.
Not sure if you are a person of faith, but the following bible verses supply me with a lot of comfort and inspiration.
“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
“So let’s pursue those things which bring peace and which are good for each other.” Romans 14:19
“Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
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