Maybe OCD?

[no18]

Hi there.

I feel as though I may suffer from OCD and was wondering whether anyone who is diagnosed/has been diagnosed/ knows someone who has been or is diagnosed with OCD can help me.

It all started from a very very early age, probably around 4-5 years old where I would have very strange tendencies where I would have weird thoughts to myself such as "if i don't touch the door 3 times my whole family will die or suffer" or "if I don't win this game I will die immediately" etc. It was disturbing and made my life hell as I was constantly doing repetitive things. I had these thoughts for a while but from the ages of 8-18 they completely stopped and I lived my life normally (other than having anxiety).

I recently realised that these weird negative thoughts were coming back and were coming very frequently, I feel now that they are stopping me from being able to focus and do things. The thoughts are along the lines of "if I don't remember the name of the actor on TV I will drop dead" when I see any actor I think is familiar, or scenarios whereby I will be on my phone on social media and I think "if i don't see a picture of someone wearing a red dress in the next 5 minutes something bad will happen to my family" and then I go frantically scrolling hoping to see someone in a red dress. I know it sounds really weird and kinda disturbing but I'm not too sure if it counts as OCD or if it is a different mental health problem such as paranoia etc.

I'm also not entirely sure whether it's just a really weird thing I do so that I can remember things quicker because I feel an immense amount of pressure to remember something or else I feel that there is the possibility that I or people that I care about could be hurt.

I also have mild tics and have a tendency to be extra cautious about bacteria and germs. for example I am very excessive with hand washing (I have spent up to 15 minutes washing my hands after coming back from a place that I have found to be dirty or "disgusting" because it felt as though I could feel the bacteria on my hands and it made me feel extremely sick and icky). I've even gone to the extents of washing my whole body vigorously after returning from a place that I find "dirty". When I was at school I would take an extra long route from classroom to classroom instead of the shorter route because the shorter route meant that I had to walk through a corridor that I felt was dirty and disgusting. If i ever did pass through that corridor I would either hold my breath or wash my hands vigorously in the toilets I felt were the cleanest even though I had not physically touched anything in that corridor but I felt like I had bacteria on my hands just from passing though that corridor.

I would really like some help because I genuinely feel like it is affecting my life and my ability to do certain tasks as well as having extremely disturbing and seemingly random thoughts.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you so so much for reading this far haha!

[MothFir]

I have had OCD for decades and what you describe sounds just like OCD to me. There are some assessments here that might be helpful: iocdf.org/professionals/tra...

The fact that the thoughts went away for a few years and now have returned is also familiar. Untreated, my OCD came and went for many years, appearing in various forms (excessive handwashing, stove-checking, religious ruminations, etc).

So the bad news is you likely have this disorder. The good news is that there are many resources these days to help you get over it. I strongly recommend finding a therapist who is trained in OCD and can give you a definite diagnosis. They can help you do Exposure and Response Prevention therapy, which helps most people more than anything else. Also do not be afraid to try an anti-obsessive medication, like one of the SSRIs. Meds can help make therapy easier and the unwanted thoughts less intrusive.

You may have already researched OCD before ending up here, but definitely read up on the disorder and some of the basic principles of dealing with it. Many of us take the wrong approach for years and only cause the anxieties and compulsions to become more entrenched. Some of the correct approaches are counterintuitive but they work (e.g., don't try to make the intrusive thoughts go away because they'll only come back stronger, learn to live with uncertainty (because you already do in areas of life not affected by OCD), recognize that your anxious feelings do not reflect real threats and therefore do not deserve a response, etc.).

Also feel free to post any questions here. We all have weird disturbing thoughts and I doubt you can say anything to surprise us. Good luck!

[no18 in reply to MothFir]

Hi there!Thank you for your response and amazing advice, I've found it to be very useful and a huge thank you for the link to all the questionnaires!

I've had a look at all of the questionnaires and some websites with information about OCD and I saw that many of them suggest that these thoughts usually last for several hours every day. In my case these thoughts come quite frequently but are relatively short (only pop in and out of my head for a few split seconds). Would you say it still counts as a symptom of OCD?

I am hoping to speak to my GP and have a confirmed diagnosis so that I can move on with potential treatment because the thoughts that I have can sometimes be quite disturbing and upsetting and make me extremely anxious as I feel there is a huge possibility something bad might happen if I don't do something repeatedly or in a short space of time.

Thank you so much!

[MothFir in reply to no18]

"Would you say it still counts as a symptom of OCD?"

Yes - that is my experience as well much of the time. I sometimes have trouble with those questionnaires because they ask how much time you spend dealing with the thoughts, and I never know whether I should answer with a few hours (total cumulative time) or all day (because they are short but come up constantly). Beware that OCD will often make you obsess over whether or not you have OCD! I'm not a therapist and should not diagnose people over the Internet, but really, from what you've said, if it turns out you don't have OCD I will eat this keyboard.

[LuvSun]

Definitely sounds like OCD to me.

[Catlady27]

I agree with the others who have responded, your experiences sound like classic ocd. I admire your willingness to seek out treatment and wish you nothing but luck in your fight.