Brushed under the carpet!!!

[Carrdo]

Firstly Happy new year everyone,.

I have suffered with ocd almost of my life,I can honestly say it has & still is unfortunately dominating my mind & holding my full potential back of what i want too achieve in my life which is being at peace & happy without any negative thought inteferring with my objective .Every day is a battle, Its enough too deal with the outside of every day life during this current situation we are all in.I feel for everyone & understand completely what your'e all going threw, which is actually a positive thing,During my time growing up i was brought up in a time when mental illness was scarecly talked about,In a way it was hidden,for the fear of being recognised by friends as mental or mad, Such a label would ditear anyone of speaking up, inner feelings where kept under the carpet so too speak,But here lies the problem, The more dust you brush under the carpet unfortunately doesnt just disappear because its out of sight too others,You know yourself though underneath it all just accumalates & gathers into mountains of uncontrolabke negative emotion.But now we are in a time where we can all express what we are going threw thanks too sites like this one,which at the moment has already offered me some relief on first sight.This month has been exceptionally hard for me,my ocd has a tendency too take hold when im excited about something,Yeah its xmas who doesnt get excited about such a festive occasion,It happens too me all the time,Yeah its ruined the best part of my life,Like a suffocating feeling causing tightness too the pit of my stomach,i get paranoid,going over in my head the simplest of tasks like going shopping,talking too people,"Did i say the right thing,"Did i look odd in anyway""Did i pause for too long" and many,many more odd thoughts,I can spend a whole day thinking stupid thoughts about medial tasks like shopping and it persists more often than not into the next day or more.work is the worst one for me at the moment,i run a paintshop for someone,of whom is less than compassionate and cooperative than i would like,i have too deal with customers,Do all the work by myself & am constantly worried about doing a good job for customers whilst at the same time meeting too my bosses deadlines, who has a stadium steel production over the road from this shop?The workplace i work totally on my own,The place is infested with rats ,I no longer want too be their,my mental health is going threw the roof, yet i will be back their tomorrow and i will leave at some point ,Which i know is a key factor,Willpower shouldnt be underestimated.Anyway ive slightly deviated from the point , Which is that their is hope,luckily pandoras didnt let it escape, But the true power lies in us all,It may still beating me down ,But with help from others and their insight& willigness too share , has already given me a positive outlook & the strength too keep on getting up until the day i stay standing ,Positive ,Strong unswayed ...