In need of advice for those of you who are pregnant or had children with ocd and mental illness!!!Sorry, it's a long one.

[OrchidKoi15]

My husband and I had been trying to conceive for almost a year without luck. I basically stopped birthcontrol, he was tested, my hormones tested and all was normal. The next step was fallopion tube flushing but with my myriad of health issues we decided just to let it happen if it will happen. I thought I was doing good "enough" mentally to handle it and within the past few months realize I really don't think I am. I'm turning 36 and kind of at that point it's now or never. I am still recovering from a relapse in my ocd, panic disorder, and depression from almost 2yrs ago so I feel like I can't just say I will wait till I'm better. I am currently taking xanex as needed and lately have needed it alot. I am on luvox which helps but I can't be on when I'm pregnant. I'm even thinking of trying different meds possibly to see if it helps more. I have a psychiatrist and therapist and amazing support from my husband. I so would love to start a family and wanted it even more before we adopted our dog 2months ago which was literally like willingly walking through fire to do due to a past trauma but facing it was the best thing I could have done and was so beneficial for me. However I am still mentally recovering from it. I just can't imagine what would happen if I get pregnant and have a child. What's worse, I won't be able to take the meds I would need to get through it. At least with our dog we could always have brought her back to the rescue if it didn't work out, not to sound morbid but a child is permanent. I know we can make anything work that we have to but I don't know if I can do it. I have pressure from family and age and stigma. I feel so torn and my husband and I are trying to decide if I should go back on my birth control. It is so hard but we love our life as it is right now but also, want that family. We don't want to subject our child to our fears and mental issues and unhealthy thinking techniques. Also our health issues. Now I'm freaking out we were intimate 2 days in a row and what if we actually did conceive!!! What would I do? How would I cope? I'm so scared of getting pregnant and I'm so scared to also miss my chance. Any advice would be so appreciated. I know you can't make the decision for me but knowing how others handled pregnancy and handle motherhood would be so helpful. Sorry this is so long. Thank you for your time.

[OCDneedshelp]

Can you separate your anxiety from your true feelings? Becoming a parent was the best and yet hardest thing I have done. I would also suggest talking to your doc about meds when pregnant. Plus 36 is hardly old to have a baby these days. If you have a therapist talk to them and maybe bring your husband as well if that is okay.

[OrchidKoi15 in reply to OCDneedshelp]

Thank you so much! It is something I have a really hard time with separating anxiety from true feelings. I am going to talk to therapist next week about it. Thanks for the advice😊