OCD: Bad Days

I have been experiencing some bad OCD days.

I end up asking lots of checking questions to my husband.

He says that it is OCD, but I keep insisting that this is the last time I will ask him.

Unfortunately, it is never the last time.

Throughout the day, OCD is obsessing upon different doubts, and making me ask him questions on various topics.

In addition, I am doing my own checking to see if I have not made a mistake, while ordering something from Amazon.

Even though, I have checked the order form so many times, OCD was giving me anxiety if I saw that the "Shipping and Handling" showed free, as Prime members.

The doubts still kept coming, and then I checked the entire order form.

Afterwards, still the doubts continued coming back.

Then, suddenly, the thoughts shifted to maybe I saw something missing from our address.

OCD started giving me high levels of anxiety, with feared consequences.

But I did not go and check again.

I am trying to sit with the anxiety, and the feared consequences for some time.

Then, I will put the thought in a corner.

Checking anything just creates a bigger mess with OCD.

Since OCD picks on other things, and starts giving doubts, and makes me feel miserable with the anxiety.

By the end of the day, I feel emotionally drained out, and very exhausted.

I just do not have any mental energy.

OCD is so cruel and nasty.

It does not give me any peace of mind anymore.

My brain is constantly changing topics for obsessions, makes me do compulsions, and in the end, I just feel so sick from it all.

Sometimes, the OCD thoughts, last for days, weeks, or months.

I just wish for a free mind, cured from OCD.

[purplecat223]

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. Keep going, you will get through this! Remember you are stronger than your ocd. I know ocd is horrible, but you can beat it!

[Hidden in reply to purplecat223]

Thank You for your kind words and support.

It is very much appreciated.

[Karla12]

I go through the same with a range of different topics that I obsess about. When I have been ill in the past the topic stays stuck on the one thing. However now each day it can be something different. Like you I feel drained and some mornings it feels an effort to get up and get dressed. I keep practicing ERP and sometimes I get through it and other times it’s harder. Every worry feels that it’s the worst and different from the last one and I am always asking my husband for reassurance. Keep going there will be good days. As they say with ERP stay with the thought and use mindfulness to bring your attention back to the present without getting into the overthinking loop. We don’t realise how strong we are. You are stronger than you think. You can get through this.

[Hidden in reply to Karla12]

Thank You so much for your support.

It is very much appreciated.

[3BirdLover]

I feel your pain desipurple19. It makes me think of my OCD of when I would buy something from a store, I had to check every item on the receipt because "there has to be something here that I didn't pay for, OR that I got for lesser price than what the sign said on the shelf". This has taken me back to the store more than once to ask the person at the customer service desk if they are SURE that I paid the right amount. Even if they said 'yes you did', I couldn't believe it....I would ask again. How embarrassing this was. This was a huge compulsion for me that I knew I had to break. I felt like I stole money from the store.

Through meds etc. I decided that when I got home from the store, I would immediately throw the receipt away, maybe tearing it up into tiny pieces so I couldn't put it back together to check( I didn't know it then but I think I was doing ERP). So, after doing that I sat in uncertainty, which is what OCD is right? We have to learn how to handle the uncertainty.... to understand that we can handle being uncertain. This has really helped me.

You are right that compulsing just makes the OCD worse and more messy. It keeps opening up more cans of worms that we cannot get rid of.

It's helped me tremendously to put my OCD in a separate place outside of myself (I've decided to name it, but haven't yet come up with a suitable name yet ) . Is this something you may be able to do? This is because we are NOT our OCD. We HAVE OCD but it is not us. To me it's a devil that wants to make my life unbearable. Like Ethan Smith said on the videos, we will "never be able to make OCD happy", and he's right. OCD loves to torment just like Satan does.

My husband used to tell me to "kick it to the curb" (about intrusive thoughts) and this is another thing that really REALLY helped me. When I would tell him that OCD was bothering me, instead of telling him what it was I was thinking, he would say that. Sometimes I actually PHYSICALLY kick out and tell it to get lost!!! It is a big fat liar! It did really help. This came after so many incidences of me seeking reassurances from him. (reassurances were a big relief for a moment, but only to have another thing pop up seconds afterward).

It is so painful.....I get it. I hope maybe some of these tips that worked for me might help you in a similar fashion. <heart>

[Hidden in reply to 3BirdLover]

Thanks for your support.

It is very appreciated.

We can name the OCD as a "monster", "liar", "scary".

[Hidden in reply to 3BirdLover]

I am sorry to hear about your suffering with OCD.

I also have the compulsion of checking receipts from stores and restaurants.

Finally, I have stopped looking at receipts anymore, as my therapy.

When I get a receipt, I just file it away, to match with the credit card statements later,

and then just shred the receipt.

I was going through lots of anxiety, but I am working on it.

I hope this helps.