really bad days lately.

[honeybeee17]

Hello! I'm new here. I've never reached out to other people battling with OCD. But as I'm trying to recover from this exhausting battle, I really want to feel less alone. One of my triggers that I had a few days ago has really been eating me up to the point where I feel really hopeless, lost and overall just tired. I tried to find people who have this particular trigger but I haven't come across anyone. I have this fear and obsession that I will write something horrible down. Whether it's online, at work or just simply going by a pen and paper, I have the fear that I just write the most horrific thing down. I was doing some online shopping the other day and I told myself I wasn't gonna record my screen (which I do every time I go online). It was very hard, but I got through it. Then when I was done, I had the thought that I did in fact write something. I have spent the last 3 days wondering if I wrote something in the reviews. I deleted my history so I can't go back and I have overthought this situation to the point where I truly can't remember exactly what happened. The anxiety took over everything in me and it's hard to separate reality vs what I think happened if that makes sense. My OCD also attacks me by telling me that I really did it this time because if I'm this anxious, something bad must have happen. It's really hard to have this trigger because I feel very limited. I had to quit a job that I really enjoyed because it involved a lot of writing and typing. Being afraid to write has controlled my life for the past two years and I really just don't know how to get over this and stop obsessing with the what if's. thank you for reading this.

[alexandraisobsessed IOCDF Advocate]

Hey honeybee,

This is not an obsession that I struggle with personally, but it sounds very much like Real Event OCD. Have you heard of it by any chance?

We just talked about this in my group therapy and it seems like it can get very debilitating as you do end up checking to make certain you've done/haven't done something repeatedly and can never be certain.

Are you currently in therapy?

Here are some great videos on Real Event OCD by an OCD therapist named Nathan Peterson. All of his videos are great honestly!

youtube.com/watch?v=fNxlpot...(Not working as expected?)

youtube.com/watch?v=lFc-89F...(Not working as expected?)

[honeybeee17 in reply to alexandraisobsessed]

thanks for replying to me and sharing that video. I listened it today and it made me feel a lot better. I didn't know what Real Event OCD was. Yes, I'm in therapy and have been for almost half a year. I am in CBT treatment. I have great tools and coping skills, but for this specific trigger, I did not handle it very well.

[alexandraisobsessed IOCDF Advocate in reply to honeybeee17]

You're welcome! I'm so happy the videos helped. I find his videos to be such a great resource and his positivity is great.

[MyOCD123]

Hey there! I think I can confidently say my intrusive thoughts range all over the place because I have definitely had this one 🤣. It doesn’t bother me like my other themes about harming others does but sometimes when I go to set my out of office reply I think “what if I wrote something crazy or racist and offensive and now everyone who emails me gets this response”. Because I’ve completed therapy and have the tools now I am able to let this one go each time and just tell myself that if it’s true that would suck. I also just found myself combing through my messages on here from a couple years ago wondering what if I told someone to hurt themselves or something crazy like that. It’s definitely not fun but OCD will always come up with a new way to scare you, that’s what it lives for. I have had many thoughts that cause me a rush of panic and like you said I think to myself “well if I feel this way it must be true” but it’s not. OCD is a liar and the more attention you give to these thoughts the worse they will become. By agreeing with or just observing our thoughts we can teach our brains that they are not harmful and can’t hurt us. I know how isolating OCD can feel, especially when you have a theme you think no one else has but trust me - someone has the exact same intrusive thought as you. Hang in there and try your best to resist compulsions that will only validate these thoughts in your head, and remember that just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s true. OCD is tough I know, but so are we. You got this.

[honeybeee17 in reply to MyOCD123]

thank you for replying! you made me feel not alone. It's nice to hear that you have had similar intrusive thoughts and you have more of a control on them and can work pass them. i really hope to get there one day. I really need to work on not giving into the compulsions of replaying the scenario in my head because I made it 100x more difficult. OCD is such a monster and the key is to not feed it. thank you so much.

[MyOCD123 in reply to honeybeee17]

You are definitely not alone! OCD can be very isolating but this community has really assured me that I’m not the only one. 💖

[KatJ1982]

Hello Honeybeee17. I also have this obsession. I worry about typing something inappropriate at work. Sometimes I will stare at the screen and check repeatedly. My mind keeps thinking that my eyes are lying to me. The anxiety is so intense until another obsession or compulsion comes up. Have you read Brain Locked? I've tried using the techniques in the book. It has provided some relief. Good luck to you.

[honeybeee17 in reply to KatJ1982]

thank you so much for replying to me! I haven’t heard of the book but i am definitely going to look into it! this trigger is so hard to deal with because there is no escape from writing and typing. it’s made me very limited when it comes to having a job because it’s so hard just to be around a pen. i really want to overcome it because it makes my life so painful. thank you again for sharing your struggle too. take care!