Explaining SO-OCD in my relationship

[Gospel_8]

Hi. This is my first time here..I really need someone’s sincere and helpful advice about a situation I have dealt with regarding Sexual Oriented OCD (SO-OCD) I deal with and how that has been a predominant conflict that has effected my current relationship.

Here is my question: if I suffer from unwanted and sexual intrusive thoughts of any kind which tends triggered me with anxiety and guilt..I go through these exhaustive conversations as I try to explain these issues to my girlfriend. We undergo major conflict which has led to two reasons: first, because I have a challenging time explaining how to be clear about my thoughts (i.e. intrusive thoughts..yes.. in addition to experiencing thought-action fusion components as well which basically means having these thoughts might actually feel the same as carrying out the action of those thoughts ) and second, my girlfriend places a heavy emphasis on requiring she feels I am “loyal” by NOT cheating and if I am pure to her in every facet of our relationship (i.e. both in thought and action)..

Furthermore, how do I explain to her dealing with SO-OCD is NOT my intention nor ever will be to cheat on her; leaving her feeling suspicious about me and insecure, so that I can relay clear advice to her in such a way that will lead to healthier communication between us and clarity so that she understands better about what I mean?

Thank you very much in advance for your help!

[Selesnya]

This only sort of addresses what you say, but I wanted to say that thoughts are just thoughts. Having a thought doesn't make you disloyal. Acting on a thought could make you disloyal, but by itself the thought means nothing. You can't control what is going to pop into your mind. You can only control how you act.

With that said, I've had to deal with thought-action fusion as well, and it is terrifying. What does this thought mean about my character? What does this say about what I might do? OCD can attack you in so many ways and make your fears seem real and present. Thinking the thoughts feels just as bad as taking the actions, but it is all a lie by OCD. It is not at all the same.