New Obsessions 😢

[MyOCD123]

Hey everyone,

Hope all is going well with you guys! I haven’t posted on here in a while and I’m still trying to make progress after a setback. I could use some support at the moment. I’m going to see my therapist tomorrow but I’m filled with so much guilt and shame right now. I’m having new obsessions and false memories...of the sexual kind...and I feel so embarrassed. I’m not sure I’ll even be able to talk about it with my therapist. I wish I could have some kind of reassurance about whether my “memories” are true or not. Deep down, I know it is OCD, but it doesn’t feel that way. I’m trying my best to keep my head above water but it’s hard right now. I promised myself I would never use this forum to seek reassurance from others, as it’s one of my compulsions. So if anyone has words of advice or encouragement it would be greatly appreciated right now. And if you have similar obsessions and you want to tell your story that is fine too, but I don’t want to deliberately ask “has anyone felt the same thing?” Because I know I wouldn’t be asking for the right reasons. Anyways, hope to hear from some of you!

[Hidden]

Hi 123 - I am sorry you are going through a rough patch right now. Remember, I have an appointment on 3/26 with my OCD doctor, and I'm not looking forward to talking about my thoughts either. You know you have my support. You add so much to this group.

[MyOCD123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, that really means a lot. I was pretty open with my therapist but she decided not to focus on those obsessions until we get the harm obsessions under control so we did the knife exposure again and intensified it but so far I am doing really good with not checking and I’m hoping for a good night. Thank you so much for the support! 😊

[disneyandme]

Hi MyOCD123! Keep your head up this too shall pass!! You have been a support to me in the past, please know that I support you as well! And I believe in you! And remember — deep down you know in your heart who you are. Thoughts do not define you. I wish you well and I know you will get past this flare up sooner than you think.

[MyOCD123 in reply to disneyandme]

Thank you so much! The support I get from you guys in this group means more to me than you will ever know. I’m really hoping to make some more progress and resist my mental compulsions of checking or rescanning events. 💖

[bab5]

Hey!

I hope you have been continuing to make progress after your setback!

How have your last couple of therapist appointments gone for you?

I know what it feels like to be filled with guilt and shame. I promise I know exactly what that is like. It takes a serious emotional toll on you.

New obsessions are never-ending. For some of us, new compulsions are never-ending as well.

Intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature can be completely debilitating. They horrify the conscience. Awful.

The false “memories” and obsessions, as you know, feel temporarily relieved upon receiving reassurance, but the worry inevitably comes back as time passes.

It is OCD. You’re right about that one!

I hope you have been able to manage for the last couple of weeks.

I am so happy that you did not give in to your compulsion by avoiding the act of seeking reassurance from this forum through this very post!

I am eager to hear an update on how you have been for the last couple of weeks.

I am sure that many of the members of this community have intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature. I promise you that I can relate to that. Pedophilia OCD is a relatively common type of OCD, and symptoms of it clearly rub off on those who are fortunate enough to not have that as their main obsession.

Great job resisting the reassurance-seeking compulsion! That is incredibly refreshing to see and I’m sure that it made you feel proud (as it definitely should).

[MyOCD123 in reply to bab5]

Thank you for all the support and kind words, it really means a lot. I have been doing better the past two weeks and making progress again! I have been sick this week so my OCD has been flaring up but I am hanging in there. My last few therapy sessions have been very hard but also very rewarding and I’ve been able to do more difficult exposures that would have been impossible for me a few months ago. The false memories are always and still the hardest part for me but I try not to give them too much power. Hope you’re doing well!

[bab5 in reply to MyOCD123]

How have you been over the past month?

I hope you have not been ill in the last month.

I am glad to hear that you have been making considerable progress with your therapy.

False memories are absolutely awful. I completely understand that.

Giving the thoughts too much power seems like a natural reaction for our freaking brains, don’t you think? 🧠

I hope you’re doing well!

[Mars08]

Dear MyOCD123,

Thank you so much for posting, I appreciate your post so much. I am so sorry you are going through this. 😭 Even though my OCD is a different theme than yours, I can relate completely. The dreaded feeling you get when you 'feel' as though these thoughts are really you, and your path is horrifying and terrifying, if not the most frightening thing ever!

Remember, this is just our OCD. Our mind is disordered in thinking, feeling and interpreting the world. The way we see the world, the way everyone see's the world, is subjective - it is their own interpretation and their own lens that allows them to make sense of it all. We are just very special people that have a number of different lenses, some which do not make sense and are actually false. You are so brave and so courageous, and know although I may not know you personally, I look up to you! Keep going, you can do this! We all can! We just have to keep moving. OCD is a frightening disease, but have the self-love to be gentle and kind, loving to yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for having the guts to continue. You rock! We're all cheering for you! 🤗

[MyOCD123 in reply to Mars08]

Wow, thank you thank you thank you! Your kind words are almost bringing me to tears. I read your comment earlier and it was a wonderful way to start my morning as I walked into work. I felt incredibly strong, encouraged, and supported so thank you for that. There’s nothing more terrifying than OCD convincing you that you don’t know who you are or what you might have done in the past but I’m doing my best to be uncomfortable with the uncertainty and not let OCD take any more from me. I hope everything with you is going well. Please know you made my day!