Feeling that I will never really get the ... - My OCD Community

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Feeling that I will never really get the Cognitive Behavioural help that I need.

Blue274
Blue274

Two nights ago my hands itched soooooo bad from overwashing that I was in agony. I bent my head down in my lap and cried on my bed. On Friday I went to go see my therapist and all he did was hook me up to another you tube video about OCD. THAT DOES NOT HELP ME AT ALL! If I needed you tube videos about OCD, I could have told him that I could do that on my own. I told him that I feel like if I don't get the help that I truly need the OCD is going to take me down. He is not trained in OCD and all we still do is just talk about it. Medicaid will not pay for a treatment center, but I heard through child protective services last year that there is a type of funding available for me to go, but at the time I did not have anyone to watch over my son. I felt so hopeless today, but I held myself together and got some errands done. I start college on Monday and the rituals are still taking up most of my time and I now have to fight to be on time to my class which is about 40 minutes away and starts at 9a.m. sharp. The rituals morphed into something different over the summer with a whole new scheme.

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Sorry you are struggling to get the help you need. He obviously has no idea what he's doing. We all can find the you tube videos on our own and I'm sure most of us have already seen alot of them.

Blue274
Blue274 in reply to marie114

Thanks Marie! I left you a message too.

Hidden
Hidden

Hi Blue - Are you washing your hands because you don't think they are clean enough or because you think you are forgetting that you just washed them? I have some hand-washing "experience" from several decades ago.

Blue274
Blue274 in reply to Hidden

Hi it is both answers. My brain does not process sometimes that I already washed my hands the first time, so I feel compelled to do it again to be sure. OCD is the "doubting" disease. I actually use the bubbles from the soap in the sink as a sign that yes I washed them.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Blue274

Hi Blue - I used to be late leaving the house because I couldn't stop washing my hands. My brain would not register that I just washed them over & over & over again. This was before I knew what OCD was, and I was totally alone with this weird behavior. I started writing down that I washed my hands, i.e. "After restroom", "Before cooking" , etc. I did this for awhile. It was like riding a bike with training wheels, where eventually I began trusting myself & was able to start believing that I washed them. I've never had trouble with that since then. I do have other OCD issues, so my OCD didn't just disappear. This is definitely not ERP, but I thought of it myself, and it worked for me.

Blue274
Blue274 in reply to Hidden

Thanks! I will try this.😊

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Blue274

You are very welcome.

Exposure Response Prevention, a form or cognitive behavior therapy is probably what is needed for you to decrease the hand-washing. Can you find a therapist who will do this for you? Please check the OCD Foundation website for therapists near your living area. Thick hand cream can help the chapping. It'll get better with the right help.

Blue274
Blue274 in reply to cathy1956

Thank you! Cathy. I will try at it again.

cathy1956
cathy1956 in reply to Blue274

That's good. I hope it helps soon.

Has your therapist recommend CBT yet!? That's what I went for. I actually got myself a book on cognitive behavioural therapy while I waited for my sessions, but I found at the beginning I needed help with that. You stay strong too! ☺️

Blue274
Blue274 in reply to Katz101

No he doesn't know what he's doing. Just because he is a therapist my insurance feels that it will help me but it does not do anything for me. I'm going to tell him that I no longer need him on the 28th.

Katz101
Katz101 in reply to Blue274

My therapist said that because of my sense of humour I'll get through this and I don't need CBT, but I put my foot down and said I need it. You have nothing to lose if you say I need CBT, but you'll know better than me. Are you able to see someone else!?

Blue274
Blue274 in reply to Katz101

I told him that but I feel like he is not hearing the desperation. My last therapist moved a half hour away to practice where she lives. She was not trained in OCD but she was a little bit better than him.

Katz101
Katz101 in reply to Blue274

Well I hope you find someone that helps soon.

Blue274
Blue274 in reply to Katz101

Me 2!

I promise that I have been there as well. I figured that there was no institution or medical professional on the planet that had the ability to assist me with my OCD.

I am very sorry to hear about your handwashing.

I have bent my head down in bed and cried too. Numerous times. This has also happened to me while in the shower. Just Awful.

Clearly, your therapist has no idea what he is doing. YouTube videos are good for self-help.

I am positive that an OCD-trained therapist will assist you. However, I understand that finding a therapist that is specialized in OCD is easier said than done, to say the least.

That sounds like a very intriguing option.

Is there an individual that is now available to watch over your son?

I understand the helplessness. It is absolutely brutal.

I am glad to hear that, on one of your worst days, you were able to hold yourself together and be productive. That is not something that I can say that I completed when I needed to.

How was the first week of college?

Just like you, I struggle with rituals taking up much of my time. Getting to class on time is a huge strain on my OCD. There are many rituals for me that are associated with school. I am hoping that the rest of this semester goes smoothly. I hope the same for you.

OCD rituals and compulsions are constantly changing. When one compulsion is seemingly under control, more arrive. It is the vicious, never-ending OCD cycle.

Blue274
Blue274 in reply to bab5

I replied down below by accident if you can see it.

The first week of school was ok for the most part. I have trouble wanting to use my laptop at home, because of my brain telling me that it will get contaminated somehow or I don't want to get dry peeling skin all over it from hand washing. I have to make sure I have on long clean pants to be able to sit on my couch. (no shorts) or the couch will become contaminated by my skin. I cannot even live freely without OCD dictating my every move. This reminds me of Howard Hughes and the movie "Aviator." He asked in one scene "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?"

How has school been going?

I have troubles at home, as well. Some of them are related to the computer.

I understand the compulsions.

AVIATOR is a great movie

I absolutely love that scene.

Blue274
Blue274 in reply to bab5

Feeling sad today because of everything. I'm tired of life. But I have one more week of school. I think my first class is an A and my second looks like a B. I'm hoping it does not drop to a C. I just wish I didnt have to deal with OCD. They switched my medicine again. And the love of my life does not love me back. Well I think he does, but he has a funny way of showing it or he hides it. It's probably because I have OCD.

I understand your struggle. After 29 years with OCD I have not found good CBT/ERP therapist in my country. I've had to cope with on line resources and meds. Feel your frustration.

Keep searching for a dr to help u. I know it’s very hard after calling around for months and being told the drs were no accepting new patients I found one. Today is my second visit so I am not sure how things are going. I also found when I am busy and have lots to do I think less about ocd. Maybe school will help you. I wish there were support groups in my area for ocd but I have not found any.

i will use a paper and pen and write down what I do so I can check when I doubt. It’s horrible but it helps. My friend would take pictures of things like the stove being off or doors locked so she could reassure herself.

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