Blue Christmas

The past week or so I have been feeling a massive sense of emptiness and loneliness. I thought I had managed my expectations for Christmas, but not having children is really too tough. The adverts are all showing families and Facebook is filled with elves of the shelves and trips to Lapland UK. I've got so much time on my hands and nothing to do: work has finished, choir has finished and my husband and i are quite distant since the ivf . It seems everyone else is too busy to even blink nevermind arrange to see me. People just assume you're probably busy but really I spend most evenings at home on my own in front of the tele. I do struggle with depression and it makes me a little reclusive at times. It also means I'm scared to put myself out there too much in case I'm rejected or not wanted. I really need people to encourage me and be proactive but sadly they don't understand that.

I'm sorry to moan on and on but I just needed to get it out my system.

Hope you're all doing better than I am with it all. Love to all xx

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Hi MinMin,

Christmas is one of the worst times of the year for highlighting and emphasising all the sadness and pain we feel, and the anger and disappointent of another year passing without getting the only thing we all want with every fibre of our being. You’re not on your own in feeling how you feel. I feel the same for sure.

Try and reach out to those closest to you, arrange some festive get togethers of your own if you can face it and if you’re drifting from your husband why not make some plans for just the two of you and try and reconnect?

We’re just recovering from another failed IVF round ending in miscarriage so we’re swerving Christmas entirely this year and going away for it. Just the two of us. I plan on deleting Facebook and all other forms of social media that I know would depress me but that I wouldn’t be able to stay away from otherwise and I’m going to spend our week away coming up with a positive plan on how the hell to keep moving forward and not letting my infertility and my pain consume me next year. Because it has taken all of my joy for the last 3 years.

I hope you find a way to muddle through the season and that next year Christmas is the exciting and fun time that it should be for us all.

Remember that you’re never alone xxx

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Hi Min Min

Such a difficult time of year -sending you love and hugs. I can identify with a lot of how you feel and relate to you too Kezbag in terms of planning for not letting my infertility pain consume me next year.

X

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Hi Min Min I know how you feel when you say it makes you more reclusive. The gloomy weather and dark nights make that worse I'm sure. I've found it harder this year as I know I've let myself become more of a hermit. Feeling rejected is hard. I think it's a case of little steps of doing things for yourself and also others. I know that feeling of other people seeming so busy they just don't have time for you and this time of year can exacerbate it. I'm free for a meet up this week if you'd like to. Just get in touch Big hugs Sxxx

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First of don’t ever apologise for moaning about this! Ever! You are grieving, venting is perfectly normal! Can you tell your friends this? Exactly this? I have you considered counselling? I’ve been paying privately for counselling for 4 months and it’s really helped me stay out of depression. I hope you’re feeling better soon. We all understand here. You aren’t on your own x

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Just wanted to see how you are all feelings now girls? I've been completely the same and feel like a total hermit these days. I live in Ashford surrey if any of you are nearby and ever fancy (several) glasses of wine :)

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Thanks Emma, it's a bumpy ride. I spent Christmas eve at home on my own. I guess it was by choice as I just couldn't face a pub full of people and my depression was telling my brain that no one wanted me there any way!

I was actually ok for 3 days as we were so busy at family gatherings and I was glad I enjoyed myself rather than just 'coped'.

Bit of a drop now it's back to normal, nothing planned, husband who's disinterested and grumpy and pouring with rain!!

Now the dreaded New Year...reminiscing on every new year past where you allowed yourself the optimism to think maybe this would be baby time. Hard to look forward to anything now sadly.

Like you say, there's always wine!!

How are you?

And you Caudalie11, Katy, and the other lovely folk?

xxx

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It’s been a bit up & down for me. I’m off work too & usually being off work makes me worse as I feel like I have a purpose at work. I’ve cried a lot but I’ve also reminded myself how strong I am.

I’m able to ignore the adverts now, I just look away & block it out. I’ve unfollowed a lot of people on fb too. When people talk about pregnancies etc on the telly I get annoyed, about at it etc. It helps me!

I think it’s really positive that we know distractions help

& I hope 2018 is kinder to us all xxx

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