Information following - what is my problem?

[Clara2994]

Hello, I have just found this site and my heart goes out to all those struggling with any form of depression. My case, seems a mild one but I was wondering if there is any advice out there. I am 18 years old and this year I have been receiving cognitive behavioural therapy for OCD behaviour and mild depression. At a younger age I suffered from anxiety related eating disorders and compulsions such as washing my hands until they bled and turning of all the lights in my house to save energy, fearing bad things would happen if I didn't. With help, these problems went away but after the death of a close family member they seemed to crop up again. I have an extremely negative trail of thoughts, I doubt myself entirely, hate the way I look and think the worse of situations always, which has a particular effect on close relationships - I often push people away without meaning to. The cognitive behavioural therapy has helped but the negative thoughts always come back and I rarely sleep at night. I have recently been making myself throw up, smoke a lot and don't eat properly. This has a real impact on my life, I have no motivation or enjoyment in doing or concentrating on anything, I just want to sleep or smoke. I was wondering if there was any advice out there, as I am not sure if this is in anyway depression related? My elder brother suffers with clinical depression and psychosis so my heart goes out to all those on here as I have witnessed the struggle he is currently going through. Some help would be fantastic, thank you so much

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Hi

I am suprised when you say your case seems a mild one as you have obviously had a lot to cope with. Pushing people away is often the way of coping with negative thoughts, I do that sometimes too, it can feel as if I want to stay on my own whereas in reality I think it's a response to the despair of feeling that people cannot help.

From what you have written about smoking and not eating properly etc it sounds as though you are not good at looking after yourself which suggests you have not had the experience of being well looked after by other people. I had similar experiences and find I neglect my basic needs sometimes, but I find it can be helpful to talk with people about how my depression came about. I'm wondering whether you can remember a time when you did feel happy or whether like me you feel you were unhappy as a child. Looking back over how the feelings developed can be helpful as it can make sense of them and understanding is a key to managing feelings and eventually overcoming them. I wonder whether your mum looked after you well or whether you and your brother had bad experiences as you were growing up. I'm sorry your brother has had psychosis, the organisation Mind can be really helpful in that situation as they would accept your brother as he is and not judge him, they would also offer him an opportunity to join in with things at his own pace so it might be worth telling him about them if he doesn't already know.

CBT can be helpful for managing difficult symptoms such as OCD but as you have discovered the underlying feelings that caused the symptoms to develop are still there. It may help you to write about how you and your brother felt when you were growing up as then you may come to understand how your symptoms developed in the first place. Understanding them can alter them although it will take time.

Suex

[alfie19]

I can see that you are depressed I strongly advise you to see a GP its good that you can off load your worries here and you are not alone we are all here to help one another.

I feel that you have gone through so much in your life that when times are bad we all confort eat (me especially) try to eat small amounts or at least have egg and bacon for breakfast to give you a good start.

Keep a daily journal of your feelings this will certainly help you.

If there is no-one that you can talk to we are always here for you.

Happy 2013.