What should I do?

[Phil07815]

I know I'm quite young but I feel like my whole life is ruined. Anything that could have gone wrong the past year has! I was a really good student and got really good GCSE grades and I couldn't wait to start Uni; but from the day I started my Alevels it just started going down hill. I got a job, started volunteering and started college but it soon became too much and I stopped going- it's like my brain just switched off and my confidence completely shut down and before I knew it college kicked me 3 months before I was meant to finish college all together! I have never felt so low. And then I get myself into debt as I'm buying things to try and make myself feel better but it never does so now I've got debt of just over £1000 and I have no Job. I lost my job as I was late too many times - I just slept a lot (well tried to) and it was just like I didn't care about anything at all. All I get from my family is grief over anything and everything and that's why I was so low over college because going to Uni was my one chance to get away and now I'm stuck there and to make it worse the one place I went to get away from everything was my aunties and she died from terminal cancer; we were so close and I can't stop thinking about her. Another problem I have is that I am self conscious about my looks I'm not really ugly or that but I really think I'm going go die alone. I have issues with my weight even tho I am quite slim I just think that I'm fat and no one is ever going to go for me.

I just seriously hate my life my friends have all gone to Uni, I have no job of any chance of a future. I'm in serious debt, I barely get on with my mum and dad. My auntie died. What should I do? I can't cope anymore.

[newleafprogramme]

Dear Sir or Madam

Watch a film called The Secret first 20 minutes is free on youtube.

This film changed my thinking patterns.

Focus on the solution not the problem the answers lie deep within you.

Keep positive.

Good luck

The Secret first 20 mins (You Tube)

[reggie]

depression is a transitional stage I go thru it regular and loss of confidence even to the point of suicide I have bad coping days, but I know I will come out of it and the last post says it all concentrate on the solution not the problem I recently became a member of a fellowship group and found a lot of support there good luck and be strong your still young with a full life.

[Hidden]

Hi Phil

I'm so sorry you are feeling so low about life, especially when you are young and have your life ahead of you. I guess you must be wondering at this point in time what on earth the remainder of your life will be like, that you have thrown away the chance of making something different of things and are disappointed in yourself? You are obviously intelligent if you were in the middle of A'levels - well done for getting that far, many people don't. It needn't be the end of the world for you - I left school without any GCSEs (O'levels) but now have two degrees and four postgrad qualifications. Right now you can see no way of changing things, but they can be changed.

You said you were fine until you were doing your A'levels and anticipating Uni happily as it offered a way of leaving home, a way out. That feels sad to me, as it suggests you are not happy at home and perhaps haven't been for some years - you might have always felt unhappy at home, I don't know, or maybe something in particular happened or things changed. Whatever the reason you couldn't wait to get away, now you are probably feeling trapped in a situation you do not want. I think you might find it helpful to talk with someone about what that trapped feeling means to you, about what it feels like for you to be living at home and how those feelings might have developed?

The anticipation of going to Uni often raises miixed feelings for teenagers - I remember my daughter feeling quite scared by the prosepct of leaving home, wondering how she would fit in, whether you would be able to make friends, whether she would cope with the course, and also if she did go to Uni whether that would mean she would never be able to turn to us and be looked after again like a child. All sorts of mixed feelings can be quite normal. I wonder whether for you going to Uni was not only welcomed but also meant an end to a possibility of your finding something really good for you from your parents, some understanding and support that had previously been missing? I might be completely wrong, but just wonder whether that fits in any way with how you were feeling.

Now you are depressed which is hardly suprising. It is a natural response to your situation. You have also recently experienced the loss of your auntie who was the one person who you felt you could turn to in order to get away from home. That all feels really sad to me, but familiar from my own past as my auntie was the only person who I felt understood me! It does sound as though you feel there is much at home that you want to get away from - maybe arguments or some other behaviours that you find upsetting or tiring, or maybe just a feeling of being nagged and criticised rather than supported. Whatever the cause you clearly wanted to turn to your auntie and now she has died. You do need an alternative source of support in order to find your really good strengths. You are intelligent and realise that from your grades, you are honest as can be seen from all you have written here, you understand what your problems are so you have insight, now you need help to deal with the feelings and to enable you to continue moving towards leaving home whilst at the same time understanding what makes you want to leave because it does sound like it is not just about wanting independence but is also about getting away from something.

I think you would benefit initially from a period of counselling, your GP could refer you for that. Then when you are feeling stronger and have resumed your A'levels you will benefit from ongoing support perhaps from the college counsellor to enable you to leave home without fear or guilt. Hopefully by then you may also find you are able to feel better about yourself. Looks certainly aren't everything but self-esteem does matter and it sounds like yours is unreasonably low given all your abilities. I like the sound of you from all you've written and I imagine younger girls will too as you sound sensitive which is a quality always attractive to women!

Do see your GP and seek the help you need from a trained counsellor.

Good luck, Suexx

[Phil07815 in reply to Hidden]

What would I say to the doctor though? That's what's keeping me from doing it; I'm too nervous. I'm not sure I would want to do counselling. I just thought that antidepressants would work for me.

[Hidden]

Hi Phil

Why not just say that you wanted to get away from home but messed up at college and then your auntie died and now you're feeling depressed and would like to see a counsellor so you can talk things through?

Antidepressants may help, but I was suggesting they will not help you to deal with the feelings that prevented you from finishing college and prevent you from seeing yourself as desirable.. Although medication can help with feelings of depression, you say you lost confidence at college and meds can't help rebuild your confidence, they don't help with natural grief but tend to lock it away until it re-surfaces, and they won't enable you to understand and deal with the things that make you want to get away from home. But it is only my opinion you know Phil and if you feel you would prefer meds then maybe it will be a good idea to talk through the options with the GP?

Seeing the GP can feel daunting, but if you tell him briefly how your feelings have developed over time he is likely to understand. Whether he offers meds or counselling or both will depend on the GP. My previous GP offered counselling, my present GP is all for meds for everything and I had to insist to get referred. You decide what you feel may be the most help and go with it. You can always go back to see the GP if you feel better but are still unable to get your life going in the direction you want (Uni and leaving home). My preference is for talking therapies where you have some idea why you are depressed (grief often triggers depression and can be helped by talking through the feelings and what the loss means to you) but other people will prefer meds for all depressive type feelings..

I forgot to say that you could probably do with seeing someone from CAB so they can advise you about paying off the debts if that's a problem. There are ways of coming to an arrangement so that you pay very little until things improve. It's always better to do that than to find you can't pay and then have the lenders take action against you which causes big problems. I know that from personal experience years ago when I got VERY deeply into debt!

I do hope you manage to sort things out, it feels really awful to be in debt and have other reasons for feeling low.

Good luck!

Suexx

[Hidden]

Hi phil

Please dont feel like youve messed up your life when you are so young, you still have plenty of time to fix things! First of all, as for the debt maybe you could ring the company and come to an arrangement of making small payments as your personal finical situation has changed. If not, theres not really much they can do about it anyway apart from send you lots of letters! As long as you never open your door to a bailiff they cant take anything and also if nothing in the house belongs to you they cant take that either.

As for college, you can always do it again.. Or maybe do a different course, something that really interests you, A stepping stone course so you would still be able to go onto uni and do what you wanted. Get in touch with one of the personal advisers from the college and explain what had previously happened. What you would like to do at uni and the types of college courses your interested in doing.(also if you did decide to do a course that your interested in and your worried youll be on your own and your friends have gone to uni. Well everyone else on that course will be doing it because there interested in the same thing as you and of course not everyone will have friends with them. so its a great chance to make new friends to)

Im sorry to hear about your aunty passing away, i do know what its like to lose someone very close to you. And its not easy coping with that pain, but it does get easier in time. My grandma always says to me be grateful for being able to have met them in the first place and to have experienced all the good times you had together. Which helps me a bit, Instead of me thinking its not fair, i think im glad they were in my life.

As secondhand rose said i think you should see the doctor and if you dont want to explain to them you could always write it down and hand it to them to read. And then they will ask you some questions, Thats all. They deal with depressed people often dont worry. You said you just wanted some anti depressants, well im sure they will prescribe you some but you still need to learn coping skills to help you deal with your problems, that's why if you've never been to counseling before its a good idea to try it. They could help you with your confidence, anxiety's, your way of thinking & give you ideas of coping which you might of not thought of before. I suffer with low self esteem to and previously before i got ill i found exercise a great way of boosting my confidence. You dont have to go to the gym, you can do it in your bedroom. A few push ups, sits ups, Theres lots of mens exercise routines on youtube to give you some ideas. And also let me tell you this, the most attractive thing about a person is there personality! Things will get better phil, just take things one step at a time. You can sort your debts, you can go back to college,you can get your confidence back. Where there is a will, there is a way. Keep fighting phil you can sort all of this out! take care and if you need to talk just msg me! xx