Am I just an unlucky person?

[Not_good_enough]

I've put abit on my profile about my story but I'm often wondering if I'm just an unlucky person?Not much has gone right in my life. Mental & physical abuse I keep replaying in my head. All the names I've been called.

I would describe myself as being a caring person, a strong person but since my daughter has been having problems it's a whole new level of hurt I'm feeling.

She doesn't mean it but sometimes certain things she says make me feel useless & like it's another person to add to the list of people who don't care about my feelings, like I'm a robot.

I know I need to tell the doctor. I'll have to write it down as I'll only cry & not be able to speak but I feel bad wasting my doctor's time reading my life story.

I just feel so alone. Just me & my pets.

[HBpencil]

Hello. Please please don't worry about seeing your doctor. You are not wasting their time..it is their job. Hopefully you have a good one who can help you.Your post makes me feel sad because you sound so sad. I don't know the ins and outs of your life but you come across as a good person.

Try not to speak to yourself in a negative context. Something I've always done and there is proof that in doing that we just reinforce the feelings. Try being kind to yourself.

Hx

[Not_good_enough in reply to HBpencil]

Hi, yes my doctor is great. Very understanding, it's just me being able to say what I've kept in for about 30 years.Yeah I'm pretty bad at the minute & keep thinking it can't get worse but it does. Then I think I'm being selfish as there's always people worse off.

Thank you, that's good advice & I have tried it but then the slightest thing can drop me right down again. Think the only answer is professional help.

Thank you for your reply & I hope you are well x

[pinky5155]

don’t follow your feelings and negatives, change them to positives, believe me, I am the most unlucky person in the world, widowed twice, just my dog for company, and very few friends, I accept this and build my own world, around all of this, It’s like having your own forcefield around you, and you choose who can come in, and who can’t, at 68, I find I no longer need anyone else for reassurance.

[Not_good_enough in reply to pinky5155]

It's just hard because I feel so lonely. I've never been married, never had that experience. Engaged twice but never got someone who wanted to be with me forever. I felt more special to my 1st proper boyfriend at 15 than I have with anyone else strangely.

I do try to find positives & do realise there are people worse off but tomorrow will be one of the worst days. When everyone is being made to feel special I won't be. The only good thing will be seeing my daughter get the special treatment so at least that's something.

I just think sometimes I have wasted alot of my life waiting for someone to change when they were never going to & you don't get that time back unfortunately.

Glad you're happy with your wee dog & sorry to hear you've been widowed twice.