Anger and frustration

[En89]

Hello new here just want to vent alittle and see if anyone understands.

I've suffered mental health since I was about 8 I'm 24 now. My dad's a alcholic however not the typical spirit drinking one...

I remember him drinking for as long as I can think I've been in and out of therapy for years I often blame myself for his drinking and feel guilty. He's not the typical he has a good job (a manager) can function which is amazing but it doesn't help the stigma! About 3/4 years ago he had a breakdown and admitted he had problems with alchol. The Dr did nothing no tests nothing or gave him support all they did was shove him on anti depressants... he was sober for about 2 years then started drinking again granted its not daily anymore but it started off 1 day a week then went to 2 now its 3 days a week... I'm so angry and frustrated with him I've had a eating disorder years ago and when they was wanting to admitted me to hospital he told me I was selfish for doing what I was slowly killing myself... but isn't it ironic its what he is doing?! I recovered and woke up and realised the affect it had on everyone not just myself... so if anyone understands recovery it's me!!!! Fact is we don't know how it's affecting his body he never goes Dr's he came of anti depressants 6 months ago said he don't need or want them...

My best friend is dying from being a alcholic he has changed his life around but sadly its to late he is 24 and he has 3-6 years left they predict due to his liver.... my dad knows and seen photos and knew I had been in and out of hosp visiting him I did think it would scare him into rethinking but nope...

My mum and dad are still together I adore them both I feel for my mum she has no life cos of it but loves him and I'd never want her to leave him anyway. I still live at home but it takes such a toll on me I have endometriosis, adenomyosis and my mum has fibromyalgia so both chronic conditions please note only developed few years back... and stress makes us have bad flares...

Bit of background my dad was put in a child's home young his dad died of being a alcoholic (not sure age as he avoids this subject) he has no family apart from me and my mum. I do think it's seemed from his childhood also a ex way way before my mum used to hit him so I think deep down that has a part to play.

I'm just so fed up I've tried so many times talking about my worries he doesn't listen.

Ps please note my dad is not a bad dad at all never has been never will be! He is never physical or nasty but it's besides the point I'm looking at it health wise 😞 I'm just scared to loose my dad like he did his! Even when I say that to him and cry there's no emotion. I hate alchol for taking my dad. I barley touch it because I'm scared I'd end up like it and I want it to stay that way.

Sorry for long post I'm so alone

[Not_good_enough]

Hi, for starters your dad's alcohol problem is not your fault. As you've explained, it's deep rooted to the past with his dad & a bad past relationship. My ex is an alcoholic. He has never & will never admit it but he drinks everyday, even if it's only 4 cans.

My daughter surprisingly wasn't even enough to get him to stop. He is fine if he's sober but a sip & he's a totally different person.

I often offered to get him counselling to sort himself out but because he won't admit he has a problem he won't go.

We didn't work out because he kept accusing me of what his ex done. She cheated on him, even with afew of his so called friends so because he didn't deal with that we were doomed from the start.

Sorry to hear about your eating disorder, I hope you're past that now as you shouldn't be suffering. I'm guessing, eventhough your dad said harsh things about it, that he feels guilty & blames himself for your eating disorder.

So after 10 years I gave up & left him. Our daughter had heard enough bickering which still affects her today at 17 & I'm so guilty for holding on & trying to keep us as a family.

I put up with the mental abuse & some physical just so they could have a relationship but he would always sneak drink & start on me.

Has your mum ever put her foot down with him? Does he think no matter what he does you two will be there?

As we know, alcohol is a depressant. I stopped having a drink at the weekend about 12 years ago. Stopped keeping it in the house. If I found his hiding spots I would pour it down the sink.

Like you, my daughter won't touch drink incase she ends up like him.

Might help if you & your mum see somebody to get advice on how to handle the situation but remember, only he can help himself & men especially don't like to drag up the past.

I know you don't want them to split but I think he needs a wake up call that your mum isn't going to overlook this problem anymore.

I know how hopeless you feel. You'll get to the point where you have to accept there's nothing you can do to change it. You've tried. It's up to him .