How do you support yourself when you suffer from anxiety and people's unreliability cause's you distress?

[Young_wolf]

Hello everyone,

How would you deal with the above ? Some examples of this would be when

Someone tells me they will call, either at a specific time or just at some point that day and don't, or leave me waiting for long periods of time.

Someone tells me there are coming to my home but don't give a time or cannot provide a time or don't show at a reasonable time or arrive at a completely later time than agreed.

This causes me great anxiety as I patiently wait for them to arrive or call. I try to keep myself busy but feel like I cannot relax and the anxious feelings build and build. I start not doing certain task as I think they might call or appear in that moment and I don't want to be in the middle of something. Then I get more and more frustrated as I put things off and they dont appear.

I know i should get on with my day as normal but anyone with anxiety knows sometimes this is just not possible and my question would be if anyone knows tactics around this ?

Just to add obviously I try my best to support myself in these situations and ask for times/dates as I know how I will feel without them but as stated sometimes this is not possible.

Thanks

[Tiggerakafidgity]

Hi young

Wow how distressing this all sounds.

I would say that perhaps if it’s only one person or a few who are just popping in to be social but are known for being late etc then perhaps it’s because there doing other things and maybe it’s not possible to actually give you a time.

I would try not to take it to personally as I’m sure it’s not intended to upset you.

Perhaps they don’t understand your set of circumstances.

Explain to them in a friendly way how it effects you.

If it was a service coming to your property then perhaps they can’t tell you a time.

I think I would perhaps be more annoyed if they said a specific time didn’t turn up not because I was polishing something but because I had an appointment that was important.

Perhaps the trick is to work them around what you do instead of working your self around what time they are coming.

Some times life just gets in the way and life is so fast these days ppl are late,ppl do forget.

Perhaps a trick is that the person who always promises to come around or call you then don’t bother with ppl that let you down all the tine.

[Hidden]

For me personally i dont put up with peoples lack of manners.If i have to wait on someone or they cant bother to call n be honest and say they cant make it,or call n say "sorry i forgot to call"..well 2 chances then Im done.

My time,my life is important to me and so is my mental health.

If your in my life...ur a priority n manners is #1 ..should be equal on both sides.

Anxiety n depression for me have triggers n lessening them equals better mental health for me.

[shai_aizz in reply to Hidden]

Hi. Perhaps they also suffer from Anxiety and they also have their own worries? Why not return the favor and meet them half way through. Instead of waiting for their call, you make the call. make it simple and brief. then if they make excuses that they are busy, just let them go and say you just wanted to check on them and hoping they're fine. Make the first move and see where you stand. Good luck

[Thetealharp]

Hi, I noramly give everyone 5 minutes grace until I message them (if they are coming from far away then I give them more time). I basically expect people to arrive 5 mins either side of the agreed time, if they don't I message and if they can't then make it I say to agree a different time. I find people being late really anxiety producing, there has been a few times where people have be a lot late but it was an important meeting so we had to wait. I basicly just expect everyone to be mostly on time and they know that, and they know the stress it causes of they are late.

Maybe try messaging them if they are late? and also talking to them about the effects on you?

also if they are late just get on with stuff you need to do if they are late and arrive part way through get to the end of a section and then do what you need to do with them?

[MrRigatoni]

Hello pleased to meet you feel for you happens a lot to me so make a rule for my self first put this in a diary.

Bought years ago suggestion a diary by my support worker .

Always use this . In there so any issues with anxiety gives you some reassurance.

Note appointments schedules routines deliveries shopping numbers of support contacts and support if there are in one place.

Then any arguments with those concerned your in the diary. I do say this to those may be visiting going in the diary in red pen.

Also if waiting for some one use deep breathing music use smooth therapeutic genre . Classic FM a good one use this every day have it on now, mornings noon and night.

Have also a range of CD same does help gives you chance to prepare.

Unexpected changes to routines traits of anxiety a common one had this a lot.

Because they are coming to visit your mind is whirring around a thousand times a minutes or seems like this.

My home is it tidy clean am I looking good acceptances perceptions people visiting a concern to me has happened before got my washing out displaying clothes undies have to close blinds if windows open.

Had a house work schedule me scrubbed clean. Nothing worse support coming to visit smelly home unclean and me been not tidy or neat.

Hate if someone turns up unexpected.

Have and do get worked up those that visit part of me.

The situations you may experience the fear of fight anxiety symptoms the ones of a fluttering emotions.

I know hate this myself so made as mentioned some rules.

Other one if not attending or wishing not to come then it is something you may have to discuss with those concerned.

Use a text compose a letter when they arrive give them the letter adding need you to read this.

Or am afraid as bad manners is the always a concern then think do I need this and should consider is it worth having some one like this in your life.

I actually have removed life long friends one particular had enough of being used and abused mentally similar to you.

In fact one year of my life made a list fair weather friends do I need am helping aiding befriending them or they do the same to me .

I do understand this those of my mental health teams past and those certain organisations by their own admission need to text you and tell you going to be late.

If that is something you have and this happens then need to say usually my suggestion a letter know get nervous anxious and all the symptoms of anxiety.

You have done nothing wrong here I am aware of my issues myself and need to be honest open all the time with others.

That is part of my life my time if wasted waiting for those who can not be bothered to help or be appreciative then find those that can be so.

I have a saying need to be with radiators not drains.

Radiators are those that give you warmth comfort reassurance find think of you appreciative, kind and inspiring.

Drains use abuse hurt harm give nothing take not receive and cause unnecessary emotions distress.

Please take care

[Hidden]

People should always give you a time they will arrive to make sure you have nothing else on on that day, or if you need to go out or when someone else will arrive

Generally Health Services make appointments for day and time, they may be a bit late, although I have found they will phone and explain if they are stuck somewhere else or go for an alternate date or time.

Generally if someone can not give a date or time, they take pot luck

BOB

[OR4377]

Hello, new here. It may be helpful if you ask yourself what your expectations are. Is it something that happens with anyone or is it specific relationships/people?