So defeated.

[Diamonddaisy]

Just putting this here. But I hate my life.

This year has been bad EVERY DAY. This is no exaggeration. It's true.

Yesterday was the cherry on the top of everything where my daughter has pushed too far, her language was awful and though I've never smacked my kids I wound up giving her a slap. Her response was to punch me full on which knocked me over. Hit the floor hard and hit my head. Also hurt my shoulder, elbow, knee and ankle. Everything hurts. She's gone to her bf's (she's 17) and won't return till I take my son and grandchildren home, so new years day dinner is now tomorrow so that I can drive the 158 mile trip to take them home on Monday. I'm 60 have anxiety issues and panic all the time, my son is getting dx adhd so he finds it all funny. My daughter has eds and fibro so in pain all the time. I have a heart problem and arthritis. I try to keep going. But. Right now I'm done. I want this week finished and never want to try a family Xmas ever again

[hypercat54]

Oh dear how awful for you. My first response on hearing about your daughter was maybe you should have slapped her before and that might have stopped her dreadful behaviour! To hit you like this from just a slap is abuse so don't stand for it.

I would let her stew where she is and don't change your dinner plans on her account. She will soon come running home when she finds out how expensive life is out there. I would remind her it's your house and any repetition of her behaviour and attitude could result in her being asked to leave. You have to mean it though. x

[Diamonddaisy in reply to hypercat54]

I'm too echasted, my caring roles take up so much of my life and she is a big part of that as she is disabled, her mobility is compromised as she dislocates daily and has chronic fatigue and pain all of the time. Guilty coz it's inherited from me, though wasn't as bad as her. Going through divorce as while I'm doing all of this caring my husband had several affairs, the last one being my only friends daughter in her 20's he's late 40's she's now pregnant and my daughter is also stressing with this. I'm very cautious with her temper, I'm only 5' she's almost 6' and built heavily. It's hard to care for her especially when I have to lift and dress her on her bad days. Don't know how much more I can deal with and physically do

[hypercat54 in reply to Diamonddaisy]

Sorry I had forgotten her health issues. I presume you are the official carer ie paid for it for one of your relatives? Do they get all the benefits they might be entitled to ie DLA or PIP? If so then it might be possible to pay for some care to leave yourself a bit freer. You are in an impossible situation caring for 2 children (almost adults) and your mother, when you yourself need help too. You need to find some help. Can any of your other family help at all? Or how about seeing your doctor? As you are 60 and you are in the UK you can also try Help the Aged, Age Concern etc. and see what they say. x

[Diamonddaisy in reply to hypercat54]

I work part time, just to add to my lack of time. She was taken off mobility when she xjamged over to pip and mot well emoigh to fight it all. She has standard care and money with have foimd I will be worse off if I drop more and claim carers. Np other family help as my 2sisters walked away. One stole all the savings and mum wouldn't get police involved. All came to light after dad dies 8yrs ago. My other sister walked away 2yrs ago as she found out mum's will leaves everything to me and she wound up punching my daughter, dislocating her shoulder over this. Police wouldn't act so she got away with it. So I'm the only one. It's tough and lonely. I work even more ngs so my older lad in his 20's is around after he's finished work to keep an eye on things.

Sorry. My life just is getting me so down I've lost myself in this awful rut

[hypercat54 in reply to Diamonddaisy]

So you don't claim carers allowance at all. I know you can get this and still earn up to £94 (I think that's the current amount). Even if you don't qualify for carers allowance because your income is too high you can still have an underlying entitlement to it. This would mean a raft of other benefits could be open to you.

I don't know if you have looked on the Govt's site but try it on Gov.UK. Like I said also try Age Concern and Help the Aged too. x

[Diamonddaisy in reply to hypercat54]

I earn a little over the 120 limit and know that I will be worse off if I switch to carers. I've looked into it. I get working and child tax top up. It's just my health, plus all the pressures that is getting me so down right now. Don't think I've had a single day without stress or worry or something going wrong. This is what's affecting me. I now don't expect a good day, there's no point as 365dsys of no me time and no sleep due to worries is taking its toll. Gp has referred me to counselling... But..... Been there before several times, doesn't change the fact my life is the way it is with daily stress. Klike kids bullied, schools unsupportive, fuel costs, car breakdowns, etc.

I used to be "the go to" person and very able to help others. Now I can't.. But now when I'm struggling everyone isn't there for me. I know lonlyness is contributing, I never expected to be on my own at 60 raising kids (teens) no friends as I don't have a social life, my work is cleaning, evenings, so that I'm at home to care. Can't sleep due to pain then the vicious circle starts coz once I'm away I think of all the hard stuff and the things I've not done that need done. Then I cry, a lot.

[Hidden]

I think your daughter took that way too far. x

[Diamonddaisy in reply to Hidden]

I know she has, I will admit, I'm now a bit scared of her and worried. Her dad was a bully and guess she sees that as acceptable behavior. My youngest is nervous of her too. He's got sensory issues and stays in his room all of the time, he's 15 he has issues with food and is sickly picking up bugs all of the time so I have letters about his attendance and last time they came to the door and said I may get fined and if I didn't pay then it could be jail I said that's was a good idea as I need a holiday. They haven't acted on the fine. But he's been ill twice this term so his percentage is at the point fot a home visit in the new year again so that's a worry too now

[123ag in reply to Diamonddaisy]

HI there

I can see you have a whole load of worries and stresses in your life and completely understand why you feel the way you do. Surely anyone would feel the same - you have spent your whole life looking after others with lots of different needs and that has become your "normal". It is not normal. It is very, very tough for you which means you must be a really strong person. It is good advice to try and get yourself some help, and I see others have given some good suggestions. Just remind yourself how far you have come and well done for that. Take care x

[Diamonddaisy in reply to 123ag]

Thank you. I feel I'm a failure, I could do all of this but now it's too much. I find I keep asking why I always get the bad stuff happening to me. Why all the struggled and most of all why no-one cares about or for me.

I don't want to continue struggling and if I knew that there was a better time in the furure I'd fast forward to that time. But I also think that this is how my life will always be and now dread every day

[123ag in reply to Diamonddaisy]

Yes it is a struggle but you are NOT a failure! None of us know what the future holds - could be better, could be worse.

When I am at my lowest and everything around me seems to be falling apart I try and find something, anything that lifts my mood maybe gives me a glimmer of a smile. It might be raindrops racing down the window, a pile of clean laundry (job done!) or a hot cup of tea I have just made. But just enjoy it ☺

I don't know why some people have harder lives than others but it is certainly true and it never seems fair. Take care x

[hypercat54 in reply to Diamonddaisy]

Feel like a failure? Wow! I don't know anyone who could do what you do without cracking up. Don't you realise how amazing you are? You would have to be superwoman to be able to cope with all this.

Ring up those companies I told you about and go and see your doctor to ask for more help. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to manage please. x

[Diamonddaisy in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks. I've just done new yrs dinner today as my son is going home and daughter won't come back till he's left. Exhausted and in my head right now, after doing family Christmases fir 39yrs I've told everyone I'm not doing it again. Financially it's stretched me to the limit emotionally I think I need cor. 9yr old grandson with aspergers has had 2melt downs., granddaughters 4,7&9 are all winding each other up. Daughter in law has backed right off.... 3 sons with heads in computers.. No help........... I'm done. Next Yr I'll make sure I'm on my own.

[Diamonddaisy in reply to Diamonddaisy]

I'm actually driving them home so son and two girls tomorrow then daughter in law with other two kids on the 4th. Both journeys will take 4 hrs there and back. I'll have just two days before I return to work. It will feel like a rest then

[art62grammie]

I have children too. I am 56 and not one of them has ever hit me. I have been abused in so many ways since childhood. It was rape by my dad. My two husbands were abusive too. They never hit me though. My father has done lots of physical violence to me during my childhood days. If one of my kids hit me for standing up to them. I would be totally pissed too. My 35-year-old daughter has walked all over me before. She is controlling. I let her know exactly how I felt. She didn't talk to me for a while. OH WELL! She has come around now. I do not give two hoots if she never did talk to me again. I made a stand for myself. She will not control me again. I am living for me finally. If anyone has a problem with that. That is their problem and not mine. I have a sister who is 52. Her 25-old-daughter is physically abusive to her. She has caused my sister harm. I would not stand for that. I would report her if I was her. TOUGH LOVE AND TOUGH SHIT TO HER DAUGHTER. It makes me so mad to think of this stuff. I will not tolerate this from people. Stand up to your daughter. She needs to be put in her place.

[Diamonddaisy in reply to art62grammie]

I'm sorry you've gone through all of that too. My daughter still hasn't come home and hope she is reflecting on what's happened. I thought we were close, my trust has gone. I have just got in 30minutes ago from the long journey taking family home. I was driving on the motorway as new year came in and have arrived to one line of a happy new year wish form her so I just messaged back saying "same, just in from taking her brother home" then got "ok"

I don't have the energy right now

[art62grammie]

Let her go. I know it is had but it is best for you. It is your child so very painful. I had to let go of my two sons. I have the 35- year- old daughter we are close. The boys I had to let them go. I was getting close to the edge and almost going over. One is 32 and in prison six years now for bank robbery. One is 15 and I lost him in the recent divorce. He took dad's side. That caused me so much pain. I had to let him go for me. I have fought very hard to keep recovered from my recent journey to recovery from a lifetime of Anorexia. They will not kill me. Be strong. If you love someone we must set them free. In time maybe they will come back to me. That is for you and me.

[Diamonddaisy in reply to art62grammie]

I truly hope they do. My oldest has just got close to me, though she lives in holland it's been delicate for years as she chose her dad when she was 12 and only found her when she turned 18. She's 39 her brother is 37 and that isn't resolved but he has aspergers and was turned from me by whatever their dad told them. My middle 2 (27&28 are with my one still at home and the other struggles with adhd and has just split with his partner, that's the one the argument was between with my daughter his brother still lives at home as does my 15yr old but spends his life in his room.

Was really hoping the new year was going to be better but now I think now

😢

[art62grammie]

Hang in there, honey. She is disrespectful to you. A slap that you gave her was nothing. She hurt you both physically and emotionally. She is 17 and a lot of growing up to do. She will be ok. You will too. Just live and enjoy yourself. You did nothing wrong. It was needed. She needed a slap to let her know you will not let her be the boss. Don't hate your life. It should get better. Love you and be strong with no regrets with that slap.

[art62grammie]

You have to take that step in your life to make the change. No one can do it for you. No one can live your life for you. Make new friends. Those who don't care about your needs and feelings are not true friends. I recently divorced after 17 years with this man. He only cared about himself. I am 56 and have learned a lot recently. I have suffered from 40 years of Anorexia. I recently recovered which will always be a daily process. The man I divorced was only about him. He used me to make him wealthy. He used me and abused me. He was not physically abusive but very evil. He left me to die with Anorexia. He made fun of me during my illness. He is cruel and only cares about himself. He admitted to this. He told me when I went to a 93 -year- old man who was dying while in the hospital. He told me these exact words. "Good thing there are kind and caring people like you". 'I am not like that". That means he does not care about anyone but himself.

[Diamonddaisy in reply to art62grammie]

He has god to answer to. I have got new friends as I recently found a church that has been very welcoming as I lots my faith many years ago. I am using this hopefully for strength. So far I've had no judgements off anyone it's a small church so my anxiety isn't triggered

My soon To be ex was also manipulative and secretive with money, I always paid out. I lost respect fully, before his affairs when he stole £1000 from his disabled sister who asked for help after a burglary and had found out her sister who had been "looking out" for her had spent a lot of the money she had got from when she had been in the army.

I was in shock that siblings could do that though I've since seen that my 2,now estranged sisters were the same and took 10's of thousands off my dad before he passed away and mum wouldn't contact police as they were her daughters. Neither support me or mum, one left 8yrs ago after dad passed and the youngest 2yrscago after trying to say I was taking mum's money which was disproved saying I'd made her buy my last 2cars and made her but my groceries, my bank statements proved otherwise and the case closed as malicious.

So now it's just me and mum. It's hard caring for her but she's frail and wouldn't want anyone to hurt her and she is very needy and I cook for her daily too