Coming out

[patricia_lafewa]

I want to come out to my dad as gay, but im ******* scared. My anxiety is getting worse and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.

[Annieosb]

Hi Patricia,

Do not make yourself ill over this. There is nothing to be afraid of only fear itself. Your Dad will always love you.....he may be shocked at first but I guess deep down he has always known and perhaps been in denial.

Go for it and be strong.

Ax

[Hidden]

Patricia

Are you UK White or of another Faith etc ?

BOB

[sliverofsilver]

Hi Patricia,

Coming out is a massive thing to do- sexuality isn’t such a big thing, but sometimes people make it define you and your value, which isn’t right. You’re really brave for even wanting to come out.

It’s okay that you’re scared. If you weren’t scared, I’d be shocked. Don’t worry about coming out. I know it’s hard and I know that makes it sound as if I don’t understand, but I do. Just distract yourself. You don’t need to focus on coming out right now. You need to calm down, and get your anxiety under control, because nothing is going to be resolved whilst your brain is whizzing around 1000mph worrying about every little thing and every worst-case scenario.

Read a book, watch a film, cuddle a teddy and/or pet, listen to music, do some housework or just work, anything that’s gonna keep your mind off this until you calm down.

Later, list all the pros and cons of coming out. Not the pros and cons of what might happen- just coming out. Your cons list should not look like, ‘he will hate me’, it should list all the bad things about being out. I think you’ll find there aren’t many.

Then, take a break. Do something you like to do.

After that, list all the worst-case scenarios that could happen on a piece of paper. Cross off the ones that aren’t likely and do your best to put them out of your head, or at least the back of your mind. Something that should be crossed out would be, for example, ‘he’s going to shoot me with a gun and call the police on me and I’ll get a life sentence.’ No. You’re not getting a life sentence for being gay, nor will your father shoot you with a gun.

Have you any people who already know about your sexuality? If not, skip this part. If yes, keep reading. Call up the person who you’ve come out to. If they can come over, great. If not, this still works. If they’re busy, take a break and call back later. With them, see if you can cross out any more unlikely things that could happen.

You are not going to have a heart attack. There’s no use worrying about whether you’re going to have a heart attack, so don’t. You will not have a heart attack. It’s just your brain being overwhelmed and scared and panicked. And the way to fix that, is to just calm down. You’ll be able to think better in a calm state of mind.

I don’t know what the relationship between your father and you is, but if you want to come out, I’m assuming it’s not the worst. He will love you. And even if he doesn’t, (which I’m sure will NOT be the case), we will love you, and so will the other people in your life who care about you. He may be shocked. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean he hates you. It’s something he might not have expected. Just give him time to come to terms with it. Good luck and the very best wishes from a fellow LGBT (who isn’t brave enough to consider coming out 😛)

p.s. I’m pansexual

[patricia_lafewa]

No. Being gay is not the thing making me depressed.

[Iam-warmhearted-curlew]

Hi I'm going through the same thing as u and my grandma is accepting of gays and lesbians but I'm scared to tell her I am a lesbian.

But your dad will be accepting of u I can feel it