Is it ok to just stop and let go for a while?

[Nicolarose]

Hi all,

I’m a bit of a complicated mush head. I have an eating disorder and now quite low (I don’t want to use the word depressed but I’ve been told I am). I know why - I had a miscarriage December last year and I haven’t been able to pick myself back up.

This week has been really tough for me. I’ve been exhausted and struggled to be ok. I’ve been trying to lose weight because to put it simply I hate myself and feel I need to otherwise I’m disgusting and a failure and not worth anything. Yesterday I came home from work knowing I had to go gym and I sat there crying because all I wanted to do was sleep, but I just cried a bit and forced myself to at least do cardio....

Anyway. I’m sitting here and thinking I just need to stop. My head is in such a destructive mindset I feel not forcing myself to worry about food intake or training I’ll feel better. But I panic, because I know I’d probably eat too much and not good food, and I’m scared I won’t train. Even tho if I’m free I probably will go gym because I do love it. But food will defo be too much haha I love it.

What do I do? I’m sitting here after having a bowl of Weetos and toast, feeling bad because I’ve had 1700 cals and haven’t been gym. Idk. What’s better? Let my mind relax and recoup and get fat or stay on track and keep hating myself? I hate this rubbish

[hypercat54]

Why do you hate yourself? What have you done which so awful that you can hate yourself like this? Do you hate other people too?

Are you saying that being overweight makes you disgusting and a failure and not worth anything. I beg to differ. I am 3 stone overweight coz I packed in smoking last year. I don't hate myself - far from it and neither should you.

Are you getting any help with your eating disorder? It sounds like you need to go back to your doctor and tell them what's going on. It also sounds like you are forcing yourself to go to cardio to try and lose weight? You haven't got to do anything which is making you distressed like this so stop forcing yourself and just chill. Are you really overweight or just think you are? Have you checked a BMI site to see?

Oh and in answer to your question, yet it is perfectly ok just to let go and take it easy for a while. I think the less stress you put on yourself the better and the happier you are the less you will hate yourself. x