Pushing people away

[HotMess2]

I feel like I am so worried that people won’t/don’t like me so I try to avoid them. I’m going through a stressful time right now in my mind and I keep over analyzing my relationship with my boyfriend and I keep getting mad over the smallest stuff and crying over everything. I get so mad when he disagrees with me or does things that I don’t want him to do. He tells he’s not a robot and I know he’s right. Whenever I’m feeling anxious or sad about my relationship, my first instinct is to think “maybe he’s not the one and I just need to leave him before he gets sick of me and leaves me” but I know I would be sooo upset if he left me and I know logically he has done so much for me and has been there so much for me. I just want us to be able to be happy and I don’t want to be dramatic over nothing. I don’t want him to get sick of me and leave me.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Hotmess2

Thank you for your message. I am so sorry you are having a real struggle with your relationship at the moment.

Have talked it through with your boyfriend?

It might be worth having a chat with a trusted friend or family member.

Are there other things happening in your life that are causing you to feel this way?

Your doctor might be able to offer you more support.

Our members may have more information and experience that they can help you with.

The topics and pinned posts have more help and information.

The charity MIND at mind.org.uk have a helpline

0300 123 3393.

Please let us know more about how things are for you,

Best wishes

[sweetiepye]

Usually the parameters of a relationship get set up in the beginning and stay the same over the extent of it. What bothers you now, or what you fight about now will be the same 10 years from now. So it might be a good thing to examine how it makes you feel about yourself. Questions I would like to know are how does he make you feel? Is he for you, does he want to see you succeed ? How does he treat his family ? Does he have a good sense of humor ? There are surly many more behaviors to look at, but that should get you started. About avoiding people. The less you avoid the easier it gets. Think about them and not about yourself. Pam

[HotMess2 in reply to sweetiepye]

That’s interesting you say that. I’m struggling with being able to tell if I deserve better or if I just have issues right now. My boyfriend can be very caring and understanding and open but other times I feel like he’s closed off and selfish. My upbringing has caused me to be more on the needy side so it’s hard to tell if what I need is okay to ask for or not. I tried to tell him last night that it sucks sometimes when he tells me I need to go get help for my emotional issues (which I know I do and I am actively pursuing) instead I wish he would just say “I know you’ve been through a lot and I’m going to do whatever I can to help you” and he has told me a lot of times that I can always talk to him but if he’s tired then that is not the case. I feel like he’s cold to me sometimes and he even said to me last night that he thinks I would stay with someone just because they love me and I want someone to love me. And I think he is right that I have been like that in the past and I don’t want to be like that. I really wish he would say, “I know you’ve been through things that make you search for the missing void in your heart and I’m going to do my best to help you with that as long as you’re also helping yourself.” Idk if that makes any sense but it’s just how I’m feeling.

[sweetiepye in reply to HotMess2]

You need to pay attention to your feelings, they are quite valid. Your feelings are yours and should not be judged by anyone else. I give you a lot of credit for trying to examine those feelings and grow as a person. If your bf treats you this way now, how do you think he will be 10 years down the road ? Another question... would you treat him the same if your situation were reversed ? I think perhaps you could check into self esteem issues before you make some life altering decisions. you seem like a strong, smart woman who is just a little unsure at the moment. Don't let anyone undermine you. Pam