I ruined my only help.

[LinYH]

My name is Lin, I am new here and I am looking for help and support for my mental condition. I have been suffering from depression on my own for a few years now, but lately, it just got worse. What was once something I can keep in bay just reared its even worse ugly head. I can't sleep, work, or even do things that I like. All I wanted was to lie down in bed staring at the ceiling, and when I do, I could not help but think of all the worst things in my life and blamed them on no one but myself. I started losing appetite, feeling tired and sluggish every day even when doing nothing. I just ate a small cup of yoghurt in the morning and felt that was enough for me.

I feel sad, angry, and helpless at myself. I never told anyone about this, including my parents, because if I do, I'm afraid of making them suffer for seeing their child mentally ill, and I don't want them to think they have failed in raising their child. I love them, and I love my friends. I shared about this to some of my closest friends, and they were the only ones who knew about my condition. But even that small hope and support I had, I ruined it. I was angry, sad, and disappointed, and I told my friend that she wasn't helping me at all, that she wasn't there for me when I needed it. Now it put our friendship on a strain, and I feel my depression just got worse.

It was not rare that I felt suicidal, I started cutting myself in highschool, and even though I fought it back, remembering my parents and my family. I tried looking up help online, but it felt so painfully hard to do. All I wanted was to get out of this situation. I want to be "normal". I can't stand waking up everyday feeling like this. I hate this feeling. And I wish I can finally get the help I could to start getting out of this hell hole. Because I can't do this on my own. I thought I could, but I was mistaken. I ruined the only help I had, and that mistake ruined me.

[hypercat54]

Hi I understand what you are saying but you can still get help without involving your parents if you don't want to.

Often depression will go away on it's own but sometimes it doesn't and medical help is needed. I would go and see your doctor. x

[chbale]

Hi Lin, I'm sorry to hear your problems.

You've a number of issues going on, I'm not a healthcare professional but have seen these problems from both sides. I really do think you need to see a doctor or at least contact any local helplines or services that are available to you. Helplines can't fix your problems but it's somebody anonymous, caring and knowledgeable who can help or point you in the direction of the help you need. Coming here is a good start.

It seems you have a close relationship with your parents, whilst I understand your reservations, I suggest you tell them what you're struggling with. I doubt they will think they've failed but offer you love and support through all of this. Parents are very resilient people, they might actually be worrying why you're not quite the same person you were and actually want to help. That's what parents do.

I've been on both sides of these issues, I've had no training whatsoever. When you speak to friends or family bear in mind that sometimes they might not quite say the right thing to help, it's difficult for them too. If you can get professional help with love and support from family and friends you are off to a good start. Don't try to deal with this alone. There are so many people suffering with similar issues (this forum wouldn't exist if there weren't) so don't feel abnormal, strange or odd etc, it's common and can be resolved.

I wish you all the very best for the future. Take care.

[Hidden]

Lin

It is very important if you feel Suicidal you need to know where to get help and assistance.

In the UK you can call NHS INFORMATION LINE on Tel 111 or attend Accident and Emergency in your nearest Hospital. The local Samaritans can also talk to you

Whatever you decide because I gather you have not talked to your GP you make an appointment, make a list of your concerns and fears before you go into surgery, this will help you remember all the problems you have and the difficulties you are having

We can give support here if needed

May I ask how old you are

BOB