Feeling depressed with regrets over decisions

[Marc0133]

Ok to start this, I'm a 23 year old male so I'm still pretty young in my life but I still have ton of regrets in my life that is draining all my happiness away.

I've been suffering with anxiety (and maybe OCD) and its definitely held me back quite a bit in my teenage years. I understand those years are where you're not the most developed but sometimes I really wish I developed my skills earlier in my life. For example I love drawing. I drew a lot in my child and teenage years but was never too good at it. And it could've been a great opportunity for me as a teenager to starting developing my drawing skills but I was either too lazy or too anxious that I wouldn't be good enough. Same can be said for my writing. It wouldn't be until 2016 (when I turned 22) where I got strong medication for my anxiety and ever since it got me to draw and write a lot more developing my skills. Once I realised my potential I felt ashamed for not being mentally strong enough to do it sooner. I had so many great ideas to put down but could never do it. I feel like I've wasted all those years being lazy and anxious when I could've gained a lot of experience.

Now I'm so regretful of the decisions I've made I can't enjoy anything in my life anymore and I can't sleep well. I sometimes get angry at myself. I don't know what to do anymore. What can I do to even feel better about this? Thanks.

[sweetiepye]

Are you in school for art or are you self taught? Same question for writing. I am going to speak to you as a former art teacher so I won't be sugar coating anything. When you are an art student and a working artist you learn to take criticism . Very harsh criticism. You won't improve without it. If you like your art work you are probably in the hobbyist area of art. If you get 1 good drawing out of 12 you might be an artist. Most artists can't not work, they have to be drawing, painting, or writing about art. I carried a small sketch book with me every where I went. It seems to me you like the idea of being an artist or writer but not the discipline or work it takes. If you knew a little art history you would be aware of the many artists who started their careers in their 30 &40's . Start looking forward , not backward. I have noticed when I'm not creating I slide into depression. Get busy. Pam

[LindaHannah]

Hello Marco. It is hard going through younger years/teenage years anyway without added in things to deal that take your concentration away. It is good are being treated and there is a positive change, even though it feels it has come to you a bit late.

Have you been able to see where the anxiety stems from, and/or get practical help?

I can understand your anger or frustration though. I think that as you have been able to find more of your creativity in art and writing you could look into what to do with this, whether it is courses, selling and seeing where to get your writing published or test out some writing groups. Whatever you do keep going. The past is what it is. We all have regrets somewhere, lost loves, wishes for......they are a part of life whatever age we are. I have them.

My guess is you are good at what you do, and I hope you will find a route. Let us know if you need further help or support 🖌️✒️