Mental Health Support
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Today My World Stopped, Can't Imagine what to Do Next

Well today my world has fallen apart. I got up this morning to show my husband something on his phone that I had sent him. I picked it up and happened to click on an unfamiliar text message from someone named D***. To my horror he was texting another woman. He had said so many sweet things to her I could hardly believe it was him. I'm totally devasted and heartbroken. The pain is unbearable. 😓

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Time4Grace, I am so sorry to hear of this unexpected discovery. Does he know that you now know? What sort of reaction would you anticipate?

I am startled - do you mean that he does not say the same many sweet things to you? How very sad.

What happens next for you?

Hope you can find support for yourself in order to process something so devastating as this betrayal.

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Hello Time4Grace. Thank you for your post and I am so so sorry for the text you discovered. I am sure you are feeling very hurt and bewildered at finding this message on your husbands phone. What a shock for you and I really do sympathise with you for what you are going through at the moment. I am sure other friends on here will reach out to support you and comfort you. Everyone here will be so sorry and sad for you at the pain and hurt you are going through. Have you tried to talk to your husband about this? Or do you feel you need a few days to try and recover somewhat from the shock of this, before you feel able to broach the subject. I hoe that your faith will give you the courage you need at the moment to stay strong and to keep looking after yourself and your lovely little doggy companion. Looking after yourself and your own needs is very important, so try and do the things you would normally do, as this too might help to take your mind off your hurt feelings even for a short while. Please stay strong and keep believing that your life can and will get better in time. Also , do keep reaching out to us here and please let us know how you are. We will all be thinking of you . I wish you the very very best and you will be able to get through this.Just take a day at a time, a step at a time........with my kindest regards and heartfelt sympathies for you.....take care of yourself.......with very best wishes.....

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Thank you MAS_NURSE,

I see many people have reached out to me here. That is truly a blessing and I thank each one.

Yes, we did have a heart to heart about this after the initial shock . As it turns out this woman was someone he met on FB and hasn't met her in person. He also said he doesn't want our marriage to break up and still loves me. He said he would not text her anymore. I believed him because he has normally had a very kind heart and everyone loves him. Today, I'm finding I'm a still a bit scared. I noticed him active in messenger and called him on it. He said he was talking to a cousin about arranging a family reunion. I "almost" believe that. But, he usually doesn't text relatives, he calls them.

So when he gets home from running errands I am going to ask Him, since he shouldn't have anything to hide anymore because of his promise, if he would show his phone to me. I'm a bit scared. I feel like I many collapse if he won't show it to me.

I made up my mind to put my faith in him and God from now on, but, That's not as easy as it sounds. I'm a very forgiving person, but I am really struggling with this. Prayers for us would be greatly appreciated.

Carol

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Prayers you got it!

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Hello Grace my Indiana friend, I went through a similar experience with my husband a little more than a year ago . I found a journal he was writing with name and dates so I had something tangible to present to him and yet he denied it. I was so furious, and hurt, but mostly worried that a 40 something little tart was after my 70 something husband.. There is no fool like an old fool as they say and I let him know it. I told him to go ahead if that's what he wanted but not one penny of our money would be going with him. We are not wealthy people and what we do have we worked hard for. We've worked on this relationship for the past year and we're in a good place right now. I am glad I made the decision to stay. I will say this to you go or stay you have to be strong and fight for yourself. I tried to maintain my anger for awhile so I wouldn't weaken. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you can make it through. Keep copies of everything just in case. PM me if you want to talk in private. Pam

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Thank you so much Pam. I'm in a waiting mode at the moment, my legs are weak. I'll be back here later.

Carol

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I understand.

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Oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear that! I know how much you were hoping things could work out. Have you confronted him?

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We are here for you! I agree with sweetiepye. Keep copies of anything you can. You have to look out for yourself even if you are trying to work things out. Covering yourself is a priority. I hope Gods will can be done here. He will protect you!

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Hi Time4Grace i'm praying for you now. i've been in that moment and yes its a nightmare. i'm recovered, it's long ago, but think i still have PTSD from trauma. it shakes you to your core and i pray God hold you tight. Blessings

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Hi Time4Grace

I am so sorry to read your post and the turmoil you must be going through. It seems like many of us can associate with what you are experiencing, which is always a shame to read that'll so many have gone through similar experiences but I think the important thing to focus on here is that so many have gone through similar but are all still here to tell their story and show their strength.

I remember thinking I couldn't go on when I found my partner in bed with my best friend, so many questions running through my mind, images, pain, anxiety, paranoia and much more but I'm still here and yes it's a long process and I'm still working my way through it but ultimately I'm still here and everyday I am becoming stronger.

It's your decision as to what to do next and your heart and head will come together to give you a clear answer at some point but whatever you decide to do, do it for yourself, for your wellbeing and for your future. Life can carry on and sometime regardless of where we are in our age, jobs and general life, these devastating moments can take our life's on a more positive turn than expected. Like everything it's just a case of time.

For the fact you are on here reaching out already shows you have strength and are willing to help yourself. Keep it up we are all here for you and all willing to help where possible. I'm more than happy anytime to talk, please feel free to PM.

I wish you much strength, clarity and support needed. Please take care

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I agree with everyone. My heart breaks to hear this happening. I went through something similar with my husband. He stopped texting her when she started asking to come see her, that she had a place for him to stay, she really wanted to see him. He told me of this woman new into town looking for friends and he claimed her told her he had a wife and kids. Even showed me a couple texts from her. I was suspicious at first, but relaxed because he was so open about his "new friend". When he hadn't said anything else and I asked if she had texted. He said no and a couple days later I found what she sent. Before he had referred to her as sweetheart, darlin, sugar.. the sweet names he use to call me but no longer does.

This kind of pain is one that crushes the core. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. It hurts when you see the "honeymoon" phase they are doing to another women when they no longer talk to us in such a sweet manner.

Reaching out here is a good way to find support and get help. I found I was blaming myself for his indiscretion, thinking if I had done this or that or paid more attention to him, his eyes wouldn't be wandering. You are a wonderful person and Important.. do not ever think that this is your fault or this is on you in any way. This is his issue and problem. We are here to help you through this very difficult situation.

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hi that's horrible.i know what your going through it happened to me two years ago and something similar only last week.i doubt my partner has cheated with either but your world falls apart when it happens.im not one for breaking up m6 young family for the sake of dirty txt or emails but you should try confront him with what you know and demand honest answers,

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I have talked with him and he has agreed not to talk to her anymore. When I ask him if he has been good and hasn't talked to her, how do I know when his answers are honest answers? That's what I'm still worried about. How can you have faith in someone after this?

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Have you both discussed the reason why he began this dialogue or more importantly why it was kept a secret? When did it start and how long has it been going on?

Without knowing these things, I would find myself always questioning him as you have described you are already doing? I would think that after a while he is going to get tired of being asked that question.

Have you considered talking with a counselor and perhaps processing the betrayal or maybe the two of you could sit with a counsellor and come to an understanding of why this situation happened. The counselor being skilled in their profession could assist you both with understanding why this situation arose in your relationship.

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Oh my, so many loving, kindhearted people on hear. I appreciate that so much. I'm waiting for the next confrontation. I pray It's not what I fear and only what should be the truth.

Blessings to all,

Carol

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Prayers! I think sometimes people enjoy the attention even though they don’t act on it I guess I truly hope that is the case. My husband I found out looks at porn. I think he has even talked to people online about it. I’m not sure. I hated that he was being pleased by another woman. I just never confronted him. I hope you get the strength you need to work things out.

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I find this true. I think that was my case. He enjoyed the attention, the being "chased" after, knowing he was still attractive, all that bull. I didn't confront my husband either. Part of me was waiting to see if it went further. I pray to give you strength and hopeful wishes that this was just some stupid flirtation. It doesn't make it right in any way. I'm just hoping you do not have to go through any more pain and worse feelings than seeing that horrible texts.

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I to know what you are feeling. I'm so sorry this happened. I will pray you find peace of mind. (Hugs)

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Sunny, thank you so much for reaching out to me. I appreciate that so much. Prayers are definitely needed and appreciated.

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In my experience from my last relationship for this to happen means he's cheating sorry

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Thank you for your reply stormy. I'm sorry you had to experience that. No one should have to. Facing the truth is hard to do, but that's important. He seems to understand my paranoia over this and is trying to reassure me when I need it. I'm going to give it a bit more time.

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Yeah I'm probably looking at it from a bad place as all my ex's have cheated so ignore me

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how does he know her is it through work.did he meet her in a bar or on social media.either way he has to bin all social media accounts change his phone number drink somewhere else depending on how they got to chat.its not really hard to forgive but its harder to forget but if you love him in time you will.its your choice to make I'm sure you will make the right one.

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Thank you Kenster. I appreciate your kind words. He hasn't met her in person. He said they just met on FB. So far, they were just texting, maybe calling. I looked at his phone when he was asleep and didn't see her as a contact anymore. You see, he has forgotten his password in his original FB account so he opened a new one. He didn't add me to that one. I asked if he would c lose that account and he said he would, but It's still there. So, we'll see how it goes. I love him dearly, and he says he doesn't want to break up. That gives me hope, but time will tell.

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You have to do what is best for you. I think that you are communicating is a good thing. There could be a blessin in the lesson. It will get greater later!

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