Christmas Crisis (Nb: long ass read and any advice would be appreciated)

[s0lidarity]

Hello everyone.

Firstly I would like to say I hope you all have had a lovely Christmas as I know times like these are hard for people with mental heath struggles so I take my hat off to anyone who had difficulty, we did it!

Secondly, I would like to address an issue which has triggered off three panic attacks today and I find myself in a very difficult situation.

The problem I face comes from the fact that this is only my second Christmas celebration with my parents being divorced, I find this topic extremely difficult anyway because my mum cheated on my dad, moved in with the guy within 6 weeks of me knowing this, leaving me to explain to my younger sister that they were splitting up. (My mum swore my dad to secrecy which was unfair so I told her because living with that knowledge was unbearable). My mum has recently moved into her second home with this man, so the issue not only is how raw this all is, but how quickly she moved on. Today (Boxing Day) was the designated day for me to see my mum and she and her boyfriend announced they got engaged on Christmas Day (they’ve been together about a year and 5-6 months now). In shock, my sister and I firstly said how on Earth are we going to tell our dad that our mum is remarrying (given when he found out she met someone else I saw him cry for the very first time- I was 19 at the time). The second part of this problem is my dad found out earlier today as well (Boxing Day) that his uncle had passed away on Christmas Day too. So he’s got a rough time ahead of him and it breaks my heart because myself and my sister have to tell him eventually.

Thanks in advance x

[sweetiepye]

Hello Solid, Wow. First of all you can't fix this, secondly, no one knows what goes on in a marriage except the two people in it.Although your Dad seems to be the hurt one and your Mother the happy one , they both have probably been very unhappy for a long time. As there is no going back your Dad will have to move on and I'm sure he would like your support but your little sister will need you and you also need to look after yourself. This will throw you into adulthood like nothing else could. I'm sure you love both of your parents, try not to take sides. That will only cause more pain. The anger you feel toward your Mother may be misplaced and will fade in time. Try to be forgiving and understanding, it will speak to your character. I am sorry this has happened to your family. Life being short maybe both of your parents will come through this with happier lives so try not to let it ruin yours. Remember, your Father is an adult, you do not need to spare him. Pam

[s0lidarity in reply to sweetiepye]

Thank you so much for responding as rapidly as you have I’m more concerned with telling my father the news about the remarriage because I worry about how he may react

[sweetiepye in reply to s0lidarity]

Probably the sooner the better, this isn't doing you any good. Is there anyone who could be there for him? It would be more appropriate if he had a friend to talk to , or a brother. Even your Mother would be a better choice. The adults need to step up, this should not be your burden.