Anxiety about Texts

[sweetatsea]

Compared to the problems others have shared on this forum, mine are minimal. However I think a lot of women could relate, and it would be great to get your input. I have been dating for the last three years and experienced ghosting, benching and all of the above when it comes to today's new dating routines. I want a relationship, but get the whole "I'm not ready for something serious speech" from the first date. Needless, to say dating causes me a lot of anxiety, mainly due to texting and I would really like to know how to control it.

I am currently dating the most amazing guy for the last 3 weeks and his texting today was almost non-existent. There might not be anything bad going on from his end, but I can't help but have very negative thoughts and just feel heartache as if everything was already over. I feel in a "Brace for impact" type of way - which I know is not good. Any tips on how to handle this best? I wish we still lived in a society with landlines were relationships were not "online" and instead were based more on being with the person.

Thank you in advance!

[Hidden]

Unfortunately social media has become an intrusion on many dating/ relationship scenarios, but firstly in my experience as soon as they say not ready for anything serious/ relationship this means they are after just casual and as long as woman go along with this a guy will too and for as long as they can in the meantime us woman are getting feelings but they coz they are upfront about what they do an dont want from the start but if u carry on dating them then they see this as u accept what there offering so basically if its more than casual u want u mustnt continue to date someone who doesnt want more a guy will be upfront if he wants something more serious but also the ones who do lie just to get what they want these are the ones who make us anxious, do u believ in gut feelings ? I certainly do and in my opinion its yr gut feelings warning u! Believ a guy will not stop texting u if he wants u for more than casual if i was u id stop texting him and date others until u feel no anxiety with a guy this is when u no uve found mr right. But also wen a guy stops getting the attention of a woman it makes him wonder what she is upto and why shes not givin this alone is intriguing to a guy .

[pinkplasticball]

I have the same issue as far as expecting the worst, and I think it’s a defense mechanism. It’s how I’d always coped, when they said my daughter may never walk, talk or be able to dress me feed herself, this is what I mentally prepared for. I pictured the worst thing I possibly could, every single day, and I cried for this end result that at that time was only real in my head. Four years later and she is a normal, happy healthy girl, and I look back and remember all the time wasted. All the moments I could have spent bonding with my baby instead of being devastated. All the mental anguish I caused myself - for literally no reason at all.

I guess my point is, even if we instinctively want to protect ourselves from being blindsided by pain, we create this pain first, in reality it does nothing to stop whatever may happen in the future. It doesn’t make the future hurt any less.

So why waste a moment of your life preemptively torturing yourself? If it happens, then you’ll have that time to be sad, and to cry and then eventually heal. And if it doesn’t? Then you’ll have saved yourself that much pain and upset. So for now, even though the unknown may be scary, it hasn’t happened yet. So I would just try and breathe, focus your mind on things that you enjoy and bring happiness, and enjoy the present.

I hope you feel better soon, and everything works out for the best.

[Clarebear86]

I have a very similar issue when I find myself worked up. I usually end up switching my phone off and putting it somewhere. I feel sometimes it’s like an addiction which needs to be managed. So I try to go without it for a while. When I go back to it i’m either disappointed or elated. So it has mixed results.