Aloneness Meets Me at Night

[Veg_Gal]

"Loneliness sneaks in after I come home to my quiet apartment. It brings it's friends of fantasy, shame, negativity, and anxiety. They all come to keep me restless and worried. But now I see I need to accept them as they are. They are a sign of a need my heart is calling for, like a friend telling me get the cure to my pain affliction... "

As a child I would make my own world of friends and excitement to escape the grim reality of my state of mind, my life, and my dysfunction family situation. I hated being where I was but now I see if I had faced myself sooner, I could have more hope and progress in my life instead in escaping. I have a very good life. I work 2 jobs that I like for the must part, always around people, I live in a nice apartment on my own, but lately ive have these traumatic experiences that are hard to explain as I try to go to sleep or read my Bible.

1) I'm still tempted to get into that fantasy world to try to cure my loneliness, but it makes my stomach sick. It makes me shameful that I would imagine life and stay stagnant instead of move forward. I have thoughts of everyone praising me and thinking good of me( seems normal, we all like positive attention..) but it becomes obsessive. I don't want to depend on these fantasies, I want real life and I think it's beautiful. ,

2) I noticed I have images in my mind that will come up. It almost feels out of my control and I don't know what triggers it. I know I control my own thoughts and as I focus on something it will leave. I've witnessed many disturbing things online in the past and it's basically feeling my body parts being ", tortured" or scraped etc. This could be demonic. This could be because of an emotional wound I have and demonic influences come in to hurt me. I don't know for sure. But when I pray( sometimes it doesn't work) or get up and get busy or think positive it leaves me. My theory is that I have stuffed so much inside that fantasy and imagery is how I express myself and how I'm feeling. ( Creative mind you would say?) But I feel lost about my mind in this scenario.

I also have had trouble sleeping lately on vacation . I'm waking up in the middle of the night with a rush of thoughts coming into my mind( fantasies.)

[20Voices]

Some people use dreaming and fantasies as a way to escape and have a break from their problems.

I read as escapism from my problems.

Trouble sleeping is a problem for a lot of people. I don't drink coffee anymore as I found it kept me awake. I started doing a relaxation exercise before I went to sleep at night and I have even tried some deep relaxation audios as well. Now I am using a 6 phase meditation and I find it works for me. I also have an aromatherapy diffuser in my room and use essential oils to help me sleep.

For waking up with thoughts I fill in my journal before I go to bed and I have a pad of paper and a pen where I can write down anything that worries me when I wake in the night. I write my thoughts down and do a relaxing breathing exercise and go back to sleep secure in the knowledge I can deal with my thoughts in the morning.

Maybe you can try some of this and see if it helps.