I feel so suicidal when I'm home. I feel like every time I'm there my mom is there, continuing to make me feel even more suicidal. I want to move out. Every time I have to deal w her bs I just think ab cutting more and more often. The only time I'm not suicidal is when I'm with my practically other sister (she's rly not, just a close best friend). Every time I'm with her I feel like I'm the old me. Like I'm okay with life, and I'm able to get through it. Then my mom pretty much shoves me bk into the car when she picks me up from her house bc she has separation issues. I'm so done with my mom. I wish I could just live w my friend and leave her. Believe me we've already talked ab living together once we graduate high school. I literally just feel so ready to die every time I look at my mother. She doesn't appreciate the fact that I've been trying to hard not to cut .. or the fact that I'm working to train my mind to interpret things differently. Whenever I go bk downhill all that happens is mom gets mad at me. She thinks I'm selfish for being suicidal. Like I don't care ab how she feels or anything when I say that. It's a big fat mess that I'm done dealing w. I'm so over it. I want death to take me so bad but I only stay for my best friend and my sister. Idk what to do. Sorry this is long, I'm just a huge ranter.