Giving up

Hi I'm Sarah. I'm a single mum to two disabled children. My daughter has muscular dystrophy and needs lots of medical personnel care. My son is autistic and hates change in routine. My health has slowly been getting worse over the last few years that now my mother has moved it to help look after the children. She has been her since Christmas and with out her I'm convinced I would of lost my beautiful children. My mum and dad have lived apart so that she can support me. I suffer with depression and have done so for over 15 years. Right now I'm in such a dark place that I'm convinced the world would be better off with out me being a burdon. I keep seeing my doctors and tell them how very desperate I am. They keep saying go away and lose weight. Don't get me wrong I know my weight is one of my biggest problems but if I'm mostly bed bound due to the excruciating pain I'm not going to lose weight by not moving.

I can't get the Drs to understand how very desperate I am

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  • Hi Sarah.

    I had a similar experience in terms of the GP telling me to lose weight.

    I've lost 5 stone in total over a year and my symptoms of depression have gradually got worse.

    I'm going back to the doctors tomorrow as I can't take these feelings anymore.

    I know that feeling and if you need someone to speak to I'll always lend an ear.

  • You are a single mum to two disabled children - that's superhero stuff.

    Seriously, you have so much strength. It sounds as if you are exhausted by the stress of your situation.

    I've been there - my daughter is autistic and recently I've struggled to cope. I have depression and I'm fairly isolated with no family or friends to help. It got too much this year.

    I'm lucky that I live in a remote area as tbh there is more money less people. So health care and social work are excellent.

    The SW dept have been involved since I was last in hospital- last year. Due to my needs and my daughters. They had promised respite care but it came too late. My health took a dip and I'm close to hospitalization again. Hoping that can be avoided as meds just increased.

    However SW now moving from informal to formal arrangements for kids care.

    As a mum I feel utterly ashamed I can't look after her. But, I'm not well at the moment and I need to recover and she needs support so I do know it's the right thing.

    I'm telling you this not to get sympathy but to say I'm in your situation further down the line. And it's ok.

    Speak to your GP. Don't listen to him about your weight - yes try and lose it for health but I don't think there is a link to depression from weight.

    He needs to treat you for depression and not scold you. Try and make it clear how bad you feel.

    If you haven't got SW help it may be a thought now. The SW are there to help and despite fears of kids being taken away that's not their job. They need to support families with special needs like yours. If that had happened earlier you might not have got so low. You shouldn't have to rely on your mum for this service.

    I hope I've not worried or upset you. You have done a great job with one of the worst situations a person can face. Remember you are strong and that depression is a treatable illness. If GP not interested ask him to score your mood- if he does this then clear evidence of depression.

    If you get desperate- post on here, phone the Samaritans - you will be helped through.

    Take care

  • Hi Sarah,

    You are a truly remarkable person, looking after your children with disabilities.

    As you have described it, your health has to be a priority so that you can continue to look after the children.

    I wonder if you have linked up with any of the care communities with a special interest in the disability you describe. These groups often provide tips for coping with the disability, offer personal support for the carers and some can provide respite care for your children while you take a break from your caring role to recharge your batteries.

    What I did when I felt the doctor "didn't get it" was actually book a long appointment and told the receptionist the purpose was mental health related and could she put a note on my file for the doctor to read.

    Prior to the appointment made some notes about what I needed from the consult e.g. mental health treatment plan, what kind of treatment I would like (therapy and or medication), recommendations for self-help and most importantly an appointment for the next visit within two weeks to review my situation.

    If you share your location, you don't have to be too specific, maybe the forum members can offer some suggestions for the care communities.

    Wishing you all the best

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