Finally speaking out.

[manfy]

Hello, I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for many years. It took a turn for the worst when my beautiful daughter passed away aged 10yrs 9yrs ago. I also came out of an abbusive relationship. I am completely alone and very isolated. I can't seem to get the right help from my gp.

[sweetiepye]

Dear Manfy, I am more sorry than I can say about the loss of your daughter. I think this is something you never get over, you just learn to live with it, and focus on the positive things in life. You deserve to find some relief from your illness and I hope we can help you with that. Are you isolated by choice, is there anything you can do about that ? Would a different GP be possible ? If not you might try some online therapy. There are also some books and articles on this site ( to the right on Home screen) if you want to try self .help You can communicate with us any time . You will be getting more responses I'm sure with more support. There are some very kind and knowledgeable people here. It's wonderful you are reaching out, it's a big step. My best to you, I hope to hear from you again. Pam

[Hidden in reply to sweetiepye]

Lovely reply Pam x

[manfy in reply to sweetiepye]

Thank you so much for your lovely reply. I'm trying to find my way around the internet and I will look at some of things you suggested.

Thank you again, it means a lot.

[Hidden]

Hi how awful to lose your beloved daughter and I can't imagine how you must feel. I presume you are at a group practise? If that's the case then you can see any doctor you like.

When you say you aren't getting the help you need do you mean you have been refused meds and/or counselling? The latter is more important as you need to start to work through the issues arising from your abusive relationship, and of course your daughter.

Why are you alone and isolated? is it from choice? Or because you find it difficult to meet others and make some friends? Or some other reason?

Well done for coming in here as you have taken the first very brave step towards getting help. There is a lot of advice and links on the site so have a look around it.

Meantime tackle your doctor and get yourself some help. Stay with us too and we will help and support you all we can. x

[manfy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much for your reply and understanding. My anxiety stops me from getting out. I moved from my area aftery my daughter passed away to escape from my abusive ex. I only stayed in contact with one friend who I trusted, but turned out she wasn't the friend I thought she was. I have no friends now. This is my first step to talking to anyone. Only just getting use to the internet so excuse any mistakes. Thank you again.

[Hidden in reply to manfy]

God bless the internet! You need to start tackling your anxiety issues and I still think counselling is the way to go. You can also look at mindfullness, medition and yoga etc. You can do online counselling as well but you have to pay. You need to tackle it though so you can start to lead a more normal and healthy life. Nothing will change unless you start changing it. x

[Hidden]

Nine years is a long time to get over your daughters death. Your abusive relationship is not unusual, can I ask if the person was your deceased daughters mother. If so that may have caused the negative relationship you suffered.

Isolation is a part of Depression and this can make future relationships very hard to make.

You need to move on from your loss and in a way talking will help you move on family and friends may help with this, although they may look at the time period and feel you should have moved on. One way you can do this is talk to family members and in passing remember the good positive times when your Child was still around. You will of course remember the negativity of the death and it seems you have not been able to come to terms with that period of your Life.

I do not know what country you live in, in the UK I would suggest you ask your GP for a treatment plan of CBT to talk out the distant loss of your Daughter and the abuse you were subjected to with your old partner. Yes a loss like above can take a time to get over although now you need move on and start a new life with its associated challenges. We never really get over a loss, however death is part of life, we all need to move on.

To meet new people look for diversions where you will meet people, take up a sport like swimming, whatever. If you work on a diversion you may eventually find someone who you can move on with, sometimes we meet someone who has had related problems the same as you, Help each other

If you need to chat we are here to help

BOB

[manfy in reply to Hidden]

A life time want be long enough for me to get over losing my girl. Loss is a part of life, but loosing child is excruciating. My ex abusive partner wasn't my girls father and carried on the abuse after my loss. I moved away from that area when I left them and don't really have any friends. This first attempt at making contact with people and even using the internet so please excuse any mistakes.

THank you for your reply.

[Hidden in reply to manfy]

Look up your GP Practice on NHS CHOICES, you will find the list of Your Practice GPs and their Special Interest listed. Choose the GP that Has Mental Health as that interest and see that GP. If you are having problems with the GP you can apply to a different practice on the same page, again choose the GP that will help.

Your GP should help you and introduce you to someone who will understand your loss and help you move on. No-one would get over loosing a child, male or female it is very hard.

Your problem is you need to function in the cruel world, we all need to move on with our memories.

We are all here for you if you need too vent. I have gone through many deaths, granted not children, Death is a very hard fact of life, so it is important you get help

BOB

[manfy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for that advise. I've looked at my GPS and none of them at my surgery have an interest in mental health, praps that's where I've been going wrong. How can I find a gp in my area.

[Hidden in reply to manfy]

Go onto the NHS CHOICES internet page and there is a section on GP Practices, go to the area and town you are in and bring up the Surgeries, choose the new one you feel will help your condition, that has a GP interested in Mental Health, apply to that practice.

One thing people do not understand Patients in practice can use different Partners for different health problems, I see one for general problems and another in the same practice for my PsA.

BOB

[manfy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I'll do that. I'm trying to get use to the internet. I'm so out of touch, but I'm getting there. What is psa if you don't mind me asking.

[Hidden in reply to manfy]

Psoriatic Arthritis.

A skin and joint immune system problem

Thanks, All the best. You know where we are

BOB

[manfy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for all your help today. Take care.

[Finglas-Boy]

Hi manfy & congrats on finding the road to speaking up. Can't in my wildest dreams imagine losing a daughter but wish you strength & fortitude on what must be an horrendous journey. Cannot recommend strongly enough think about a change in GP. I struggled for ages & have now found a wonderful medic. Finally welcome! You've found a group of great folk who will always be available for you as they have for me.

[manfy in reply to Finglas-Boy]

Arr thank you so much. All these replies mean alot.

[mysmugcat]

I wish you the best of luck. Sometimes unfortunately you have to keep pushing to get help from eg doctors, I'm in the UK. I lost my partner almost 12 weeks ago.

I speak to Cruse Bereavement, have you tried anything like this?

[manfy in reply to mysmugcat]

Sorry for your loss. I've left several messages for cruise but had no response. Have you found this site helpful to you. Again sorry for loss.

[Sarah1111111 Ambassador]

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and the experiences you had with your partner. I would keep trying cruse if you can as they are generally quite good. They normally have an email address that you can contact them with if you aren't getting through on the phone. There are also other bereavement support groups, depending on where you live.

We are all here for you so please do talk to us.