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[Jessica547]

How do you pull yourself back from acting out on killing yourself?

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Hi I do it by saying I am not going to do it today and then the next day make the same decision. It usually works for me. I also make sure I don't have the means to hand. Do you have? If you are close to it please seek help asap. Ring the Samaritans, mental health team, go to E and A.etc. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problems. Do you have any family/friends you can talk to?

Are you on any meds? Are you having any counselling? Please don't give in to the urge. I hope this helps a bit. I will be up for another hour or so, please talk to me here and I will try and help you all I can. x

[WhiteAlice]

Jessica547, you put down the object you meant to use & you look up help, as you have done. You seek reassurance of your worthiness. This is the first I've met you. I can't get to know about you if you don't come back, now can I? You are worthwhile. I know the feeling. I know thinking about it for a moment made the pain stop, didn't it? It's an illusion, though. Hang on. Do not give up. I felt just the same. So I started a little exercise. I decided to try to write the note I would leave. It would be a very long note, because I had much to say. So I wrote it over a number of days. That first day the letter was passionate and eloquent. By the third day, the letter was tedious and droned on. I had grown bored with it. I had grown bored with the thought of giving up. I still ache. I still cry. I still feel alone, often, but I haven't given up completely. Neither should you. Come talk to us about what is causing your heart to feel like a heavy stone. Let us lighten the load for you.

[Goldfish_]

Claire Weekes has some good stuff

flowergirlgreetings.com/wp-...

[Muunie]

Hi,

I promised someone I care about that I would go to the ER if I found myself on the brink of doing the deed.

A promise is a promise

[Reposting1]

Find someone you can share your feelings with !

Why do you feel like that ?

Please tell me about yourself . I've been very close myself , quite a few times .

Share some of the pain you're feeling

Reposting1

[Jessica547]

Thank you everyone for the advice and replies. I am giving myself a week to get things together gradually. My story is long but I feel the need to share my life experience with people who truly care, understand, and are feeling the same. I was put on Zoloft in the first grade due to my separation anxiety from my mother. A few years later she was battling Breast Cancer, which came back twice. She was the only person in my life who I was attached to, I never was away from her. In 6th grade she was admitted over night in the hospital, she only told us that it was due to calcium levels and that she will be out soon. Months passed and she was at the point she couldn't make out words, I was watching my mom who was my life dying on a hospital bed and there was nothing I could do. She never told us, but she had terminal cancer at this point. She passed away a few days after her birthday and ever since then my life has been down hill. My dad turned into an excessive alcoholic, he would take his anger out on my brother and I. He beat me many times, verbally and physically and I didn't know why, all I knew was that I am a failure, a stupid bitch, loser, freak, asshole, so be it. My moms side of the family never accepted me because I was the weird goth girl of the family. Also, they were terrified of my father. So I have no family I talk to, only my brother and dad. I am still resentful towards my brother due to the fact he would leave the house while he saw I was getting abused begging him to take me with me, he left without me to go party with his friends. In school, I have been bullied all my life for my appearance and life. I had a group of friends who I thought were there for me, but they ended up talking about me behind my back and later I had found out they just used me for money, food, and my pool. In the winter of 2015, my dad became paranoid that people were following and trying to kill us, that Christmas he tried taking his life in five different ways. My brother found him in the garage, locked in the car, with the gas going for hours on end. The police said he had minutes to live and if my brother never woke up we both would have been dead as well. He was in and out of the mental hospital, always coming back with alcohol, numerous times I saw him being tackled by cops, screaming, and threatening to kill them. Over time he was back home and was good for a while, then he went back to the bottle and has been drinking and chain smoking ever since, getting worse and worse. There was hope though as I found a man who truly loved me for everything I am, shared so much in common, and would put a smile on my face every single day. We dated for a year, until he got tired of my depression and anxiety and left me in a blink of a second. That was the end of the road for me, I lost my body as I gained weight and lost muscle when I was with him and two months after the break up. I feel disgusting and the man I am still in love with is now with tons of girls, happy as ever. I had my stuff packed to leave my home as I am tired of my dads 24/7 drinking and crying. Now I am stuck here, stuck in this body, stuck in this life absolutely alone. I have utterly no one, no family that talks to me, no friends, and no stable household life. I am still so in love with my ex, I wanted to have our children and a beautiful marriage. My ex even told me we would name our little girl after my mother. Now that's all ripped away from me, and I feel like I am closer to death every single day. I am at total piece with the thought of dying, no more pain, no more abuse, no more looking in the mirror and wanting to cut my fat off and wanting to hurt myself for the way I look, no more being in love with someone who will never love or talk to me again, no more anything, just death. But something in me is telling me to give my life more time. I am so sorry for the long message, but I just needed to share things and my thoughts. I have been in and out of therapy since grade 1, it doesn't seem to help at all.

[jess_123 in reply to Jessica547]

I never thought I could relate to anyone so much. Please help me. Has anything gotten better? My ex said the same sort of stuff to me then the day after I try to end it all, on 1 yr date he leaves me. His family was my family and now I have no one, what do i do?

[JDJ23To28AND1-2]

When I felt suicidal, I Went To The Nearest Church, And Just Kind Of Was Around The Nice Caring People. I figured, If I Was Around Other People, I Wouldn't be as likely to kill Myself. Also, If stuck by Myself, I Would Pray To God, The One, Out Of The Holy Bible, And He'd Always Give Me A Way Out Of the temptation. For Me, I Had To Learn To Be Patient, And That the pain wouldn't last forever. Nothing was too great For God To Restore. Also, I Found Poetry (Free Flow), And Colouring, Writing, And Drawing, All Good Outlets, Therapuetic, Poetry Healing. I Write Songs Too, Haven't published anything yet, But Find I'm Encouraged To Get Back Up On My Feet, And Do Some Work, For Good Causes.

I Am Praying For You, Good Things For Your Life, And That You (Keep Living).

I'm not on Here Often, But I Hope This Helps. There Are A Lot Of Helpful And Understanding People On This Forum, Who Go On Here A Lot More Often Than Me. Hopefully They'll Be There For You, A Lot More Often. Just Keep Being Patient, And Reaching Out. The pain Will Likely Get Resolved eventually, and be put to somewhere else, So You Can At Least Function Again. ... For A While At A Time... Sometimes, You Will Need Time To Cry, To Work Through Your Feelings, And Thoughts, Best Done, Where No One will pounce on You... You May Have To Get An Apartment To Yourself, To Be Away From that situation. But If You Can, Somehow, Eventually, Maybe With Outside Help, Reconcile To Your Dad, Or Your Brother, And They Heal Too, Possibly Years Down The Track, You May Find You Have Them Too, Later On ... But For Now, I'd Say You Need To Find A Safe Place, Where There Is Access To People Who Accept You, And Everything About You, And Are Consistantly Supportive. You may have to Try, More Than Once, Many Times... There's no shortcut, that will just make the pain go away. ... Remember That.

And, If You Can Find Some Encouraging Music, You Might Want To Listen To That, when You're feeling down and out ... WITH SAFE LYRICS ... I Hope That Helps You, Your Life Doesn't have to be all down and out, ... but if it is, and It's beyond Yor Control, Just Wait For It To Get Better Again.

Much Love,

Jessica D. Johnson

-Hey, We've Got The Same Name! ...