could I be depressed?

[claraj30]

hi.... I'm 30 years old and for a while have been experiencing low moments and feeling really down.. I have 2 beautiful boys and I'm currently in a relationship with the children's father.

My relationship hasn't been the best since having my boys, and I'm not blaming them for a second! home life is hard my boys are 15 months apart so you can imagine they can be a handful at times. Me and my boyfriend both work, I work part time/3 days. We don't have much of a conversation when it comes to my boyfriend coming home from work, just the usual 'did you have a nice day' 'what do you want for dinner' Sex life isn't great either, if I don't instigate it, it doesn't happen. So as you can imagine, it makes me feel unwanted, repulsive, unattractive... We barely have sex at all..

Work life sucks at the mo, I suffer from psoriasis and the medication I am on can suppress my immune system, so I have recently been off work with bugs, tonsillitis. They are not supportive in any way and i'm now about to have my 2nd hr meeting for being absent off work.. They have also been pushing me and pressuring me into sorting out other childcare options, As at the time my mum had my boys 2 days a week and couldn't sometimes have them if they became ill. so then I had to take emergency leave at work..

I have now resolved this where my boys are at nursery 2 days a week but this still doesn't seem to be good enough for me employees! My appraisal is due at the end of this month and ive been working my arse off, doing everything my boss's ask of me and this still isn't good enough! They are always negative towards me, and never have anything positive to day! I now dread going to work....

Financially its a struggle, ive got myself in debts with credit cards trying to pay for bills and my children. my boyfriend helps when he can, but has his own bills to oay on the house and also maintenance for his son who he had from a previous relationship/.

And now to top all of this off, last Tuesday I had a car accident where someone drove into the back of me at a speed of about 30/40 mph, i'm in bits. everyday is a battle where the pain in my back and neck are getting worse by the day.. I'm trying to hold it together but i'm struggling... Work haven't been sympathetic towards this either and expected me in work the day after the accident! Then pretty uch made me on the spot tell them i'd make the time up this week, not even knowing how i'd be feeling. I feel I have to go back into work tomorrow, because if I don't that will give them yet another excuse to give me a hr meeting and try and get rid of me..

I am at breaking point, and feel completely useless... Everyday I have no energy, and having 2 young boys I need all the energy I can get. I feel worthless, sometimes feeling that they're and everyone else is better off without me..

I don't know what to do! Someone please help me...

[WhiteAlice]

Clara, breathe. You're dealing with one thing on top of another. You should see your GP at least about the pain from the accident. Make sure you don't end up with complications down the road. Is the bf helping with the kids, at all? They are his children, too. He could help at least find alternate child care. On top of it, he's taking you for granted. Medication you're taking and stress are overwhelming your immune system. Time to make some changes. Maybe a new job? Maybe lay down the law with the bf? As the stress hits, talk it out with us.

[claraj30 in reply to WhiteAlice]

I've just been prescribed some stronger pain killers to try and ease the pain. My bf is helping when he can,but when it comes to childcare it makes sense for me to take days off work as he gets paid more which means he would loose more money than me!

the problem I have too is my family relie on me alot when there are family problems so it makes it very difficult to speak to them about my issues.and the problem I have with my job is that they are flexible with what days I work and the pay is good.im worried I won't find a job that will pay the same and be as flexible.

[WhiteAlice in reply to claraj30]

Sounds like you take care of an awful lot of people. Who takes care if you?

[claraj30 in reply to WhiteAlice]

that's a good point!... I know my family and bf care, they just have their own issues to deal with I guess.

[WhiteAlice in reply to claraj30]

Remenber, in an emergency on a plane you have to put your own oxygen mask on first, before you can help anyone else.

[Hidden]

Hi claraj30 nice to meet you and welcome to the site. Can I take this opportunity to ask you to familiarise yourself with the Community Guidelines please. You will find them on the right under pinned posts. Thank you. x

[claraj30]

I have read them thanks!

[Lx91]

Hi Clara.

Can you not get a sick note from your doctor to take some time out to rest your injuries so that you don't make them worse and to have some time to think and sort things out in your head. Maybe write things down, much like you have here, that need to change or be improved. You've already taken one step in sorting out reliable child care, they should appreciate that as it will be an added expense to you. I often find in a job the more you do the less you're thought of, seems like the harder you work they always want more (or maybe this is just me being miserable!) I think you definitely need to take a step back to assess everything that is going on. Does your partner live with you and your children? Is he supportive of how you're feeling or do you have close family/friends that you can discuss your worries with? Sometimes just speaking to someone with a different perspective might give you some ideas of how to make positive changes. I'm sure your partner loves you very much and your probably both tired from working and looking after little ones hense the lack of conversation and sex. Could your mum have the kids one night so you could go on a date night and have the place to yourself, I think sometimes we have to remind ourselves why we fell in love with someone in the first place. I don't think you are depressed I think you just have a lot going on at the moment and your minds going round in circles trying to sort things out.

Take care, sorry I really rambled on then!

L x

[claraj30 in reply to Lx91]

I could get a note from the doctors, I'm just worried as I have already been given a hr meeting through work and feel that if I get signed off they will then hold that against me! As for childcare my mum already has them 1 day a week and she also has her own issues and works 2 days! My childcare is ok now its just ky work are trying to make things difficult for me. My mum would have the boys so we could go out,but whenever I mention going out it cones down to money with him!

[Lx91 in reply to claraj30]

They don't sound like they are a very understanding company, I take it it's a large business? If you have a proper doctors note they shouldn't be able to query that really. It sounds like you are a very caring person that puts everyone else before yourself (family, boyfriend, work) maybe you just need to take a little time to be selfish and look aftee yourself if only for a few days. Shame that your boyfriend won't go out cos of monet but there must be something you could do cheap or free, anywhere nice to go for a walk, have a movie night...? He needs to be putting some effort in to. Have you spoke to him about how you're feeling...

L x

[claraj30 in reply to Lx91]

I'm the type of person who let's everything build up and then let it all out like a raging loonatic haha.

he does try to help sometimes,but I dont think he fully understands the extent of how I'm feeling. He's a typical guy who doesn't really know how to deal with emotions. I will try again this week to mention about going out,

yes its a big company!.. They're not understanding at all abd feel the best way to deal with the situation is to slam all these hr meetings on me. I think my only option at the moment is to get signed off and try and rest! I'm still in lots of pain after my accident and that is also having an effect on me as I'm not able to go about my daily activities as I usually do. And with having two young boys they need their mum

[Lx91 in reply to claraj30]

Haha you sound exactly like me...I let things build up and then my poor husband will end up getting an earful for no reason and we end up arguing, thankfully he's really supportive of the fact he knows I'm ill and when we're finished he's like do you feel better now...he kinda knows I need that argument to clear my thoughts! I would definitely get signed off cos I don't see how work can complain then because it's not you saying you're ill its the doctor saying you're not fit to work (I feel really lucky with my employers after hearing about yours!) Then you will have time to get better physically, have some extra time to spend with your lil ones which will probably make you feel better and work out how to prioritise things and what you can say to your boyfriend to try and get some extra support. Your mum sounds like she helps alot, I hope you have spoke to her about how you're feeling. I know sometimes you don't want to...I didn't for months...but when I did I felt like a weight has been lifted cos everyone knew why I was being a moody cow and it felt nice having extra support from people. It's just such a shame you don't have a group of girls that you can have a good moan to, to get things off your chest!!

L x

(Rambles on again, I really need to learn to shut up halfway through my replies!!)

[Clazzy78]

You are juggling too much!

You need a break! If they are a big company what's the issue with having some time off work? You say the pain from the accident is bad. Have you had it checked with an X-ray and such?

Please take the time off you need from work. It really sounds like your body needs a rest, especially from the car accident too.

Do you take any medication for how you feel? Have you told your GP?

My immune system is bad because I got so exhausted from anxiety and lack of sleep with my twins.

I always feel a little better when I've had a chat with my GP.

Much love ❤️

[claraj30 in reply to Clazzy78]

where I've been off for other reasons with work I'm being hit with hr meetings, I'm worried about losing my job!!! I've had an x ray that came back fine, I'm on coidine, and naproxen but they're bot doing much for my pain. I've got to have a medical such the solicitors are arranging.

its also hard to rest as I cant always get people to help me out with the boy's.