Tired of the fight - a poem

[Satsuma]

Tired so tired of the fight

I see no light

Yet I try with all my might

A fair way I have travelled

I dislike this flight

Into the unknown

Here we go again

I am sick and tired

Of all this pain

[Satsuma]

Sorry people my depression is rank I know. How far can I go ? I just do not know. I find I am waiting again for help .. Wait for this and wait for that .. Waiting for the end basically and it can't come quick enough.

Enjoy yourself they say .. Fight the demons . You are a long time dead. What is the point of enjoying myself cos we are all going to die one day ? I did not ask to be put here. It has been one huge nightmare. I simply do not know if I can face another day.

[Matrix in reply to Satsuma]

Hello , that sounds like the depression talking and i hope you realise that . I know it's hard but you will come to accept it once you have got your depression sorted properly , please go see your dr . I have had extreme pain from being. 12 years old and now 63 and I have sat where you are and I have brought up 3 children when I was really poorly .If I can do it then I know you can . Please let me know how you get on

, I will be thinking of you .😇🙏🏻

[spykey in reply to Satsuma]

Hi Satsuma

Sounds like you are going through a tough time at the moment especially with all the waiting! Like you said waiting for everything can be frustrating! I've had mh problems since the early 90's and it took a while to get a support network in place! I won't say it's easy to wait cos it's not! When you get your Cpn and get a support network in place, I hope & pray things improve for you. When you get your cpn don't let them fob you off with having to go here there and everywhere to see them! If you need them to come to see you tell them. Don't be scared tell them! However, if you have been stuck in your house for a while you may need to get out for a short time even an hour to see your cpn. Only you truly know what is going on inside of you & what your needs are, but keep talking & sharing, I know I'm new & don't know everything you have been through, but with your poems and posts, I feel you have an inner strength. Taking a day or hour or even 5 minutes at a time, you are still fighting

Satsuma you are not alone & from the posts in the forum you will never be alone! I don't know know you that well, but I want you to know I am with you & there for you too!

Take Lots of care of You.

Spykey

[Satsuma in reply to spykey]

spykey Thankyou for your input. I feel alone even though I am not cos of all you lovely people. I am tired but I guess depression does drain one considerably. Smoothie slurping just now. Feel I can stomach these more than eating fruit individually.

Yesni have never had a cpn before so it is all new to me. I guess I would not of been allocated one if they think u did not need one. It is desperate times just now. How long do u have one for ? As long as u need one I guess which could be any amount of time or do they say the time limit ?

[spykey in reply to Satsuma]

Hi Satsuma

I know what you mean about feeling alone. If I didn't have my cats there would have been many days I wouldn't have got out of bed! It can be hard feeling alone. even when the world is so full of people out there! They just don't understand as they get on with their busy lives! But, sometimes you have to let people in to support you! No one can be there if we put up a brick wall to stop others getting in and so they don't always know the real you! I know it's hard! There is a our protective shell that we use, but sometimes I don't even know who I am! I sometimes get scared of the real me, so I feel alone, but for an some days I want someone to be there, listen, or answer the phone, other days I want to just curl up with a hot water bottle & wish the world would go away! Each day is different! I never know how I'm going to feel when I wake up! We are all unique and can be to the world who we want to be! I believe we are all special in one way or another, and that includes you Satsuma! I know it's hard when someone says that, but I genuinely mean that!

As far as the Cpn goes I have had a Cpn for quite long time, but I guess it can depend on the person or the health authority, there are politics everywhere and what their rules & regs say! I know it can depend on what your postcode is sometimes! Sorry!! Sometimes it's the way things work! I hope & pray you get one like mine who I can phone when I'm struggling & if she will always call me back as soon as she possibly can, & takes note of personal difficult times I have during each year, and if she can't get to see me she will always phone to see how I'm coping! Take Care Satsuma. I am praying you get through where you are at, a day at a time, but that you will get through these rough times.

[Satsuma in reply to spykey]

Thank you Spykey. I have been sitting here thinking of you all and I have had my head thick with words and I compiled them into a status .. Wow how cool is that. All you are giving me hope and inspiration and for that I am truly grateful

[Satsuma in reply to Satsuma]

spykey Animals really help us so much

[Hidden in reply to Satsuma]

Hi Satsuma, You know many people on here are here for you and want you to feel better.

I know the waiting is awful to get the help, but please remember we are here for you when you need to talk. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

I personally have valued your comments on here and they have helped me get through the bad days.

Yes, it's frustrating to hear the comments about doing something enjoyable or even someone tell you to smile when you feel so low. But, your time is worth being hear as you've helped me as I am sure you've helped others.

To me that is a precious thing.

Please take care of yourself and get in touch if you need to talk.

X

[Satsuma in reply to Hidden]

Hidden Wow have I really helped you ? Thankyou .. I find that you all have helped me but not the other way around. See I don't value myself do I ? I have a long way to go. I have always felt a hindrance and with what i have on my plate at the moment has made me sink i guess.

[Hidden in reply to Satsuma]

Yes, you don't value yourself and you should. I was like that last year and way too tough on myself.

I think you are too tough on yourself as well.

We all help each other here and you should look at all the thanks and complements you've received. You'll be surprised.

When you are on a low it's easy to forget the good you do and the things that you do that are good and that are helping you to improve.

We all need support at times, but we still have so much that we can offer as well.

You are at a low at the moment, but you are still helping people on this forum. So I can see that you are a good person and you care about others. You need to care about yourself as much as you do others.

Kind of back to my mantra that I tell myself everyday. "Don't be so hard on yourself". Sometimes I need to repeat it as much as 100 times in a day.

Take care.

[Satsuma in reply to Hidden]

Yes you know I have to again offer thanks to you and you have got me in one yet I have never met me. Wow. I feel kind of positive today and I intend to keep it up for tomoro when I wake. I deserve so much more than this negativity that I am bestowing on myself because of unwelcome words projected at me via various sources .. I will tell my story .. Wow I am actually sweating now which is kind of strange. This could be a sign that the crap is coming out of me

[Satsuma in reply to Satsuma]

Hidden forgot to out your name

[Satsuma in reply to Satsuma]

Put not out haha

[Hidden in reply to Satsuma]

Ha ha.

[Hidden in reply to Satsuma]

Start your day with a positive statement and you know what you've got enough issues to deal with without listening to negative comments and being tough on yourself.

Argue with that negative voice (or in my case it was voices, hence the name. ) It may laugh at you but tell it to get lost your not listening anymore.

You are a fighter and you can do this.

You know where I am if you need to talk.

So glad I was able to help.

Don't give into those negative words. I am joining you in that fight at the moment. Seems like every move I make to move on with my life my ex is determined to try and put me down. I am lucky to have a support system that is helping me through it and I feel like I need to spread that support to you guys as well.

I am determined not to got back to where I was at the start of this journey. It's so easy to give in to the pull and negative comments, but we are all worth more than that. Well, I believe that anyway. There is enough hate and misery in the World time for some joy and positivity.

Take care.

[Satsuma in reply to Hidden]

I think what us kind of people take we give back in the way of healing. We know what it like to suffer and so want to eleviate it from our comrades. We must also remember the vindictive exes are so not happy in their lives that they have to have a dig in ours. Saddos they are. Let their jibes rebound. In one ear and out the other.

[Iluvhorses]

Nice.

[lin62-65ze]

I really feel for you, you must know that people on this site are rooting for you. Please get some medication then see after a month how you are feeling, pester the doctor ask to be referred if you feel you need to talk to someone, life is precious, Do Not give up. Everyone of us has an inbuilt will to live, all you have to do is find yours. You WILL overcome this. Look what Matrix wrote, she was able to be strong, we are all thinking about you. Let us all know when you start to feel stronger 😊😊xx

[Satsuma in reply to lin62-65ze]

lin62-65ze I Thankyou for your reply. I will get stronger ... Watch this space

[Satsuma]

Am awaiting help folks. Thank you for your replies

[Luckyring199]

I know the minutes that feel like days, the step that feels like a marathon. Baby steps, tumbles, tears, needing...just one more step. Lie still...its in your mind...let it wash over you without drowning you. The more you fight, the tighter it grips.

Others are right, it depends on where you live as to the help you get. Some places are much better than others.

Thinking of you...hope your help arrives soon.

❤️

[Satsuma in reply to Luckyring199]

Luckyring199 Oh yes the minutes are long and hard. I know about the tightness. When it strikes it is hell on earth. I will not give into it. It will not win me.

I realise the area matters as to the help you get. Strange. Depends on the council I think.