Hi needing hand holding today . Have had s very bad year since diagnosed with underactive thyroid and docs not picking up on symptoms . Not getting stabilized . Then suffering anxiety depression which was prob always underlying but I pushed it away for sake of my little one . Put up with no help or emotional support from the most selfish man I know who expects his dinner to be handed to him no matter how unwell I am who doesn't phone or text me or ever give me hugs . Who won't even sit with me to watch tv . All wrong I know . I need kindness and love and respect . After fighting for past year to get well it doesn't take very much to knock me bk . I have a tooth abcess last 2 days feel very unwell and heavy period . But it's the crying spells and the feeling im bk to square one again and not having anyone else in my life to help me wen I need it most . No one cares really . In a lot of pain lying down can't distract myself or get out of this zone tday scared about my health all the time sorry for rambling I needed to tell someone c

16 Replies

  • Hi Andypandy and welcome. I'm really sorry your feeling sick and down in

    The dumps. A tooth access is unbearable and drive anyone around the bend.

    Add together that and Depression and you got a right mix which makes us

    See everything as very negative.

    Now you say your partner expects his dinner handed to him, it's about time you

    Stopped pandering to him if you genuinely feel that it's all give and no take. Would marriage counselling help or does he have any good points. Anyway I know it

    Helps us all to let rip and say what's on our mind, Look after yourself and try

    Putting your needs first for a change and then you won't feel so resentful, and maybe

    Your partner has no idea how bad you feel, no one can read minds , so when your over this bout, I think you need to sit down with him and see what can be changed

    To make your life better, because deep down I'm sure he wants a happy partner



  • Hi and thank u for your help . I know I feel resentful . I have for a long time . I just see him as someone who lives in same house now and it's his fault that things have got this way he'd be happy living like this for rest of his days . Not me tho . I will sort that out wen I feel up to it I am struggling tday as I feel so down and scared all my hard work has gone to pot . I have faith and pray this abcess goes away and I can stop overthinking everything and getting in such a state . I really think I find any bump in the road makes me afraid of going bk to that scary place and I don't want to as I know Iv had some good days I just can't remember them wen I feel this bad . Hormones are prob mAkin me very emotional too the docs said im ? Perimenopausal so after years of hoping for another little one I see a very dark future x

  • Hi why do you see a very dark future? Ok you wanted another child but you do have the one which is far better than none.

    It sounds like things are conspiring to get on top of you. It's bad enough to be suffering from depression without all the other stuff too isn't it? When I was premenapausal I was told that it didn't create new problems but did make existing ones worse. I found that to be very true and I think a lot of it is your hormones at the moment. Don't forget the menopause is akin to adolescence where your hormes are running riot, but the good news is it will eventually pass, In the meantime how about going on HRT? I resisted it for ages but eventually gave in and felt much better.

    It is wonderful when you finally come out of the other side. It's like getting your life back. It doesn't mean you are any less feminine you know though many women do think like that. You are still you but your moods will be a lot less up and down. x

  • Thank u coughalot yes bit of flooding at min last episode in December scared me silly . They said hormone imbalance then so Thot I cud handle next time it happened . Now this abcess so painful and swollen . Yes really think Iv akways fought depression . Something was always looming about but I never gave it notice until the thyroid upset last year caused a big spiral . Will I never get back to the person I was it's the overthinking the health anxiety the agorapjobia and anxiety it's all so horrible and hard . I just want to be normal again . Xx

  • How long does the perimenopause last ? How do I put myself first ? And yes I am so blessed to have my beautiful child wish u cud be the happy go lucky mum I was tho xx

  • You CAN be happy again but you must take care of yourself. You can't ignore the abscess, I hope you're on antibiotics because that's very serious business. Have you also seen a Dr. about the depression? Since you say it's been around for years, that's an indicator you need medicine. Anything longer than a few months and you're talking about a chemical imbalance and not a situation that will pass.

    You also have some situations that need addressing and you already know that because you've said so. A man who isn't really concerned about your welfare...or maybe you need to give him a fair chance to hear you out and try to understand? You wanted another child but can you be happy that you do have the one? And these things can improve when you get an antidepressant working for you...they'll look much better to you and so will your future.

    Some counseling will probably help you quite a bit. Possibly with your man, but definitely for yourself in regards to the depression and coping with that. You can be feeling a whole lot better in a few months from now but you need to start the ball rolling! I wish you the very best and would love to hear back from you.

  • Hi suez thank u for taking the time to reply . My doc started me on sertraline in June last year . I went thru a horrible time adjusting to these I stRted on 50 mg and am now on 75 mg . Yes u have a point as doc says I can increase if I need to . I know there will be rough times but I have no one. I do think I'f I had the right support I cud cope better with the bad times . Like now wen Iv this abcess . Yes I went to dentist even tho I rarely go out. Due to anxiety . On antibiotics she's sdvised taking it out . So worried about that . As this was the initial trigger for everything last year . I know Iv alot to deal with and sort out . I know I can't wait about for someone to look after me . I know I need to care for me in order to look after my wee one I just don't know where to start and what changes I need to make . I akways looked after everyone else .

  • I'm so sorry you have no one to support you. That's a very hard road to walk. Can you lean on us here and feel you have some support? I don't mind at all. I'm so glad to hear you're on the sertraline/Zoloft. It can be rough adjusting to it in the 1st few weeks, but it's often so worth it once you get past that point.

    Please don't let anything get in your way if you need to pick up the phone and tell your Dr. about feeling worse and thinking you may need an increase in the sertraline. This is where you have to stand up for yourself because no one else can do it for you, even if you had lots of support. The report on how you feel has to come from you.

    I think if you get that increase in the sertraline, you should feel better quickly because you're already on the drug, then you may not have the trigger of problems happening if you get your tooth removed. It's definitely a high probability. If I was you this is where I would start doing something right away.

    I am mothering you here in recommending what steps I think you should take for yourself. It's up to you whether you agree or not. I know it's really hard for you to go out and have appointments and I hope you do anything by phone as much as possible. I am very concerned that you need to feel much better in regard to your depression and the tooth abcess must be taken care of. Your whole outlook on life will probably improve greatly when you get an increase in the sertraline. It's worth a try, so please give it a call to your Dr. and let him or her help you. Keep in touch so I know how you're doing, okay? :) :) :)

  • Thank u so much I so appreciate ur kindness u don't realise how much . So do u think increasing the Sertraline wud help me cope better in times like now I have the tooth pain which is awful tday . Tho Iv only just taken 6 th dose of amoxicillin I really Thot swelling wud be down more . And pain away . I do worry a lot about my health so I need to learn some sort of coping mechanisMs for that . Dr did suggest I cud always go up to 100 mg on the sertraline if I needed to . I do feel very low weather it's the tooth being on antibiotics low in iron hormones or thyroid . I really don't know . Just want to enjoy life again and cope better with the stressful time xx

  • Let's look at your big've mentioned that you have the following:


    tooth abcess

    clinical depression

    anxiety/agoraphobia/health anxiety

    possible iron deficiency


    It's no wonder you're feeling down!! Give the amoxicillin only into tomorrow to improve quite a bit because you've got to contact your doctor if it's not working by tomorrow because tomorrow's Friday and then you probably can't get help so easily due to the weekend.

    Were you depressed, anxious, agoraphobic or obsessed with health anxiety only during the tooth abcess time or did it begin before that? If you were fairly stable before the abcess occurred, stay at your current dose of sertraline. If you had these problems well before the tooth abcess occurred, go ahead and bump your sertraline up as your Dr. said you could. Then call in to the Dr. just to let him know you did it because you'll need a prescription sooner on the higher dose.

    After a fair trial of this 100 mg of sertraline, you should note if you still have health anxiety or agoraphobia. If you do, you may need an antianxiety drug along with the sertraline. You could ask your Dr. about this. You probably know counseling can be a big help with this.

    Are you receiving iron for the iron deficiency? How about levothyroxine or synthroid for the hypothyroidism? These need to be treated also. Your diet can help with the iron deficiency somewhat, but usually not all on it's own.

    Are you receiving HRT--hormone replacement therapy--for the perimenopause? It's not necessarily required but your Dr. should talk it over with you to see if it's right and good for you. You may just want to put up with the symptoms and hold off on the HRT. It will be easier to do that if all of the above problems are being handled and you feel a lot better and stronger because of that!

    And here's where I say I'm not a Dr., just someone who's been through all of this and have a medical background. I'm giving you my best opinion from my personal knowledge and experience of all of these problems you have and have also been on the same drug, except I never had agoraphobia or health anxiety.

    I hope you feel better very soon and write back to tell us so. Just write if you feel the need for some support, too! :)

  • Hello andypandy

    Your going to have to talk to your partner about male and I'm 45 I had been very active all my life in work and general I stopped doing a physical job then discovered I had an underactive thyroid could not believe took a while to get me near the right level but I'd put on weight to which I he'd before.that got me down then started a job with erratic shifts long story short I got anxiety and depression.was off work 8 month and on citalopram 20 on 10 mg now not depressed still get anxious back at work and weight has levelled must be a lot harder for women as the period must drain you so need your partners support its a long journey.maybe if you joined some groups and your not there to put your partners tea on the table he might sit up and notice.i hope you get everything sorted out.sometimes it's hard for men to understand as we are Neanderthals but that is no need to talk.also like suggestion earlier counselling for you both.

  • Thank u so much for your input I know I'm not the only one to have traveled this road . The thyroid is a big factor I. My depression and anxiety and I do feel I have some sort of health anxiety with that . Having little support does not help I want to get well and sort this mess out properly xx

  • I care. I also understand everything you said. I'm sorry you are going thru this. I've been exactly where you are including you tooth abscess. I'm so so sorry for you.

  • Thank you walkerbix it's all such a mess and so hard . Thank I got being there and to all who say they care xxx

  • Suesz thank u for breaking everything down .im on Sertraline 75 mg levothyroxine 75 mg propanolol 10 mg three times a day and galfer for iron . Docs Are not very supportive and I started my own course of cbt . I just want my life back but don't know where to start . I'm tired and this abcess has knocked me for six . I did lose a lot of weight 2 stone wen I first went thru thyroid storm last February and bloods have been unstable since . So haven't alot of energy in reserve . Hrt isn't advisable for me due to family history . 2 nd last day of antibiotics I rang pharmacy and they told me to finish the course im on of 250 mg and they have me chlorhexodine mouth wash like corsydyl Iv been using salt water akready tho . Dentist said as Iv akready had root canal in tooth extraction is better . As Id have to go to specialist which wud cost 600 pounds . I'm scared because this scenario is exact same as I went thru before . I started with an abcess got it extracted suffered 3 weeks of infection and pain . Then developed sinus infection and flu . Which caused my thyroid to fluctuate causing a crisis . I went hyper and it's still unstable . So do I start a stronger course of antibiotics Iv 500 in the house after this one or go straight for extraction . On Monday . Shdnt the infection be cleared first , and how can I build up my immunity so that I don't get worse this time if it is taken out . May I ask for prayers also that the pain and swelling leaves and this cloud will lift xxx thank u all . Holding on just about xxxx

  • Feeling helpless anyone there