Very Concerned

Yesterday there was a post here from a 12 year old girl who seemed to be very depressed and hopeless.She went on to say her family doesn't understand and her friends are against her. I wan't sure it was a legitimate post, but decided to reply just in case. Now today it is gone. I understand the age restriction, how ever, I am concerned about her.. Has she been pointed in the right direction?Is there a follow up?

28 Replies

  • I think the administrators will have contacted her, advised her and removed the post at the same time.

  • Hi this has happened on here before and the advice from the mods is to just report the post. The admins/mods will point her in the right direction with links to other sites and make sure she is ok.

    The trouble with replying to children is, apart from the fact the minimum age here is 16, that this is an adult site and children could unwittingly come to harm on it. Imagine if her parents had seen it and any replies, then got very annoyed with folk for saying what they did to a minor. We are not equipped or trained to handle children here and the mods are. That's how I understand it. x

  • Yes Cough you are right, I reported it yes, but I didn't answer her myself,

    As I find its pointless, I have done before and they don't ever answer,

    And it's not up to us to b concerned, why are their parents allowing

    A 12 yr. old child to go unsupervised on the Internet.

    As you say, we have seen this happen here time and time again, so now

    I report it and no im not answering, I'm not the parent.

    Hannah x

  • Thank you to all who replied. I t was as I suspected, but good to be reassured.. I realize you didn't read my response, my advice was to speak to her parents, a teacher, or pastor. I am a former teacher and it's just not in me to ignore a child. I will certainly take your advice if this happens to me again. Many thanks.

  • Hi vintage-me I get totally what you say, but the trouble is if one replies then others tend to as well and they might not be so careful as you about what they say. It's a bit of a minefield and I and many of us prefer not to reply for that reason. x

  • I understand and will comply . There are usually good reasons for the rules we live by. All of you have been very kind to this fool who likes to rush in.

  • I have my Grandchildren and I would hope that if they were ever in a position where the felt they couldn't talk to their parents they would come to me, I am sorry to say I would have responded to the post but would have told them to speak to a teacher or school Counsellor, in confidence, or to any responsible adult that they trust is their Dr? Local police officer? I know round where I am the kids do have a good rapport with the community police! I do understand responses can be from the wrong kind of person and wrong advice can be given or even the child could be taken advantage of! What a sad world we live in today

  • You seem kind and sensible to me. It is very hard to know how much you can help someone without leaving yourself open to legal issues.. Suing people is rampant in the U.S. On the other hand I would like to keep my humanity. You're right the world can be a sad place. Grand children compensate don't they.

  • Very true Dell which is why I steer well clear. The mods have said on a few occasions that they do try and help the child and point her in the right direction. I don't want to take any responsibility for that, and I think the best thing to do is not reply just report. x

  • I saw that too and think i also answered.....

    It breaks my hear seeing the children on here...What i dont understand is if admin give them information then close their account how do they get that information.

    There are sites that are available to children so if baffles me why HU cant have a site for them as we do seem to see a lot of youngsters on here

  • Maybe you could suggest it to them Mandy? Maybe the reason is that if HU allow access to children on one site they might be more likely to see the other sites and try and join those too.

    Or maybe it's because they have child trained counsellors vetting the information and HU don't have any or want to get into that field. x

  • I think just pinning some posts on here for anyone who is under 16 would be useful, perhaps just leaving some website addresses for them to use

    It actually makes me feel ill when i read desperate posts off the children

  • Its an idea Mandy .Children often can't speak to those nearest to them and may Google ' depression' and get directed here. I think that if they get no replies and they can see other posts being responded to then for that short time u til the administrators contact them they may feel rejected again. However unscrupulous people could use a site like that to prey on the vulnerable children . Don't know what the answer is as early teenage years can be so miserable. They need to have a forum to express feelings safely


  • You make a very good point.

  • Good point Dee. Children will often see posts that aren't reponded to for hours anyway. If we all reported children on the site asap instead of replying to them, then the mods would be able to sort it quicker. There are mods/admins on here 24/7 so it shouldn't be too long.

    Also as happened recently the fact that people replied at all encouraged one child to do a second post. We don't want to encourage them to stay on this adult site. x

  • No we dont want to encourage them to stay on the site i agree but they must feel like they have been let down again when they dont get any support

    Its a really difficult one for sure

  • If the post is reported straightaway then the mods will deal with it very quickly. x

  • Yeah there are some fabulous sites online for the youngsters ive found many you say they must google depression and find themselves here and then they open their hearts just to be deleted.

    I totally understand the concerns of children on the site but surely having some details of website address especially for the youngsters on here wouldn't hurt

    I do try to give them links but there is no guarantee they get them before they have their accounts closed

  • Hi Mandy the problem with giving them links is that suppose for example the child comes to harm on the site you have given them? How would you feel then? Suppose the parents of the minor traced that to this site and complained? It's a minefield.

    I expect the employees of HU have some sort of personal liability insurance so they are more protected than us. They run the site not us so I think these things are best left up to them not the users of it. Just my view. x

  • There are lots of government funded websites that are set up for children suffering depression and child line etc i wouldnt for one second give a link to some unknown site

    HU think its an excellent but its down to the mods of the site. To be honest i think it would take away the responsibility from the mods on here if there was a link pinned leading the children to one of these sites because of similar to what you say

  • There was a spate of posts on "Twitter" where poster's made out that they were children and made some pretty bad post's, even offering themselves I reported them to administration and nothing really happened posts were still up a day later ,but after about a week they all disappeared.

    Thankfully those type of sites are watched by police Internet Intel officers!

    It really seams sad though that kids can not talk to their parents about their problems, my Mum has always been a Hippy type person nothing ever fased her and I knew that I could tell her anything at all she never judged just gave fair advice, God help you if you told her a lie though.

  • You were lucky then there Dell. I would never have been able to tell my mother anything. x

  • On the good side I've heard from some very nice and clever people, and learned a little more about how this forum thing works. On the down side we've probably given this too much attention. Time to put it to bed.Thanks, all.

  • Sorry vintage me - I hadn't got as far as your final reply before just putting my reply below!

    On the issue of making posts though, it's 3 years since my BI and because I wasn't functioning properly neurologically, I thought the Posting options of Community and Everyone meant alternatively

    A. Community - all Health Unlocked Communities

    B. Everyone - the whoe World! Including Facebook,Google etc., -

    I thought B meant everyone in the community I was in.

    Another Community put me straight on that a couple of weeks ago.

    I think HU and all communities should just have a little explanation beside each option,of who/where it goes, especially for new members.

    Im not really a stupid person, but I do get easily confused, one of my BI side effects. I have been following 2 TV series of 1 - The Brain and 2 In the Mind because of my 3 different health conditions - all of which have neurological effects, I'm not being treated for Depression but certainly have my dark days and have been researching my own health history,,which has genetic and environmental links. those programmes are giving me confirmation and a good understanding of the whats ,whys and wherefores of my physical and mental health, much of which I'd discovered by my own online research, which is why I also try and help others because I feel so often I relate to and understand some of their dilemmas and questions.

    Hope this explains me.....:-).

  • We had a similiar situation on here last week I think - with a school lad whose mum was being prosecuted because he wouldn't go to school, several suggested he told his mum (as I did as well) - but I was trying to get to the bottom of why he thought his clothes were itchy and asked about allergies, bullying etc. It all started for him during what seemed to be end of summer hols and school starting - so I thought it sounded like he was changing schools! He didn't seem to Reply to anyone else, only me, then I suddenly wondered if I being set up to sound like I was 'grooming' - I obviously wasn't, I'm 68 and - grandmother to 3 young adults - so just finished by suggesting again that he must tell his mum.

    Yes I felt desperately for the lad, he seemingly had an issue and wanted to talk to someone,I think I was first to answer his post - so yes it's difficult not to be a concerned adult when kids ask for help - but again the Internet is such a wide open door, but we don't want to be Led through it in handcuffs either - no matter how caring we are. I tried to be very discreet with my questions and just hope that lad gets the help he wanted.

    Im on the Internet at all hours when I'm having one of my health 'Idarker and can't sleep episodes' and I admit it also makes me feel better if I'm helping someone else rather than sitting here all miserable on my own!

    I'm also aware these days there sometimes seems to be a lot of either 'trollers' or mischief makers around. If I was one of those I wouldn't have a photo of me with my name. I suppose I use my location in being abroad as my defence barrier.

  • SAMBS, i feel much the same way. It is hard to know what to do. It would be helpful if there were a link on here to direct children to an appropriate place.

  • Having a 12 year old son, I have also replied to a child on here too in the past, with the thinking that, if my son was that desperate, I'd like to think someone would help him (although we'd all like to think that our children feel they can talk to us about ANYthing). I'm glad someone here in the replies said that the mods are on here 24/7. That means I wouldn't have to worry about ignoring any posts where a child seemed down in future, because there would be a moderator on hand instantly to deal with things. I hadn't appreciated that fact before. It makes me feel much better because in the case where I replied, I had felt that maybe a reply (or lack of reply) could be the difference between suicide or living. I tried to commit suicide when i was 17 so it's a subject very close to me, and my parents never knew anything about it, I had kept it all to myself. They just thought I had a really bad sick bug when in actual fact it was caused by the pills I had taken the night before. Anyway, I agree with the comments that it is a very sad world where an adult doesn't feel they can help a child for fear of being accused of something untoward. Very sad indeed. :-(

  • Oh I'm sorry to hear your experience Weightwatcher and despite my bizarre and topsy turvŷ life I'm know I'm so lucky to never to have felt that desperate till recently.

    Even then although I thought seriouslŷ about taking all the ADs that I've got but refused for last 18 months. I just thought I can take them and never wake up again - but I do want to live not to die!

    All I want is my health back and this rented house sorted out - all of which takes weeks and months of shitty French administration before anything happens

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